The married single mom?

[Anonymous]

I read an article that got me thinking. The article claimed that, even though a woman’s husband was gone 5 days a week for work, he provided care for the children when he was home, and financial support as well. So she was in no way like a single mom.

So, if a mom IS divorced or otherwise “single”, but her ex has visitation of the children and pays child support and/or alimony, is she not really a single mom either?

Are the only true single moms the ones with deadbeat dads who don’t ever pay child support or see their kids?

[Anonymous]

Don't know. But I have a spouse who travels a lot and I do 95% of the childcare. But, if there is an emergency or if so want to bounce ideas off of him or something, he is always available. So, different from a divorced person with an ex who remains involved. There is more support.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's (partial) genetic contributor has literally never met her, and could not pick her out of a lineup of 15 year old girls. He does not know her name. He is not on the birth certificate. I am a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read an article that got me thinking. The article claimed that, even though a woman’s husband was gone 5 days a week for work, he provided care for the children when he was home, and financial support as well. So she was in no way like a single mom.

So, if a mom IS divorced or otherwise “single”, but her ex has visitation of the children and pays child support and/or alimony, is she not really a single mom either?

Are the only true single moms the ones with deadbeat dads who don’t ever pay child support or see their kids?

Well, I have 2 friends who were widows in their 30s with young children. I can assure you they are single moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't know. But I have a spouse who travels a lot and I do 95% of the childcare. But, if there is an emergency or if so want to bounce ideas off of him or something, he is always available. So, different from a divorced person with an ex who remains involved. There is more support.

+1. Same here. I don't think of myself as a single mom as I have access to two full salaries, another adult to make decisions with, and help every weekend.

[Anonymous]

You are only a single mom if the other parent is not involved or dead.

My ex, who was very involved with our kids, died recently. As a result I am now a single mom. I feel a huge difference now that I am 100% on my own with them. Such a significant loss.

Honestly, I was more well rested as a divorced mom than I was when we were married. When we were married the kids were in my presence 24/7 and I did way more for the family on a consistent basis. Once we split he was forced to do his share because I was not around to pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

[Anonymous]

I think if you are not cohabitation with someone you are a single mom. That doesn't mean that the life of all single moms is equally difficult.

My ex is involved with the kids and pays child support, but our financial picture is still very different than when we were only supporting one household. I have to prearrange and juggle everything that's outside our regular custody schedule in a whole different way than when I was married. I no longer have someone to discuss parenting with (we occasionally touch base on big stuff, but I can't go look to him for consolation when my kids is acting up or I don't like how I handled something.)

I have it a lot easier than friends whose exes aren't involved, don't pay support, aren't accommodating of scheduling issues, or who are widowed (or single mom's by choice). But I'm still a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Why does it even matter? The title of single mom is not a prize.

[Anonymous]

Get a life OP.

[Anonymous]

Single describes marital status. If the woman is not married, whether her ex is a deadbeat or has visitation, I consider her a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single describes marital status. If the woman is not married, whether her ex is a deadbeat or has visitation, I consider her a single mom.

And that is all it means. It doesn’t indicate anything other than marital status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read an article that got me thinking. The article claimed that, even though a woman’s husband was gone 5 days a week for work, he provided care for the children when he was home, and financial support as well. So she was in no way like a single mom.

So, if a mom IS divorced or otherwise “single”, but her ex has visitation of the children and pays child support and/or alimony, is she not really a single mom either?

Are the only true single moms the ones with deadbeat dads who don’t ever pay child support or see their kids?

I don't think that's a "claim." That's a "fact."

In no way is a married woman who is the primary caregiver but has a husband that provides financially and with child care relief a couple of days a week even remotely like a "single mom" with all of the pressures (and stigma) that signals.

[Anonymous]

I think what you're describing is a "martyr mom" and not a "single mom." As in, stop being so dramatic, martyr mom.

[Anonymous]

I think there is some leeway in the terminology. There is a woman down the street whose husband is away at sea for 6-8 month deployments at a time. I don't think she can even contact him via text or phone. She may be married but it sure does seem to me that she is a "single mom" when her husband is away and she is fully responsible for the safety, health and care of their kids.

I can't remember what the specific form is called but we are her back-up for the kids if there is a national emergency and she can't get to them because of her job, which is also military. She literally cried when we agreed to do it and then got all the legal forms notarized. We were not super-close at the time but they were new to the area and had no one local to turn to.