What do you do when you have an issue to take up with the coach/leader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was once told that if I wanted things my way, I should volunteer to coach myself. I took that to heart. Please leave the coach alone. If your kid isn’t getting playing time there is a reason why. Do not demand a certain number, complain openly that your snowflake should have the position they want, or email the coach to give your opinion. Volunteer to coach, ask how you can help, be kind, and trust them. They are donating their time to you and your kid.

Uh, what if we're paying him? Is there more room to speak up when the coach is an employee of the organization?

Paid coaches are a totally different situation than parent volunteers. Although I don't think #1 is ever appropriate unless the person has been spoken to privately first with no results.

I think some variation of number 1 can be appropriate when it's an everybody issue. Like a change in practice time, or a discussion about whether kids still need snacks at practice.

When it's a 1 kid issue like playing time (although hopefully there's not a playing time issue involving kids too young to talk to the coaches themselves), or a complaint related to a specific behavior by the coach, then that's better handled privately.

[Anonymous]

I would probably ask a couple of parents one-on-one if this was also an issue for them. If I got the impression that it was just an issue for me, I'd talk to the coach one-on-one.

I've definitely done #3 when I wasn't super happy about something but didn't feel it necessarily needed to be escalated. I've done #2 if I felt something definitely needed to be said, and there was a possible solution at hand. I have never and would never do #1.

Also, if the coach is a volunteer, think twice before doing anything. It's annoying to put a lot of your personal time into something and have parents acting like jerks. If they want things a certain way, they should volunteer. It's usually the parents that have their kids in 6 different activities each and use that as an excuse why they can't help with any of them. They're freeloaders, and need to consider that not helping maybe means sometimes being quiet.

[Anonymous]

10:49 - those are two good examples, by the way. I would absolutely email the whole team if we were trying to gauge what a good practice time/day would be, or if we were trying to decide on snacks vs. no snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:49 - those are two good examples, by the way. I would absolutely email the whole team if we were trying to gauge what a good practice time/day would be, or if we were trying to decide on snacks vs. no snacks.

OP here again - You're making a distinction between trying to decide vs disagreeing with a decision.

I agree, if the team, collectively, is trying to decide a good day, or snacks vs. no snacks, then yes, group text.

But, if coach decides we'll practice Wednesday @5 and we will set up a snack schedule, and I disagree with either of those, then no group text. I'll either deal with it, or go to him one-on-one. I think it would be disrespectful to text the entire team to say "I know coach said we'll set up a snack schedule, but I think these kids are too old for a snack." I'm pretty sure you think the same, but I just wanted to make sure?

[Anonymous]

You wait a day or two, and by that time you realize that what you thought was an issue, wasn't an issue at all. Unless coach is never showing up for practice and events....then you find another coach and team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:49 - those are two good examples, by the way. I would absolutely email the whole team if we were trying to gauge what a good practice time/day would be, or if we were trying to decide on snacks vs. no snacks.

OP here again - You're making a distinction between trying to decide vs disagreeing with a decision.

I agree, if the team, collectively, is trying to decide a good day, or snacks vs. no snacks, then yes, group text.

But, if coach decides we'll practice Wednesday @5 and we will set up a snack schedule, and I disagree with either of those, then no group text. I'll either deal with it, or go to him one-on-one. I think it would be disrespectful to text the entire team to say "I know coach said we'll set up a snack schedule, but I think these kids are too old for a snack." I'm pretty sure you think the same, but I just wanted to make sure?

Oh Dear Lord! You sounds exactly like an insane sports' parent. I would suggest you stop being OCD... about snack or anything and if these kids are old enough, drop off, do a bag of oranges and disappear during practice. In one e-mail you are undermining the coach, telling all the other parents what is wrong and right and honestly, you need to take a good look at yourself. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you or your kid is part of a team, how do you handle issues with which you are unhappy or in disagreement?
1) Do you mass text the team, along with the coach/leader, or make a public post to everyone airing your issue?
2) Do you privately reach out to the coach and hope for a solution?
3) Or do you bitch and kvetch on the sidelines, but other than that, do nothing, since someone else is in charge of this show?

I have done both the second and third, never the first. I've noticed on the past few teams/groups of which we've been a part, there's always someone who airs their issue publicly, under the guise of "hey, I'd like group feedback". It always seems really confrontational towards the coach though, like the person is trying to rally the troops against the big, bad leader. When I try to put into words why I think this approach is wrong, though, I can't figure it out. I know we are all adults - we should be able to openly and respectfully air our concerns, and, if it's a legit gripe, the leader can address or make changes or not, as necessary. If it's not a legit gripe, then that person just looks like a complainer. But again, even though I logically write that out, I still feel like he's trying to overthrow the leader or something. lol

So, if you are for or against #1, why?

*note - In my specific circumstances, the child isn't old enough to be involved in the problem resolution.

Number 1 is acceptable ONLY IF the issue is one that affects the whole of the group. Things like last minute schedule changes etc. Otherwise number 1 is a terrible way to go about solving problems.

Totally agree, but #1 definitely provides the most amusement value for the rest of the team. I have a collection of 6 or 7 truly epic parent rants/meltdowns from my own kids' many years of youth sports, and about 20 others that friends have sent me because they know how much I enjoy reading them. The group emails very rarely work out well for the sender or his child. I do tend to think they are less harmful to the coach and team morale than the sideline agitators are though, and I always give the #1 folks points for honesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:49 - those are two good examples, by the way. I would absolutely email the whole team if we were trying to gauge what a good practice time/day would be, or if we were trying to decide on snacks vs. no snacks.

OP here again - You're making a distinction between trying to decide vs disagreeing with a decision.

I agree, if the team, collectively, is trying to decide a good day, or snacks vs. no snacks, then yes, group text.

But, if coach decides we'll practice Wednesday @5 and we will set up a snack schedule, and I disagree with either of those, then no group text. I'll either deal with it, or go to him one-on-one. I think it would be disrespectful to text the entire team to say "I know coach said we'll set up a snack schedule, but I think these kids are too old for a snack." I'm pretty sure you think the same, but I just wanted to make sure?

Oh Dear Lord! You sounds exactly like an insane sports' parent. I would suggest you stop being OCD... about snack or anything and if these kids are old enough, drop off, do a bag of oranges and disappear during practice. In one e-mail you are undermining the coach, telling all the other parents what is wrong and right and honestly, you need to take a good look at yourself. What is wrong with you?

Can you read? None of these posters have stated they'd do anything you're ranting about. You need help, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Re: Snacks - as the kids get older and rosters get larger, we have fewer games than we do kids. So I put up the snack signup and if there are parents who are anti-snack, they just don't sign up for a slot. I specifically say, "If you are anti-snack, that's cool, don't feel like you need to sign up."

Practice times are harder because the coach doesn't always have a ton of control over external factors. He knows what times he is available, and hopefully there is some overlap on the vector diagram between his availability and field space availability. It can be tough to find a time that works for a majority of parents. Early practices conflict with work. Late practices conflict with dinner and school functions. Hard to win.

[Anonymous]

14:59 here - "Venn" diagram, not "vector" diagram. Sheesh. I need sleep.