Does anyone else experience sister rivalry?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I feel like my sister and I are frenemies. I am sick of her one upping me. If I am good at something, she’ll get up and be better at it and out do me. I feel so inadequate! She is prettier, has better in laws, married a richer guy, is more experienced and well traveled!
I hate how in every category of life she beats me!! I can’t take it anymore! I’ve kept her at a distance because she makes me feel awful! |
Anonymous
|
No one “makes” you feel awful. Deal with you own self-esteem problems. See a therapist. Require more of yourself.
You do you. |
Anonymous
All of the above, OP. You cannot control what your sister does, you can only control your reaction to her. If you are unhappy with you, then you need to change you. Get going, now. You can do it! Start with a good licensed therapist. |
Anonymous
| Different issues, but my sister and I intentionally chose to live on opposite coasts. We are much happier seeing each other once every year or two. |
Anonymous
|
I have four sisters. We each have a best friend (some of the best friends are sisters). We made a pact in high school/middle school that we would always support each other and never compete against each other and always be happy for each other. Some times we've had to remind one of us of our pact (usually just by saying "Nikki,pact!") but we've stuck to it. It's a wonderful way to live.
Even though you and your sister are adults, can you make a pact? And if not, why don't you experiment with NOT telling her things you're doing, so she doesn't have the opportunity to one-up you? You don't need to tell her you're entering a swim race or what your time was. You don't need to announce how many books you've read at the end of the summer. You know? |
Anonymous
I feel like my sister is exactly like this. I am the older, which are you? |
Anonymous
| Ugh, you sound insufferable. |
Anonymous
| fix this now...my MIL and her sister are horrid and make everyone uncpmfortable at family events. |
Anonymous
Oh, fix it? Why didn’t I think of that? Any suggestions? What if you are not the aggressor? There is not much I can do - she’s the one who is one-upping. (PP, not OP.) |
Anonymous
|
Op here. If I go travel someplace she has to, too. If I say I am reading x books she’ll want to read them all and some more.
The worst part is she doesn’t just copy me she out does me. |
Anonymous
So what about that therapy, OP? If this isn’t your issue, then why do you care? |
Anonymous
| I get it OP. I think you have to experience to get it. |
Anonymous
|
Don't tell her what you are doing, as much as you can.
Have you read any books lately? No, haven't had time lately. Where are you going for vacation? Not sure yet,maybe we will go back to a place we visited before. Where did you get that top? Walmart. And so on |
Anonymous
|
Seek out a wealthier husband who likes to travel and has awesome parents? Build an enormous library, get a make over and new wardrobe ?
Or be content with what you have. Her feeling the need to outdo you is her issue. You feeling inadequate about it is yours. We can't control how people treat us, we can only control how we respond. Enjoy your life, and don't let her life chooses impact you. On the devious side if she needs to feel the need to copy & outshine, take up something obscure for her to outshine you in. Let her know you have decided to take up Zombie Mud Running. |
Anonymous
| Yes, sort of. It doesn't make me feel awful, but I have resentment she started out so behind and needy and due to receiving 80% of all parental attention, has excelled more than anticipated. Marrying someone who makes a lot of money has also upped the game now that my partner and I look like "major losers" with a combined income around 400k. Like if you're not in hedge fund money you're a fool. I just kind of keep my distance and try to temper resentment since no one here is a bad person. |