BIL siphoning off money.... legal and financial planning advice wanted.

[Anonymous]

It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

[Anonymous]

MYOB there will be no good to come from a DIL asking this.

[Anonymous]

Omg. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you MIL's financial planner did make sure that there was some protection by having her pay equally to all siblings. It's her right to give as freely as she wants and you won't be able to stop her unless you get POA over her assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

I actual,y don’t believe this. MIL is free to do with her money what she wants, while she is alive.

Gifts are gifts and do not need to be distributed evenly. No financial planner would force someone to give away money they didn’t have to,

So what’s the real story?

[Anonymous]

It's MIL's money to do as she wishes with. Is it fair? Probably not, but the only thing your DH can do is check in with his mom and let her know that she needs to make sure she has enough money to take care of herself. If the MIL gives all her cash to BIL and ends up broke, that's her choice if she is mentally sound.

[Anonymous]

It's wonderful! Your MIL's got a financial planner worth his or her weight in gold!

Don't worry so much, OP. Your spouse can talk to their mother to fish around for details, and try to persuade her to keep her money for her own care, but at the end of the day, the situation doesn't seem dire. Thanks to the financial planner!

[Anonymous]

Your title is so misleading. That is not siphoning. That’s why people think you’re trying to create drama.
She has a financial planner.

[Anonymous]

I dont get why this is siphoning off or some sort of clandestine behavior. BIL needed money. His Mom decided to gift it to him. Since she was gifting to one of her children, she decided to give an equal gift to all of her other children.

[Anonymous]

You won’t have any financial liability for MIL once she’s gone. Her estate will, but not you personally. The financial planner should be aware of any legal liabilities and be steering her clear of that.

If you’re worried about having to support MIL, consider saving all the money she gives you and your DH. But MIL may have more assets than you know, especially if FIL had a good life insurance policy.

Your DH could talk to his mother to make sure she has all she needs for her future needs. One thing he should keep and eye out for is any signs of dementia. Unfortunately, an inability to manage finances is one of the earliest symptoms.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the issue. You both got equal monies.

Although if her estate runs out quickly and she's put on Medicaid, they will claw back this money from you. They have a look back period.

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping such a conscientious financial planner would be planning for your MIL's future expenses.

That said, your husband (and only your husband) could have said, when he got the money from his mother, "That's so generous, but I want to make sure you're enjoying your money now and will be able to do so for many years! I want to make sure your retirement is very comfortable." Then if your MIL wanted to talk about her financial situation with your husband (and only your husband), she could.

[Anonymous]

The OP sounds just like the poster a couple months back who is in a contentious law suit with a sibling. OP you are greedy and self interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

If you were really worried that she "has enough to last her through the rest of her life," you would have refused the matching gift she made to you. That's not your worry, though. You're worried that you (and your husband) won't get what you believe to be your fair share of your MIL's money.

You suck, OP.

[Anonymous]

The financial planner is smart to suggest this, even though she certainly doesn't have to give equally, because it prevents estate fights after death. Sounds like the financial adviser is all over things, I'm sure he/she is making sure there is enough left for your MIL to live on. Let it go.