Brother called me a bad, neglectful mother because I won't "arm" my 8-year-old daughter

[Anonymous]

Brain tumor?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like undiagnosed mental illness. Or maybe he is just an asshole. Whatever, I would minimize contact with him. There is nothing you can do, and anyway, there are millions more out there that think just like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you are going back and forth on him about this. So what if he thinks you are neglectful or a bad parent, or whatever. That's just funny. You don't need to defend yourself to him. I'd unfriend or unfollow him from FB (whatever word means you won't see his posts anymore) and not give it another thought. You don't see him much anyway, so what does 'cutting him off' accomplish or even look like? If you see him at family events, just avoid him like you would any other relative with whom you don't agree or dislike.

Huh? No, it's not, actually.

It's odd that OP is so upset that her crazy brother questioned her parenting. He's unwell; she's focusing on the wrong issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you are going back and forth on him about this. So what if he thinks you are neglectful or a bad parent, or whatever. That's just funny. You don't need to defend yourself to him. I'd unfriend or unfollow him from FB (whatever word means you won't see his posts anymore) and not give it another thought. You don't see him much anyway, so what does 'cutting him off' accomplish or even look like? If you see him at family events, just avoid him like you would any other relative with whom you don't agree or dislike.

Huh? No, it's not, actually.

It's odd that OP is so upset that her crazy brother questioned her parenting. He's unwell; she's focusing on the wrong issue.

I am the OP and I'm sorry if you think it's funny. It may not be completely relevant, as you are implying, especially if he is indeed unwell and not just becoming a total asshole, but it's certainly not funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no you are not overreacting. You need to cut all ties. He's insane not only about guns but boundaries!

Also, please report him to FBI. He is an INCEL waiting to do violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

OP here. We still speak. He just has no interest in my daughter (until now, of course.) But we talk and keep in regular contact. That contact is usually unpleasant, however, but it's regular.

"The food at this restaurant is terrible, and the portions are so small!"

"We have unpleasant interactions, but they're frequent!"

I don't understand this, for the life of me. Can you explain, OP, why you would want to perpetuate this relationship? Just because he's your brother? Because your parents guilt you into it?

[Anonymous]

You need to slowly and carefully disengage. He might be the type to become violent, and perhaps it won't be you, but some government target.

So if you talk to him once a month, go once every two month, then once every quarter. Don't visit as much, make excuses as to why he can't visit, if he does. Never put down his beliefs, it will only inflame him. Just reiterate your right to your own, courteously.

He does appear to have some kind of mental illness. If his interest in your child increases, make sure the school has a photo on file and never releases her to your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

OP here. We still speak. He just has no interest in my daughter (until now, of course.) But we talk and keep in regular contact. That contact is usually unpleasant, however, but it's regular.

"The food at this restaurant is terrible, and the portions are so small!"

"We have unpleasant interactions, but they're frequent!"

I don't understand this, for the life of me. Can you explain, OP, why you would want to perpetuate this relationship? Just because he's your brother? Because your parents guilt you into it?

Because this is new behavior and I'm struggling to figure out if it merits discarding a 50+ relationship with a sibling, even a very imperfect one. I don't understand how that's hard to comprehend, PP. I think you and I have different definitions of family if this would come easily to you. And I never said I had frequent contact. I said regular. There's a difference, but thanks for the restaurant comment. That was so incredibly helpful and on point.

Thank you to everyone else. Your perspective and suggestions are really helpful. I'm very appreciative. There are tips here I will definitely use.

[Anonymous]

I would be uncomfortable with any man- family or otherwise- having these thoughts about my very underage daughter. Why is a potential future rape on his mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You need to slowly and carefully disengage. He might be the type to become violent, and perhaps it won't be you, but some government target.

So if you talk to him once a month, go once every two month, then once every quarter. Don't visit as much, make excuses as to why he can't visit, if he does. Never put down his beliefs, it will only inflame him. Just reiterate your right to your own, courteously.

He does appear to have some kind of mental illness. If his interest in your child increases, make sure the school has a photo on file and never releases her to your brother.

This^ My mother is similar and yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

OP here. We still speak. He just has no interest in my daughter (until now, of course.) But we talk and keep in regular contact. That contact is usually unpleasant, however, but it's regular.

So here's what to do. Continue to nod, say "uh huh" and just wait for him to get out of this phase.

This isn't a problem. This isn't any different than any other annoying relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's met your 9 yr old five times. You live in different cities. Would "cutting him off" actually change ANYTHING in your life?

OP here. We still speak. He just has no interest in my daughter (until now, of course.) But we talk and keep in regular contact. That contact is usually unpleasant, however, but it's regular.

So here's what to do. Continue to nod, say "uh huh" and just wait for him to get out of this phase.

This isn't a problem. This isn't any different than any other annoying relative.

What are you seeing or not seeing in this case that makes you so sure of that? What are your credentials? There isn't enough info in this post to know if he is a danger to himself/others or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no you are not overreacting. You need to cut all ties. He's insane not only about guns but boundaries!

Also, please report him to FBI. He is an INCEL waiting to do violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be uncomfortable with any man- family or otherwise- having these thoughts about my very underage daughter. Why is a potential future rape on his mind?

Yep. I don't know what your brother is like generally, but I wouldn't allow him to be alone with your dad, now or even in the future. Something is weird about that.

I don't agree with the other posters who say he's mentally ill. People ate sometimes just idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be uncomfortable with any man- family or otherwise- having these thoughts about my very underage daughter. Why is a potential future rape on his mind?

Yep. I don't know what your brother is like generally, but I wouldn't allow him to be alone with your dad, now or even in the future. Something is weird about that.

I don't agree with the other posters who say he's mentally ill. People ate sometimes just idiots.

** alone with your DD (not "dad").