Brother called me a bad, neglectful mother because I won't "arm" my 8-year-old daughter

[Anonymous]

He's on this kick of 2nd Amendment everything, posts non-stop on Facebook about NRA/2nd Amendment/gun rights, etc. (I finally just hid him.) We were not raised in anything close to a "gun rights" house, so this is new behavior for him and in direct response to the Parkland shooting at this point. He admits that the kids' response and mobilization after the Parkland shooting bolstered him to join the NRA and he legitimately believes that people are trying to "restrict my god-given constitutional right to own a gun."

Whatever, I was dealing with his crazy, until he called me a neglectful mother because I won't get my daughter trained and armed. At first I thought he was kidding. Then it was apparent he was not. FWIW, he's never married, no kids, 50+ angry middle aged dude. I was going to let it go, but then I called him out, said, "you don't get to question me about my parenting, you just don't. I don't care what your beliefs are, have them, you're entitled, but stay out of our parenting choices." He spewed all kinds of crap to me about how I'll be responsible when she's attacked by out of control frat boys in college some day.

OK, so he's crazy. But what the hell. This man has been disrespectful, somewhat abusive, awful brother my whole adult life. At this point I want to cut him off, especially don't want him to have contact with my daughter, whom, by the way, he's met all of 5 times in her life.

Am I overreacting? What would people do in this situation?? Thankfully we don't live in the same city.

[Anonymous]

Oh no you are not overreacting. You need to cut all ties. He's insane not only about guns but boundaries!

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not speak to him. I’d have no tolerance for someone with that kind of opinion and I wouldn’t feel bad about it for one second. Disengage.

[Anonymous]

He sounds mentally ill. Sometimes I wonder if family members who get fed up with relatives like these and cut them off just further isolate them which leads them deeper into this alternative lifestyle insanity. Not that I blame you, I wouldn’t tolerate that behavior well. Do you think your brother could ever become violent? If he is abusive to you, you are not obligated to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you are going back and forth on him about this. So what if he thinks you are neglectful or a bad parent, or whatever. That's just funny. You don't need to defend yourself to him. I'd unfriend or unfollow him from FB (whatever word means you won't see his posts anymore) and not give it another thought. You don't see him much anyway, so what does 'cutting him off' accomplish or even look like? If you see him at family events, just avoid him like you would any other relative with whom you don't agree or dislike.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Yeah your brother is cray cray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you are going back and forth on him about this. So what if he thinks you are neglectful or a bad parent, or whatever. That's just funny. You don't need to defend yourself to him. I'd unfriend or unfollow him from FB (whatever word means you won't see his posts anymore) and not give it another thought. You don't see him much anyway, so what does 'cutting him off' accomplish or even look like? If you see him at family events, just avoid him like you would any other relative with whom you don't agree or dislike.

Huh? No, it's not, actually.

[Anonymous]

Wash your hands of this crazy moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds mentally ill. Sometimes I wonder if family members who get fed up with relatives like these and cut them off just further isolate them which leads them deeper into this alternative lifestyle insanity. Not that I blame you, I wouldn’t tolerate that behavior well. Do you think your brother could ever become violent? If he is abusive to you, you are not obligated to deal with him.

OP here, I'm concerned about this too. He's really gone off the rails, and at one point I said to my mom, "It's not that I can't handle his alternative viewpoints [meaning alternative to mine], but it's hard to watch someone literally unravel." But he's the last person on earth who would ever admit he needed assistance in any way, so I'm not sure what I would gain by staying in touch at this point. He won't listen to anyone. At least I can save myself from this crap??

[Anonymous]

We do not allow DHs rage-filled, entitled, gun nut brother access to our children. Their safety is more important to me than his feelings.

[Anonymous]

The only response that you need to give him is that the US allows everyone the freedom to make and practice the choices that they want. Just like he has the freedom to be supportive of gun rights, you have the right to not want your child to be around or using guns and the freedom to choose to keep her insulated from guns and gun violence. If he can't allow you to make that choice without criticism from him, then he isn't welcome around your or your family.

After that, if he criticizes your parenting again based on the gun issue you tell him that you will talk to him, but he will no longer have access to your family unless he can communicate with you without any mention of guns whatsoever. If he mentions guns again, no communication at all.

[Anonymous]

Mental health concerns + gun nut makes me a little worried for more than just you and your family personally, unfortunately. Is there anyone in his life close enough to him to make sure he's not a danger to himself or others near him? Sorry to go there, but seems like it may be worth putting a little thought toward it. Not fun stuff

[Anonymous]

He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's on this kick of 2nd Amendment everything, posts non-stop on Facebook about NRA/2nd Amendment/gun rights, etc. (I finally just hid him.) We were not raised in anything close to a "gun rights" house, so this is new behavior for him and in direct response to the Parkland shooting at this point. He admits that the kids' response and mobilization after the Parkland shooting bolstered him to join the NRA and he legitimately believes that people are trying to "restrict my god-given constitutional right to own a gun."

Whatever, I was dealing with his crazy, until he called me a neglectful mother because I won't get my daughter trained and armed. At first I thought he was kidding. Then it was apparent he was not. FWIW, he's never married, no kids, 50+ angry middle aged dude. I was going to let it go, but then I called him out, said, "you don't get to question me about my parenting, you just don't. I don't care what your beliefs are, have them, you're entitled, but stay out of our parenting choices." He spewed all kinds of crap to me about how I'll be responsible when she's attacked by out of control frat boys in college some day.

OK, so he's crazy. But what the hell. This man has been disrespectful, somewhat abusive, awful brother my whole adult life. At this point I want to cut him off, especially don't want him to have contact with my daughter, whom, by the way, he's met all of 5 times in her life.

Am I overreacting? What would people do in this situation?? Thankfully we don't live in the same city.

Ask him WTF he's so angry about. Trump is in the White House and his angry white male friends have controlled all the levers of power for more than a year. So why is he so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

OP here. We still speak. He just has no interest in my daughter (until now, of course.) But we talk and keep in regular contact. That contact is usually unpleasant, however, but it's regular.