Why are some posters here in the college forum so nasty?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is at least 10 years away from starting the college process, but I occasionally read this forum and have posted here a few times. Several times, I've immediately gotten rude responses, or noticed really rude responses to other posters. I find this to be the case here much more than in other DCUM forums that I frequent (schools, elementary kids, real estate, etc.).

Why are some posters (not all, I see many helpful posters too) so aggressively rude here? Is it because college admissions is like the ultimate or penultimate judgment on our parenting? Why the crabs in the barrel mentality? And finally, am I and other young parents destined to become you guys in the years ahead?

Speculations and predictions are welcome.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the anonymity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is at least 10 years away from starting the college process, but I occasionally read this forum and have posted here a few times. Several times, I've immediately gotten rude responses, or noticed really rude responses to other posters. I find this to be the case here much more than in other DCUM forums that I frequent (schools, elementary kids, real estate, etc.).

Why are some posters (not all, I see many helpful posters too) so aggressively rude here? Is it because college admissions is like the ultimate or penultimate judgment on our parenting? Why the crabs in the barrel mentality? And finally, am I and other young parents destined to become you guys in the years ahead?

Speculations and predictions are welcome.

this + anxiety

[Anonymous]

" Is it because college admissions is like the ultimate or penultimate judgment on our parenting?"

For a lot of people, yes, I think so.

Think about how often in other forums, if they're arguing about something that's rooted in philosophical differences -- baby-wearing, co-sleeping, SAH vs. WOH, spanking vs. timeouts, travel soccer vs. family dinners -- the ultimate trump card is "Well, I did X and now he's at Princeton."

[Anonymous]

It is also a massive financial investment. That brings another level of stress to the decision.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think you have hit on the answer. But even bigger than parenting, some people somehow wrap up their identity and self-worth with college (their own or their kids). This causes any conversation that acknowledges that there is not a single, best way to do things to go downhill quickly.

[Anonymous]

Your child is 10+ years away from college. I don't know what types of questions you are asking but it could be that some posters think that you are jumping the gun a bit. Your child is young and there is no guarantee that your kid will even want to go to college. It's possible that your questions come off as a bit "trollish" and that some of the posters think that is your way of making fun of their own angst?

[Anonymous]

"at least 10 years away from starting the college process"...is your child in Kindergarten??

[Anonymous]

No OP, people are mean on every forum. Maybe you are just getting nervous about colleges even though it is so far away for you. Look at the food forum, for example. People rail vs. people who shop at TJ...oh the horror!

[Anonymous]

You can also report posts that are particularly nasty and derail the thread. I’ve done this a couple of times and they have been removed. It’s better to do this than engage.

[Anonymous]

Private school forum is really nasty too. Suspect there’s a lot of overlap.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing a certain demographics based on similar experience in these postingsI live in CA in a relatively affluent area with relatively younger population. Mostly newly rich. They tend to be more status conscious. Now I go to even more affluent area, people there are older and are generally very gracious. But even in this group, when in the less affluent crowd, condo owners as opposed to single detached homeowners, they are younger and must feel the pressure of not having arrived yet. They can be nasty. I am guessing the nasty DCUM crowd might be relatively young, newly rich, and probably very status conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school forum is really nasty too. Suspect there’s a lot of overlap.

OP here. I agree, there is likely a lot of overlap! That forum can get pretty nasty, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"at least 10 years away from starting the college process"...is your child in Kindergarten??

No, 1st. But I have some interest in some of the issues discussed here, have extended family members who have recently gone through the college application process or will soon, and am just curious what the future holds. I wonder whether my spouse and I will become single-minded, stop-at-nothing-to-get-my-child-into-an-Ivy types in a few years. Right now, we do have reasonably high expectations, but are fairly laidback, I like to think. Will that change? Or were the types of parents here who are calling others idiots and morons always that way, even in the earlier years?

[Anonymous]

I agree its a symptom of the site, people have anxiety, there is stress about money and others / the same folks are wrapped up in the sense of prestige and / or failure.

I also think it shows up here more obviously because there are fewer threads and fewer responses to these threads.

So its easier for an asshat or two to stand out more in these circs.