What is the proper response to a failing grade?

[Anonymous]

My 15 yo DD is failing two classes. I have been checking on her grades the the MyMCPS portal. She says that she will talk to the teachers and take care of it. She has been saying this, and her grades continue to decline.

I told her that she could not go to an afterschool this afternoon, and she is very upset with me.

I want to email her teachers, but I'm not sure what to say.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Why is she failing? Is she not doing the work? Not handing in the work? Not understanding the material? Different causes require different solutions and approaches.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her today she has until Wednesday to come home and tell you what her teachers said she has to do in order to pass this quarter, or you will ground her through the end of the school year and contact her teacher apologizing that your DD has dropped the ball and could she provide information on summer school for DD, which I would then pass along to her.

[Anonymous]

It does depend on the reason but it sounds as if the work isn’t being done vs. not understood based on her “I’ll take care of it” answer. I would stop all extracurricular until she “takes care of it.” It is not the teacher’s responsibility to help her put out the fire at this point in the term but you could certainly send a message that you are aware of the issue, have been allowing DD to manage and advocate for herself to this point and that you are aware of the consequences that she hasn’t. Can you see what work has been turned in or not? Perhaps you could ask the teacher to mark what is no longer being accepted so you’ll be able to see when your child has completed the actual requirements to “take care of it.” And yes, remind DD that summer school stinks but is required for failed classes. Even if she pulls her grades up enough to not fail, a low grade may not be enough as a prerequisite for the next level so she may have to repeat the course.

[Anonymous]

You should think about why this is a surprise. Clearly your kid isn't mature enough for as much freedom as she had. There's little to do about this semester anymore, but next fall she needs more oversight.

[Anonymous]

I would have long and serious talk with her about what’s going on. I would cancel all privileges until she puts in effort and lives up to her responsibilities. I’d schedule a meeting with the teacher and counselor to see what is going on. I would implement mini goals that she had to reach to start earning privileges back. I’d ask for her feedback on your plan in case she has any interesting to say. I would monitor her school work carefully, maybe hire a tutor. And then I would start making summer plans for her to catch up, and figure out a plan for the fall. If she refuses to care about school, I would insist she get a job and start payment by gir her things herself.

[Anonymous]

Summer school.

Reform school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD is failing two classes. I have been checking on her grades the the MyMCPS portal. She says that she will talk to the teachers and take care of it. She has been saying this, and her grades continue to decline.

I told her that she could not go to an afterschool activity this afternoon, and she is very upset with me.

I want to email her teachers, but I'm not sure what to say.

What would you do?

Should have started this a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD is failing two classes. I have been checking on her grades the the MyMCPS portal. She says that she will talk to the teachers and take care of it. She has been saying this, and her grades continue to decline.

I told her that she could not go to an afterschool this afternoon, and she is very upset with me.

I want to email her teachers, but I'm not sure what to say.

What would you do?

What the heck does this mean? Brow beating a teacher into giving her a passing grade, or even doing extra credit for a passing grade doesn’t mean that she is close to being a responsible student. I would put her on restrictions until she is consistently getting B’s - all semester long, not just some end of semester Hail Mary thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD is failing two classes. I have been checking on her grades the the MyMCPS portal. She says that she will talk to the teachers and take care of it. She has been saying this, and her grades continue to decline.

I told her that she could not go to an afterschool this afternoon, and she is very upset with me.

I want to email her teachers, but I'm not sure what to say.

What would you do?

For starters, OP, I would grow a backbone. Your post reeks of wimpiness.

[Anonymous]

OP, seems like your DD doesn't actually know what to do in this situation and you need to help her figure it out. You can't punish someone into doing something if they don't know how.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely email the teachers and find out what is going on as a place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD is failing two classes. I have been checking on her grades the the MyMCPS portal. She says that she will talk to the teachers and take care of it. She has been saying this, and her grades continue to decline.

I told her that she could not go to an afterschool activity this afternoon, and she is very upset with me.

I want to email her teachers, but I'm not sure what to say.

What would you do?

Should have started this a long time ago.

+1 I take it being upset with you is an unusual event? Time to toughen up.

[Anonymous]

I teach HS and I can tell you I received an email from parents over the weekend about this exact issue and it blew me away. It just showed such exemplary parenting.

First, it acknowledged that I and CC'd colleagues are doing amazing and they so appreciate what we have done to help atudent succeed but they have implemented some new things at home they want us to know about. This includes SPECIFIC requirements around getting work done and turning completed assignments with specific consequences if that does not happen. They also said they do not hold us responsible as this is a recurring habit they have let linger too long. They simply asked we support them in holding student accountable and thanked us again for our work.

Simply put, they intervened, held their student accountable, let us know what will happen if certain expectations are not met, and thanked us for our work to help student be successful. Ended with saying everyone else has done their part and now student has to do theirs.

Do something like this/ talk to your kid, make them aware what you expect and what will specifically happen if they don't do it and loop in the teachers.

[Anonymous]

I never failed but my parents’ punishment to me if my grades fell below a certain level was to ground me for the quarter until I raised them again (we had quarters then). No going out with friends, no school dances, etc., I could do sports but frankly it was only one sport/activity per quarter anyway. I could have one phone call per night to a friend. That was it.