Am I terrible for going out of town when IL's are coming to visit?

[Anonymous]

My in laws are coming to visit in early July. I have been planning to attend one of my BFF's birthday party at the beach for months. Suddenly my inlaws who are total racists (im not caucasian-they are) and absent in husband and our kids lives, decide they want to visit that same weekend. I never see them and tolerate them when I see them once a year for my husbands sake. Now he thinks I'm being unreasonable for still going to my friend's weekend party. I don't think I'm wrong. He can spend time with his parents and ultimately save my sanity and marriage by not having to spend days on end with the inlaws.

[Anonymous]

You made your plan first. Even if you liked your ILs you should still honor your original plan. The only acceptable exceptions are extreme circumstances such as hospitalization of family or your own sudden health issues.

Basically, your H can go eat sand.

[Anonymous]

No way. You have long-standing plans, and the ILs apparently didn't consult you before picking the weekend. I would not change.

[Anonymous]

"DH, I'm sorry that your parents didn't check with us before announcing their visit. As you know, I've had these plans for months. I'm not changing my plans. If you want to talk to your parents about coming another time, great. If not, fine."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH, I'm sorry that your parents didn't check with us before announcing their visit. As you know, I've had these plans for months. I'm not changing my plans. If you want to talk to your parents about coming another time, great. If not, fine."

Or, "why don't you confirm they can't reschedule since I also can't?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH, I'm sorry that your parents didn't check with us before announcing their visit. As you know, I've had these plans for months. I'm not changing my plans. If you want to talk to your parents about coming another time, great. If not, fine."

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH, I'm sorry that your parents didn't check with us before announcing their visit. As you know, I've had these plans for months. I'm not changing my plans. If you want to talk to your parents about coming another time, great. If not, fine."

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to be so hostile about the ILs. Seems like a great time to go away, DH will have the extra help.

Your weekend is planned in advance so you can't be accused of trying to avoid them. Say you're sad to miss out on the bonding but this is a big deal and has been on the books for some time, you'll send your love and look forward to seeing them soon.

Your DH is the problem here not you ILs. It doesn't matter if they are Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver, you already have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made your plan first. Even if you liked your ILs you should still honor your original plan. The only acceptable exceptions are extreme circumstances such as hospitalization of family or your own sudden health issues.

Basically, your H can go eat sand.

This is what I think too. He can explain to his parents that you already had plans. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH, I'm sorry that your parents didn't check with us before announcing their visit. As you know, I've had these plans for months. I'm not changing my plans. If you want to talk to your parents about coming another time, great. If not, fine."

+1

This. DH is wrong, as were they for not coordinating a convenient weekend with you and DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're living my dream.

[Anonymous]

The hard part is that your IL's will likely be of no help with your kids which will make your being away even more difficult for him. I can understand why he is not thrilled with your going. But, you made your plans first and they/he should have planned their visit for a different weekend.

[Anonymous]

OP if you canceled on your friend’s birthday because of this, THEN you would be a terrible person.

Keeping prior plans and telling your ILs you can’t make it for this visit makes you normal person. Your husband is being very unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP here! I hate my inlaws. They have been absent grandparents and have made racist remarks about my background repeatedly. This timing is a dream come true. DH will get over it. In the handful of times we have visited his parents or they have come here, they sit on the couch and watch tv. I assume DH is more freaked out about having the kids to wrangle all weekend while this parents watch TV. Now my biggest worry is protecting my kids from their bigotry.

[Anonymous]

OP, all your talk about what horrible people they are - - is unimportant - - to this scenario. Unimportant to the more important point which is: you had made plans. You are entitled to stick to your plans without guilt.