She comes from a big family—me? Not so much...

[Anonymous]

Wife whom I’ve been with for 10+ years comes from a large immediate family (6 siblings). I come from a small family (1 brother). I’ve gotten better about sucking it up and going along with things (attending 3rd birthday parties, splitting holidays between two of my sister-in-laws, not spendings holidays with my parents, etc.), but I kind of got annoyed went wife expected me to give up a Saturday to drive 3hrs (two ways) to attend a nephews college graduation. Mind you, wife has 24 nieces/nephews. Is this really a precedent we’re going to set? What about a graduation a little closer to home? I didn’t tell her this, but deep down it bugs me that only 3 people come to my graduation: wife (gf at the time), Mom and dad. Bro didn’t come, no aunts, uncles, etc...
We both work hard during the week. The thought of spending 6 hours in the car on a Saturday to watch it his kid graduate just kills me. Am I really a bad hubby for feeling this way? Can I weasel out of this without coming off as a jerk?

[Anonymous]

She has 14 nieces/nephews, not 24...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife whom I’ve been with for 10+ years comes from a large immediate family (6 siblings). I come from a small family (1 brother). I’ve gotten better about sucking it up and going along with things (attending 3rd birthday parties, splitting holidays between two of my sister-in-laws, not spendings holidays with my parents, etc.), but I kind of got annoyed went wife expected me to give up a Saturday to drive 3hrs (two ways) to attend a nephews college graduation. Mind you, wife has 24 nieces/nephews. Is this really a precedent we’re going to set? What about a graduation a little closer to home? I didn’t tell her this, but deep down it bugs me that only 3 people come to my graduation: wife (gf at the time), Mom and dad. Bro didn’t come, no aunts, uncles, etc...
We both work hard during the week. The thought of spending 6 hours in the car on a Saturday to watch it his kid graduate just kills me. Am I really a bad hubby for feeling this way? Can I weasel out of this without coming off as a jerk?

Can't she do the driving? I do feel for you OP.

[Anonymous]

6 hours round trip for a graduation? No, just no.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. Neither me nor DH have very large families but we do have kids on both sides and it gets exhausting. Our policy is that if the immediate relation wants to go they go, but the other doesn’t have to. We actually end up going together to a lot and I think it helps that we know we have the option to refuse. We don’t even really need a “good reason” not to go—just needing a little down time is good reason enough. I think it’s unreasonable of her to expect that you’ll always drop everything to attend these events.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to send a card. I also grew up with a large immediate family and a large family on both sides. This is ridiculous. We never took trips to see someone graduate. Yes, you've graduated. Congratulations on the rest of your life. Come visit occasionally if you can. I have my own life.

[Anonymous]

I'd have her go on her own. I doubt the graduate would care if uncle-by-marriage is there or not.

[Anonymous]

I think she could attend some events on her own...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife whom I’ve been with for 10+ years comes from a large immediate family (6 siblings). I come from a small family (1 brother). I’ve gotten better about sucking it up and going along with things (attending 3rd birthday parties, splitting holidays between two of my sister-in-laws, not spendings holidays with my parents, etc.), but I kind of got annoyed went wife expected me to give up a Saturday to drive 3hrs (two ways) to attend a nephews college graduation. Mind you, wife has 24 nieces/nephews. Is this really a precedent we’re going to set? What about a graduation a little closer to home? I didn’t tell her this, but deep down it bugs me that only 3 people come to my graduation: wife (gf at the time), Mom and dad. Bro didn’t come, no aunts, uncles, etc...
We both work hard during the week. The thought of spending 6 hours in the car on a Saturday to watch it his kid graduate just kills me. Am I really a bad hubby for feeling this way? Can I weasel out of this without coming off as a jerk?

So wait, what is it that you're really upset about?

I think having a supportive extended family is wonderful and very valuable

[Anonymous]

OK. First. Your nieces and nephews probably don't care if you go to their graduation or not. Send a check. Better.

I agree, she should go on her own! And you should do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I have a big family (oddly- same numbers as you guys) and I let my husband skip out on some things. I had two nieces graduate from HS last year and told him he could pick one party to go to and skip the other. You are allowed to have some compromise. And we alternate holidays- it's only fair.

[Anonymous]

I have eight brothers and sisters, my dh has one sibling. We live too far away from all of them to attend much of anything, but if we lived closer, I'd compromise and go to some events.

I absolutely loved being from a large family and my dh just tries to adapt when we're all together (not often). I say it's more than fair to you if you sit out some of the events.

[Anonymous]

I have the larger family than DH but we live further away from my family so we don't get to these things. I get irritated when we have to go to every birthday, religious event and other for his 2 siblings and 4 nieces but haven't been to 1 for any of them on my side.
I plan to taper off as the kids get older, what 14 year old wants their aunt at a birthday party?
Graduation, however, i would probably go to.

[Anonymous]

I think that you should have a conversation outside of the moment about family obligations and the time commitments to expect. It's better to address these things in a forward looking and calm way. Hear her out and let her hear you out.

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to ask your wife if you will be going to all the graduations. If it's important to her to go, then she should definitely go. But it's also reasonable to ask if you are expected to go to this event. Do you even know the kid who is graduating?