What do you do when you have an issue to take up with the coach/leader?

[Anonymous]

When you or your kid is part of a team, how do you handle issues with which you are unhappy or in disagreement?
1) Do you mass text the team, along with the coach/leader, or make a public post to everyone airing your issue?
2) Do you privately reach out to the coach and hope for a solution?
3) Or do you bitch and kvetch on the sidelines, but other than that, do nothing, since someone else is in charge of this show?

I have done both the second and third, never the first. I've noticed on the past few teams/groups of which we've been a part, there's always someone who airs their issue publicly, under the guise of "hey, I'd like group feedback". It always seems really confrontational towards the coach though, like the person is trying to rally the troops against the big, bad leader. When I try to put into words why I think this approach is wrong, though, I can't figure it out. I know we are all adults - we should be able to openly and respectfully air our concerns, and, if it's a legit gripe, the leader can address or make changes or not, as necessary. If it's not a legit gripe, then that person just looks like a complainer. But again, even though I logically write that out, I still feel like he's trying to overthrow the leader or something. lol

So, if you are for or against #1, why?

*note - In my specific circumstances, the child isn't old enough to be involved in the problem resolution.

[Anonymous]

#2 if it’s a legit issue and you can’t just GOI. #1 is bitchy and petty.

[Anonymous]

I'm opposed to #1 mostly because I feel like the first time I raise something I should be sure if I'm right and also give the offending person the chance to fix without public attention.

Examples might be:

I'm mad my kid isn't getting equal playing time--- coach tells me no equal playing time at a practice (or something)

Or, I'm upset that kid plays in the game but didn't show up to practice (maybe coach doesn't have that rule, maybe coach didn't realize and will fix) Maybe coach made a mistake and wants to rectify.

I would only do #1 if attempts to fix it nicely were ignored.

[Anonymous]

I used to coach girls softball. I would be really pissed if someone did 1. I tried to be reasonable and responsive. Frankly, my parents were happy -- where were a few issues that people brought to my attention. I then either explained why I did what I did (e.g., your kid is not playing infield until she pays attention when the ball is hit -- safety), and I took what they said into consideration.

In the example of playing infield, I told the girl, a 7 yo, if you are able to focus on the game, I will let you play infield. And I explained the reason why: some 7 yo's hit the ball hard, and if you are playing in the dirt, you could get hurt by the ball.

As I said, most of the parents (and the girls) here ok. And many of the the girls -- about 1/2 make up the HS JV team (they are blocked from varsity because the varsity team is easily the best HS team in the area).

[Anonymous]

Op here - I agree if #1 happened to me, I'd be pissed off as well. It's happening on almost every team or group to which we belong, though. Is the instant group access (via facebook, or text or special apps) making everyone brazen, or are they really just clueless?

It's not usually about something that pertains to only their kid - examples the time of meeting, how long practice is lasting, why we are playing this tourney that's so far away vs. this one that's closer, why we're going to this meeting at all when it's geared towards the older kids. The are legitimate concerns or gripes, some I've even thought myself, but I bet the leaders have reasons for doing whatever it is. I just can't imagine calling out a leader openly.

[Anonymous]

First of all: I assume my criticism will not matter to the coach.
If I can't stifle my criticism, I talk to him/her.
If he/she is disrespectful, I will make raise the concern in a public way.

[Anonymous]

I was once told that if I wanted things my way, I should volunteer to coach myself. I took that to heart. Please leave the coach alone. If your kid isn’t getting playing time there is a reason why. Do not demand a certain number, complain openly that your snowflake should have the position they want, or email the coach to give your opinion. Volunteer to coach, ask how you can help, be kind, and trust them. They are donating their time to you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

4) We move on.

If it's something I'm unhappy with, we will not return the following year. We don't air our grievances to fellow parents or the Coach, TD, etc..

Usually its endemic of a Club. We've moved twice (once for each) since 2010. The grass was greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4) We move on.

If it's something I'm unhappy with, we will not return the following year. We don't air our grievances to fellow parents or the Coach, TD, etc..

Usually its endemic of a Club. We've moved twice (once for each) since 2010. The grass was greener.

1 time each kid it was meant to say. We always stayed the 'second' year to see if things would be different. They weren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was once told that if I wanted things my way, I should volunteer to coach myself. I took that to heart. Please leave the coach alone. If your kid isn’t getting playing time there is a reason why. Do not demand a certain number, complain openly that your snowflake should have the position they want, or email the coach to give your opinion. Volunteer to coach, ask how you can help, be kind, and trust them. They are donating their time to you and your kid.

