14 year old DD not letting us touch her?

[Anonymous]

It's been a month or so since our normally very touchy-feely DD has stopped letting us hug her or really touch her at all. She seems to be fine initiating contact with her friends, but won't let her friends touch her either without asking. She flinches away or will push us away if they try to touch her or hug her. She's also become a lot more moody and irritable, and refuses to give us a reason for any of this. This is very sudden. We have never hit her or abused her. Could there be any reason why, or is she just going through a teenage phase?

[Anonymous]

Teen phase, but if there are any other red flags...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen phase, but if there are any other red flags...

It may well be a phase but, as the other PP says, think about whether there are any other red flags.

[Anonymous]

Is she wearing long sleeves and/or pants in warm weather?

[Anonymous]

It’s called puberty. Are you still touchy feely with your parents?

[Anonymous]

Very common. Respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s called puberty. Are you still touchy feely with your parents?

Not OP, but different families are different. We have a bunch of late teens but also 1 just barely in elementary school and an a grandpa with dementia in our house. There are a lot of hugs but there also a lot of touching just because there are a lot of us around. OP's daughter may be different but it is a wee bit unusual to go from touchy to not in a very short period of time. It could be that one of her friends said something or she saw a movie in science class or all of a sudden mom and dad are soooo embarrassing … but it could be something else. It is worth watching and thinking about imo.

[Anonymous]

Would pick a quiet time and just ask her. “Honey I notice you suddenly seem uncomfortable if people touch you - did something happen to you to make you uncomfortable with touching?”. She might not open up right away, but she’ll begin to think about talking with you. Might be nothing, but if she had something sexually aggressive happen, her mind might react with fear to touching now. Don’t over react whatever she answers - that will close her back off.

[Anonymous]

My niece who was anorexic was like this. She was fine initiating hugs because she knew she was wearing the proper amount of layers so as not to arouse suspicions. Hugs she didn’t initiate upset her because she may not have been properly “cushioned.”

And not to be That Prrson, but as a sexual assault survivor it was years before I was comfortable with others hugging/touching me (even family) if it wasn’t a touch I initiated. Something to keep in mind.

[Anonymous]

Why do you keep trying to touch your teenager??? I’m really surprised that her laser eye darts of angry hell feelings haven’t permanently put a stop to your coming near her at all, but stop trying to touch your teenager & you might live to next month?

[Anonymous]

Normal. My son would pat me on the top of the head and let me kiss his hand.

As he matured and became more comfortable,in his own skin again, he started to let me hug him again.

If you insist on the kind of affection you got before, you will all end up U happy.

[Anonymous]

But it sounds like it’s not only with her parents, but with her friends too. And that it was sudden and out of character. That would be concerning to me, for sure.

I would gently check in with her to make sure she’s not experiencing unwanted sexual attention or touch. POs asked good questions - is she dressing differently? Have her eating patterns changed?

[mjsmith]

the lack of touchy feely i can understand.

the flinching is what would bother me..

[Anonymous]

mjsmith wrote:the lack of touchy feely i can understand.

the flinching is what would bother me..

also normal. the touchy feely parents invade space. Just this past weekend I flinched when my mom hugged me. She can't seem to avoid that ticklish spot on my neck and it is really unpleasant. If I were a teen, I'd think she was invading. At 50, I think she is just old and dense. Yes, she noticed the flinch and was put off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been a month or so since our normally very touchy-feely DD has stopped letting us hug her or really touch her at all. She seems to be fine initiating contact with her friends, but won't let her friends touch her either without asking. She flinches away or will push us away if they try to touch her or hug her. She's also become a lot more moody and irritable, and refuses to give us a reason for any of this. This is very sudden. We have never hit her or abused her. Could there be any reason why, or is she just going through a teenage phase?

All seems normal except this. I would find a way to probe or see if there is anything to this particular behavior. I have teens and both are still when I initiate a hug or ask for a hug. I have dismissed it as teenagery behavior but neither has flinched or pushed me away.