Giving your young teen space

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 14 this year and is spending a lot of time with her friends, which is what I want. She needs a good support group. She is also hanging out with boys, and I need to know how much space to give. For example, she said she was going for a run with her friend but I know she and her friend are also meeting up with boys at the park. I saw her Snapchat. How do you give space to your teen so they can grow and make mistakes on their own, while being a responsible parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 14 this year and is spending a lot of time with her friends, which is what I want. She needs a good support group. She is also hanging out with boys, and I need to know how much space to give. For example, she said she was going for a run with her friend but I know she and her friend are also meeting up with boys at the park. I saw her Snapchat. How do you give space to your teen so they can grow and make mistakes on their own, while being a responsible parent?

Well, lying certainly isn't part of "space"

[Anonymous]

That's not lying, sheesh. (I'm not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not lying, sheesh. (I'm not OP)

I’m a different poster but that is lying... and unacceptable. If she said she is running and then meeting up with some more friends, fine, but you found out through Snapchat, not her talking to you.

[Anonymous]

I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

So you were a hoe and don't want her to be a hoe - is that what you are getting at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

So you were a hoe and don't want her to be a hoe - is that what you are getting at?

Seriously ?

WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

So you were a hoe and don't want her to be a hoe - is that what you are getting at?

What do gardening tools have to do with this thread PP? Might be time for your meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

So you were a hoe and don't want her to be a hoe - is that what you are getting at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

So you were a hoe and don't want her to be a hoe - is that what you are getting at?

Haha

[Anonymous]

I agree this was a lying by omission, but I wouldn't overreact. Just call her out in it and tell her that it looks like she purposely left out the little detail of the meetup with boys and that doesn't sit well with you. (She may try to say that it was a coincidence, but you need to make it clear to her that you aren't unreasonable OR that naive...she doesn't need to hide her desire to be around guys from you--but she needs to be open with you about it for her own safety AND so that you keep trust in your relationship. If it happens again, there will be unpleasant consequences. Name the consequences and follow through if she chooses to go that sneaky route again.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not lying, sheesh. (I'm not OP)

I’m a different poster but that is lying... and unacceptable. If she said she is running and then meeting up with some more friends, fine, but you found out through Snapchat, not her talking to you.

I didn't say "ground her until 2020!" but she is very young to be hiding things so OP should probably look hard at her parenting to figure out why her daughter is already feeling the need to create more space for herself this way, rather than simply saying "Larla and I are going to hang in the park with some other kids from school."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.