Uh, what if we're paying him? Is there more room to speak up when the coach is an employee of the organization?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was once told that if I wanted things my way, I should volunteer to coach myself. I took that to heart. Please leave the coach alone. If your kid isn’t getting playing time there is a reason why. Do not demand a certain number, complain openly that your snowflake should have the position they want, or email the coach to give your opinion. Volunteer to coach, ask how you can help, be kind, and trust them. They are donating their time to you and your kid.

Uh, what if we're paying him? Is there more room to speak up when the coach is an employee of the organization?

OP here - I think there's a right way to talk to the coach. Asking how to get more playing time is different than asking why your kid isn't getting more time. If the coach is paid, he should be giving you feedback already.

And I agree with PP, volunteers are doing something the other 11 parents along the sidelines wouldn't do - they deserve respect and appreciation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you or your kid is part of a team, how do you handle issues with which you are unhappy or in disagreement?
1) Do you mass text the team, along with the coach/leader, or make a public post to everyone airing your issue?
2) Do you privately reach out to the coach and hope for a solution?
3) Or do you bitch and kvetch on the sidelines, but other than that, do nothing, since someone else is in charge of this show?

I have done both the second and third, never the first. I've noticed on the past few teams/groups of which we've been a part, there's always someone who airs their issue publicly, under the guise of "hey, I'd like group feedback". It always seems really confrontational towards the coach though, like the person is trying to rally the troops against the big, bad leader. When I try to put into words why I think this approach is wrong, though, I can't figure it out. I know we are all adults - we should be able to openly and respectfully air our concerns, and, if it's a legit gripe, the leader can address or make changes or not, as necessary. If it's not a legit gripe, then that person just looks like a complainer. But again, even though I logically write that out, I still feel like he's trying to overthrow the leader or something. lol

So, if you are for or against #1, why?

*note - In my specific circumstances, the child isn't old enough to be involved in the problem resolution.

Mostly 2, especially if it just impacts my kid.

If the issue is something that potentially impacts everyone, I might feel out other parents, although usually in person so I'm not sure if that's 1 or 3. So, for example, I've seen teams decide that they suddenly want everyone to have some expensive piece of "spirit wear" (e.g. not actual equipment for the sport). I think sometimes more affluent parents forget the impact that a sudden request for a $50 hairbow (yes, I've seen this for cheerleading) or a $100 team jacket can have on a family's budget. I might ask other families if they would like to approach the manager or whoever is responsible together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was once told that if I wanted things my way, I should volunteer to coach myself. I took that to heart. Please leave the coach alone. If your kid isn’t getting playing time there is a reason why. Do not demand a certain number, complain openly that your snowflake should have the position they want, or email the coach to give your opinion. Volunteer to coach, ask how you can help, be kind, and trust them. They are donating their time to you and your kid.

Uh, what if we're paying him? Is there more room to speak up when the coach is an employee of the organization?

Paid coaches are a totally different situation than parent volunteers. Although I don't think #1 is ever appropriate unless the person has been spoken to privately first with no results.

[Anonymous]

#1 is just awful whether the coach is a volunteer, paid, or Bruce Arena himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you or your kid is part of a team, how do you handle issues with which you are unhappy or in disagreement?
1) Do you mass text the team, along with the coach/leader, or make a public post to everyone airing your issue?
2) Do you privately reach out to the coach and hope for a solution?
3) Or do you bitch and kvetch on the sidelines, but other than that, do nothing, since someone else is in charge of this show?

I have done both the second and third, never the first. I've noticed on the past few teams/groups of which we've been a part, there's always someone who airs their issue publicly, under the guise of "hey, I'd like group feedback". It always seems really confrontational towards the coach though, like the person is trying to rally the troops against the big, bad leader. When I try to put into words why I think this approach is wrong, though, I can't figure it out. I know we are all adults - we should be able to openly and respectfully air our concerns, and, if it's a legit gripe, the leader can address or make changes or not, as necessary. If it's not a legit gripe, then that person just looks like a complainer. But again, even though I logically write that out, I still feel like he's trying to overthrow the leader or something. lol

So, if you are for or against #1, why?

*note - In my specific circumstances, the child isn't old enough to be involved in the problem resolution.

Number 1 is acceptable ONLY IF the issue is one that affects the whole of the group. Things like last minute schedule changes etc. Otherwise number 1 is a terrible way to go about solving problems.