My mom makes me feel guilty
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Anonymous
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My mom has always made me feel guilty. I was the only family member that moved away from home and if there was a family event no matter where i lived she would make me come home even if I really didn’t want to. I have 2 kids now and she does a great job about coming here several times a year. Now her new thing is making me feel guilty about not visiting my in laws. I have 2 children under 4 and do not feel like we have to travel to see our in laws when they can come and visit us. We will go every other year. She says it’s my responsibility as their mother to make sure they see their grandparents. My husband isn’t pushing it but he does not know that my mom is pushing it.
Is there anything I can say to my mom or should I just bite my tounge. Feel like it’s none of her business. |
Anonymous
| Tell your mom it's none of her business. Establish boundaries. |
Anonymous
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"Cut it out with the jewish guilt, Mom! If you keep nagging me, I won't want to talk to you anymore. Is your goal to drive me away? Because that's what you are doing."
I like to set very firm boundaries, and don't put up with any crap. You are an adult. It's your decision what you do. |
Anonymous
| You could tell your mom how you feel about the topic and that she makes you feel guilty. I actually agree with your mother about visiting your in-laws. |
Anonymous
| Sure, mom. I understand that it is what you think I should do. |
Anonymous
| "Mark and I do visit his family, and he takes the lead on those logistics. We are happy with the amount of time we spend with our families. Speaking of, how would you like to go to the state fair during our summer visit?" |
Anonymous
| You have two choices. Three, if you include continuing to lose your mind. (1) Say something about it and tell her you will not let her make you feel guilty for your choices. (2) Stop caring. I hate confrontation, so I'd probably pick (2) until it got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore, and then I'd go to (1). |
Anonymous
Guilt is a thing you are doing to yourself. Nobody can "make" you feel or do anything. You need to draw some boundaries with your mom. |
Anonymous
+1 DH is a big boy and should be handling this anyway. |
Anonymous
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"STOP NAGGING" Then change the conversation. |
Anonymous
And don't argue with her. Don't try to convince her. Tell her what you think and do not engage further. It will be hard to make that change because you will always want her approval. Learn to let her be mad and leave it alone. |
Anonymous
| OP here: thank you so much for all of you helpful ideas. I really appreciate it. |
Anonymous
| "make you" should not be in your vocabulary, Op. Ever. Regarding anyone. You need to feel empowered. Start with vocabulary. |
Anonymous
| You could start skypeing both sets of parents. It’s better than visiting. All the joy and none of the work. We do this with our college student. It’s almost as good (or better) than being together. There’s both an off button and a mute button. |