Walking on Eggshells?

[Anonymous]

DW asked me yesterday whether living with her is like walking in eggshells? Frankly, the answer is yes. But how do I tell her this?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, do you even see the irony in this question/ answers?

How do you want to live your life?

I’d probably create a conversation sandwich. Something good/ the bad/something good.

Larla, I love how you’re so passionate about things. but sometimes yes, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and trying to keep the peace. I know that you’re always willing to tough things out. How do we work on this together?

[Anonymous]

Can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs!

[Anonymous]

There is a book about this: Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a Borderline Personality Disordered wife. The fact that you can't answer her honestly is proof that she is BPD.

[Anonymous]

I know.

[Anonymous]

Is she willing to listen to an honest answer? Are you able to talk it through, or will you be talked over? If you can, talk it out. If not collect your thoughts and lay them out in a letter or email.

[Anonymous]

I've asked this to my husband, and I definitely don't have bipolar or any other mental illness.

A possibility is that like me at the time when I asked my husband this question, she feels incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. In my case, i felt so tense and stressed all the time, anytime someone came up to me and asked me the most basic request, I felt a bit like I would just react. It is a bit hard to explain but it is as if you are so overhwhelmed that any interaction just feels like someone went up and touched you when you have a sunburn.

It was not a fun way to live, and I was very aware of it (and thus asked my husband if he felt that way).

Just another option, other than mental illness....

In my case, my husband and I addressed the way I manage stress, openly and honestly, and its much better now. To be honest, he did a lot of stepping up (and not just for a week, but continues to do so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this to my husband, and I definitely don't have bipolar or any other mental illness.

BPDs are never mentally ill. It's all the people around them who are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this to my husband, and I definitely don't have bipolar or any other mental illness.

BPDs are never mentally ill. It's all the people around them who are crazy.

You know who is crazy? Someone who responds to something as mundane as "is being with me like walking on eggshells"...which is a very normal feeling when interacting with someone under high stress...and suggesting its bipolar.

I don't think anyone around me is "crazy".

It's okay to have stress and be someone who is tough to be around without immediately assuming there is some "diagnosis".

I've chatted about this feeling with tons of my girlfriends who are working in heavy responsibility jobs and managing families, and its a very normal feeling to feel as if you are just incredibly tense all the time. Thats what causes it to feel like walking on eggshells around them. It's not uncommon.

And suggesting to a husband that is where his head should go, is certainly not helpful to a wife who could just need some help managing an impossible workload.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a book about this: Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a Borderline Personality Disordered wife. The fact that you can't answer her honestly is proof that she is BPD.

actually I had the opposite thought. the fact that she would even ask this question suggests a level of insight and objectivity that makes me think she is not BPD.

[Anonymous]

You have to walk on eggshells around my mom and she definitely has BPD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a book about this: Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a Borderline Personality Disordered wife. The fact that you can't answer her honestly is proof that she is BPD.

actually I had the opposite thought. the fact that she would even ask this question suggests a level of insight and objectivity that makes me think she is not BPD.

It depends. My mom has BPD and would ask questions like this. It was really just a set up. If you said yes, you unleashed hell. If you said no, she would either be happy or turn it into a "then WHY do you do X,Y,Z if you don't have to walk on eggshells" it's kind of one of those "pity me" questions. If you answer yes, instead of realizing she needs to change or that behavior is wrong, she takes it as an opportunity to do the whole "sob I'm such a horrible person" crap so that you then have to make her feel better.

[Anonymous]

I would say something like "I really love you, and I'd like to find ways for us to communicate with less conflict. Would you be willing to [go to therapy with me, or do this couples workshop, or read this book, get a physical, or whatever you think would be useful for you as a couple]? If she's asking, that shows she thinks something is wrong and wants to address it, but I think you need to be careful not to put it all on her [ie: yes I'm walking on eggshells because you're a psycho who freaks out about everything].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this to my husband, and I definitely don't have bipolar or any other mental illness.

BPDs are never mentally ill. It's all the people around them who are crazy.

You know who is crazy? Someone who responds to something as mundane as "is being with me like walking on eggshells"...which is a very normal feeling when interacting with someone under high stress...and suggesting its bipolar.

I don't think anyone around me is "crazy".

It's okay to have stress and be someone who is tough to be around without immediately assuming there is some "diagnosis".

I've chatted about this feeling with tons of my girlfriends who are working in heavy responsibility jobs and managing families, and its a very normal feeling to feel as if you are just incredibly tense all the time. Thats what causes it to feel like walking on eggshells around them. It's not uncommon.

And suggesting to a husband that is where his head should go, is certainly not helpful to a wife who could just need some help managing an impossible workload.

Nothing normal about feeling like walking on eggshells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a book about this: Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a Borderline Personality Disordered wife. The fact that you can't answer her honestly is proof that she is BPD.

actually I had the opposite thought. the fact that she would even ask this question suggests a level of insight and objectivity that makes me think she is not BPD.

It depends. My mom has BPD and would ask questions like this. It was really just a set up. If you said yes, you unleashed hell. If you said no, she would either be happy or turn it into a "then WHY do you do X,Y,Z if you don't have to walk on eggshells" it's kind of one of those "pity me" questions. If you answer yes, instead of realizing she needs to change or that behavior is wrong, she takes it as an opportunity to do the whole "sob I'm such a horrible person" crap so that you then have to make her feel better.

Your mom sounds just like my ex-wife.