Advice needed for 16 year old

[Anonymous]

I found 4 bottles of vodka in my daughters closet. I calmly approached her and told her I don’t want alcohol stored in the house as I have younger kids too. Apparently an older kid bought it for a group of them and she volunteered to keep it, until the next party. This is generally a good kid, responsible, good student, content, very likeable etc.

Also, She has a boyfriend and she thinks they should be able to be alone in the house for the day. I am lost. I was doing waaaayyyy more than she is when I was her age, I just didn’t get caught. Part of me thinks she needs more freedom as she will be going to University next year, and part of me thinks I need to enforce rules.

What are your rules for your 16 year old? Boys allowed at home when you aren’t there? Do you allow your kids to drink at parties?

[Anonymous]

Drinking at a party isn’t legal. It IS legal to allow kids to try alcohol in your own home, as long as it’s not much and they don’t leave the house with alcohol in their system.

Being alone out of the house, with planned activities? Sure. Alone at home, with planned activities, and trusted to be safe (whether that means abstinence or safe sex to you, whatever your family believes is acceptable)? Probably. Alone at home for a full day, and either no planned activities and/or not completely trusted to be safe? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Where are you from?

[Anonymous]

I"m sorry, but are you her mother or her older sister/ best friend? I can't tell from your post.

[Anonymous]

Do you know how many teenagers 4 bottles of vodka can kill? This isn't about kids knocking back beers. Teenagers die or nearly die of alcohol poisoning All The Time and hard liquor is the culprit. Girls are especially vulnerable.

So, no, she shouldn't be allowed to have friends over when you're not home. Also, find out which one of her friends has a fake ID, if she doesn't have one herself. If she really is hanging out with 21-year-olds, you should be extra concerned. Find out who her older friends are.

[Anonymous]

I hope you dumped all the vodka down the drain. And, a big NO to boys in the house when you are not there.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? It's fine for her store 4 bottles of vodka as long as she doesn't keep it at home? That was your message?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to have a very serious conversation with your daughter about alcohol poisoning. I almost died from drinking Vodka the first time my parents left me alone for a weekend when I was 17 and had friends over. My parents thought I was mature and knew the dangers, but I wasn't, and didn't.

[Anonymous]

Did you confiscate and dispose of the alcohol? Are you really okay with a bunch of teenagers drinking it and puking their guts out before they pass out? I understand you had a wild teen life but parents are not typically okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Is she holding the alcohol for the boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

So many red flags, OP, I'm sorry. Either she's drinking a lot herself, or hanging around kids who drink a lot. I hope you dumped out the vodka. Someone is going to end up dead from a drunk driving accident. I know there are kids who try beer or whatever, but four hidden bottles of vodka is a massive warning sign. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live OK?

[Anonymous]

So much to process here. The alcohol thing is illegal. Period. So that is how I would deal with that. "Larla, there is no amount of rationalizing you can do to talk your way out of a minor in possession citation...and that would be the LEAST of your worries if you were caught. Other consequences would be that one of you or one of your friends over consumes and dies, drives drunk, passes out, becomes an alcoholic, etc. It is dangerous and it is against the law and as your parent, I cannot and will not condone destructive, illegal behavior." Then pour it down the drain in front of her.

The boyfriend thing is up to you, OP, but I wouldn't allow it personally. I know some others on here will say "it will happen anyway" and they are right. If she wants to find a way to have sex with him, she will do it, whether or not you grant your permission for her to have him hang out at your house unsupervised all day long. But OP, I guess I just would not make it easier/convenient for my teen to get pregnant or wind up with an STD. And I would say to her "I'm sorry you view it as distrust. I just view it as common sense not to put that kind of temptation into the hands of two hormonal teenagers. There are just too many negative outcomes that can occur if you are left alone and fail to exercise self control, and I feel that it is my responsibility to tell you this is not what I want for you. So I will not okay the two of you hanging out here unsupervised all day. Just...no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was doing waaaayyyy more than she is when I was her age, I just didn’t get caught.

Who knows what she's doing? Maybe she just hasn't been caught yet, either.

[Anonymous]

Mother of the year award for this one. Go ahead, just consider it a favor for her friends.