Getting married and my family does not agree

[Anonymous]

2nd marriage for me, my parents and siblings have not wanted anything to do with him. We are adults in our mid 40's.
They don't acknowledge him when they are standing right next to him and I. He doesn't care for my family because of the way they treat him.

My family thinks that he broke up my marriage. He didn't, my marriage was broken for a long time. He is the first person I dated which was 3 months before the divorce was final.

I've never been super close to my family. So I wasn't crying on their door step about my failing marriage. It's been 5 years since my divorce was final.

Do I invite them to our small ceremony/reception??

[Anonymous]

You need to make a choice. Husband or family. You cannot have both.

I would not invite people who do not acknowledge my STB DH when they are standing right next to him.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

You do what will make you happy and give you the day you and your husband want.

That may include reaching out to some of your family or it may not.

Perhaps you could invite them out for dinner on a separate occasion if you want to try to build a bridge but you don't want them there the day of the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

The people invited to your wedding should be people who support the two of you as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Op my adult son was not invited to my wedding. His father (my husband of 18 years passed away). I got remarried when my son was 21. He didn't believe that I should get remarried. He said that it was a betrayal to his father. So, when I got remarried, I didn't invite him. Some people will agree, some won't. It's up to you to do what you feel is right in your heart. I didn't feel in my heart that my son should be at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I seem to recall your story - didn't you post about this some time ago?

You don't need negativity and tension at your wedding. Do what seems best to you: invite them and hope for a refusal, or not invite them at all? There is no wrong answer.

Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

It seems like your family has taken your ex husband's side in the divorce and doesn't want to see you happy. Have they always been this unsupportive?

If they are unpleasant and hostile towards your fiance, I would not invite them. It's his wedding day too and he doesn't deserve to be a target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

I seem to recall your story - didn't you post about this some time ago?

You don't need negativity and tension at your wedding. Do what seems best to you: invite them and hope for a refusal, or not invite them at all? There is no wrong answer.

Best wishes!

I didn't post before in regards to this topic, and must have missed a posting similar. I'm going to see if I can find that thread and read those responses too. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your family has taken your ex husband's side in the divorce and doesn't want to see you happy. Have they always been this unsupportive?

If they are unpleasant and hostile towards your fiance, I would not invite them. It's his wedding day too and he doesn't deserve to be a target.

+1 This is his wedding too, he shouldn't have to put up with the presence of people who won't even acknowledge him when he's standing right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your family has taken your ex husband's side in the divorce and doesn't want to see you happy. Have they always been this unsupportive?

If they are unpleasant and hostile towards your fiance, I would not invite them. It's his wedding day too and he doesn't deserve to be a target.

Is there a way you can make the wedding a "starting fresh" kind of day for your family and your new husband? If you think that can happen then I would invite them. If you don't think that can happen, then don't invite them.

[Anonymous]

I invited my family to my wedding despite them not liking my husband. I thought they could be nice for one day, but I was wrong. Two of my family members were so mean to my husband and his parents. It ruined the wedding for my husband. I wish they hadn’t come/wish I hadn’t invited them. I was busy chatting with people, so I didn’t hear about what happened until the next day.

[Anonymous]

eff you cee kay them!

[Anonymous]

No because they have disrespectful to your fiance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2nd marriage for me, my parents and siblings have not wanted anything to do with him. We are adults in our mid 40's.
They don't acknowledge him when they are standing right next to him and I. He doesn't care for my family because of the way they treat him.

My family thinks that he broke up my marriage. He didn't, my marriage was broken for a long time. He is the first person I dated which was 3 months before the divorce was final.

I've never been super close to my family. So I wasn't crying on their door step about my failing marriage. It's been 5 years since my divorce was final.

Do I invite them to our small ceremony/reception??

OP, I'm usually on the side of families in cases like this for only one reason: assuming you have a functional family, they love you unconditionally in a way that your future husband doesn't, and they are able to see signs of poor treatment or insufficient love that you cannot, being too close to the situation. I've had a similar situation with my daughter who brought home her boyfriend she was clearly gaga over. And he clearly wasn't. When she asked me what I thought, I told her candidly, "he is great and I can see why you like him, but I don't think he likes you the way you like him." She got upset at the time but I unfortunately turned out to be right.

Do they have any reason to believe that your fiance doesn't love you like he should? Are there any objective reasons why he might be a bad idea for you?