Giving your young teen space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

NP. Great advice!

I agree with you, I think the challenging part is remembering what I was like as a teen.

Before she went for her run, I asked her a few questions and she claimed I was an over-protective mom 101. I told her that one day she will appreciate that I set boundaries, and that I cared for her well being.

Thank you for your advice.

OP - I mean this kindly. The truth is that you probably did ask too many questions, because we moms are generally always a bit behind the eightball as our kids mature. The truth is also that you care about her wellbeing and she will appreciate a lot of what you do, but no one ever reacted kindly to that statement.

I think you need to examine why she feels smothered, and see if you can find a way to learn what you need to know as a parent without making her feel that way. Not judging your right to know or your motives, but it will only get worse if you don't find a more effective strategy.

[Anonymous]

Again, I appreciate all of the feedback. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

New poster here but dredging this up because I too am finding my daughter lying about minor things like cursing and plans with friends which we know from seeing her texts. But I don't want to confront her about reading her texts. I too want to give space but am pretty annoyed by the lying. Overall she's a good kid.

[Anonymous]

this one doesn't seem that bad to me --- if she was allowed to go alone to the park, who cares if she met other kids? My only concern would be if she is meeting strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here but dredging this up because I too am finding my daughter lying about minor things like cursing and plans with friends which we know from seeing her texts. But I don't want to confront her about reading her texts. I too want to give space but am pretty annoyed by the lying. Overall she's a good kid.

Asking seriously, not snarkily, both PP and the OP (I know the thread's a bit old): Do your DDs have activities outside school/on weekends etc.? If so, how time consuming are the activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here but dredging this up because I too am finding my daughter lying about minor things like cursing and plans with friends which we know from seeing her texts. But I don't want to confront her about reading her texts. I too want to give space but am pretty annoyed by the lying. Overall she's a good kid.

Asking seriously, not snarkily, both PP and the OP (I know the thread's a bit old): Do your DDs have activities outside school/on weekends etc.? If so, how time consuming are the activities?

I'm the pp and yes she is doing a jv sport which is pretty time consuming. Weekends are a combination of sports and hanging out with friends and bumming around at home. I don't feel like she has too much or too little to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am #blessed because I was such a great liar as a child that I should have won awards, but my daughter is a terrible liar. I refuse to tell her how I know she's lying - she always wants to know so she can argue with me.

I would tell your daughter to come home immediately and never tell her you saw her Snapchat but also never let her "go for a run with a friend" again unless you're there, driving them to a track and watching them from your car. And I'd say, "Next time you want to meet up with boys, just tell me and invite them over. Don't lie about it like you did last time."

Same here! My parents were strict, and I didn't get into a lot of trouble, but I was good at lying. My kids have a tough time lying -- they both had experiences where I caught them early on and impressed how it is much worse than whatever they've done. I try to be cool/understanding about as much as I can, but I have no tolerance for lying.

I trust my kids with their guy friends, but that is partly because neither is interested in boys. I have a lot of trust in my kids in general. They are both pretty earnest for teens and enjoy our close relationship, so they are careful not to screw it up.