Boyfriend’s mom

[Anonymous]

What would you think if you found out your boyfriend’s mother was the executive director of an extremely anti-gay, anti-abortion religious (Catholic) Group? Think Alliance Defending Freedom or whatever the Duggar son was leading.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter what she thinks/ does, you never have to see her if you don't want to. What does he think about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter what she thinks/ does, you never have to see her if you don't want to. What does he think about it?

That is the important question.

[Anonymous]

That's the future MIL! Break up now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter what she thinks/ does, you never have to see her if you don't want to. What does he think about it?

That is the important question.

+1


Also, is he his own man or a momma’s boy? Most of the issues on the family relationship forum with MIL’s are really a DH problem with setting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Female here. I wouldn’t mind, because I’m an adult and realize people have opposing views and beliefs. The good thing is I share some of her views. I am in support of gay marriage, but I personally do not support abortions. It’s just murder to me. I wouldn’t let her views be a reason to separate the two of you, unless he strongly feelings that way, and you feel strongly about the complete opposite. As an anti-abortion, I would feel like dating a pro abortion man, but definitely will never feel comfortable dating someone who is against gay marriage. We are all people, and we have the right to choose who we love. Most Catholics don’t believe in divorce, and if that is something you believe in, I would have a talk about beliefs before jumping into a serious relationship with someone you are not sure has the same beliefs.

[Anonymous]

I would be okay with it as long as my boyfriend did not share her views and he didn’t pretend otherwise to his family to keep the peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with it as long as my boyfriend did not share her views and he didn’t pretend otherwise to his family to keep the peace.

This is my concern. With me, he has no problem at all repudiating his mother's beliefs but when he is with family not so much. He won't verbally agree with them when they're together, per se, but he sure as hell isn't saying he disagrees.

[Anonymous]

Well, what do you believe? Maybe your are of the same ilk as her? Plus, who knows what she really believes? People like that are the worst hypocrites and would do anything for a buck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. I wouldn’t mind, because I’m an adult and realize people have opposing views and beliefs. The good thing is I share some of her views. I am in support of gay marriage, but I personally do not support abortions. It’s just murder to me. I wouldn’t let her views be a reason to separate the two of you, unless he strongly feelings that way, and you feel strongly about the complete opposite. As an anti-abortion, I would feel like dating a pro abortion man, but definitely will never feel comfortable dating someone who is against gay marriage. We are all people, and we have the right to choose who we love. Most Catholics don’t believe in divorce, and if that is something you believe in, I would have a talk about beliefs before jumping into a serious relationship with someone you are not sure has the same beliefs.

I do not think OP is mature enough to date someone with different views and she really should move on from this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with it as long as my boyfriend did not share her views and he didn’t pretend otherwise to his family to keep the peace.

This is my concern. With me, he has no problem at all repudiating his mother's beliefs but when he is with family not so much. He won't verbally agree with them when they're together, per se, but he sure as hell isn't saying he disagrees.

Once you have kids he will agree more with them than not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with it as long as my boyfriend did not share her views and he didn’t pretend otherwise to his family to keep the peace.

This is my concern. With me, he has no problem at all repudiating his mother's beliefs but when he is with family not so much. He won't verbally agree with them when they're together, per se, but he sure as hell isn't saying he disagrees.

Once you have kids he will agree more with them than not.

A lie. My kids, my wife, my family. Of course _I_ may disagree with my wife on abortion; she’s going to have to live with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the future MIL! Break up now!

My MIL is like this. I just don’t engage. I take comfort in knowing that if I did break and she was successful in baiting me into an argument; I would use FACTual information not hypocritical, paranoid, fear monger, bible thumping BS to win said argument.

[Anonymous]

If you would actually consider murdering one of her grandchildren in the womb, then you'll be doing her a favor by moving on. I cannot imagine a son of mine marrying a woman who supports abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with it as long as my boyfriend did not share her views and he didn’t pretend otherwise to his family to keep the peace.

This is my concern. With me, he has no problem at all repudiating his mother's beliefs but when he is with family not so much. He won't verbally agree with them when they're together, per se, but he sure as hell isn't saying he disagrees.

New poster. OP, proceed with caution; if you and he are seriously dating and possibly heading toward marriage, think hard about how this could affect your marriage. For instance:

Are YOU Catholic yourself? Would she expect her son to marry a Catholic? If you don't have a Catholic wedding is there going to be drama and if there's drama--will he cave to keep her happy?

If you're Catholic and up for a Catholic wedding: Will she assume that her new DIL thinks like she does on the issues of homosexuality and abortion? Will she expect you to take part in this group she directs once you're part of the family? Will your attendance at Mass be frequent enough for her, your role at home the "right" role, etc.?

What will she think is her role in raising any kids you have? Adding kids often is the one thing that uncovers a LOT of assumptions and expectations in families. Will she pressure her son to ensure you and he are doing things a certain way, getting the kids to the parish she feels is the right one, etc? Does she have issues with public schools as too open to LGBTQ issues and as hotbeds of liberalism--so she'll press you to send your kids to Catholic school?

Before someone comes here to say I'm anti-Catholic: No. I could write all of the above and insert terms like "fundamentalist Protestant" wherever you see "Catholic." I'm a churchgoing, involved Christian myself. OP, I'm just saying that your possible MIL's clear devotion to specific, very intense, very political positions means that you and boyfriend need to be absolutely rock solid and terrific communicators with each other if you proceed toward marriage. He may disagree with his mom's positions and may say little at family gatherings only because those aren't the time or place to discuss gay rights or abortion. But if what you mean is that he doesn't speak up if she slurs gays or spreads lies about abortion right there in and your presence--you need to call him out on that and recognize that if you stay with him you may have her positions and her faith in your life more than is healthy for a marriage.