Finding new dreams after infertility

[Anonymous]

We are at the end of the road of infertility where we are done with infertility treatments and trying on our own, it's been 4 years.

How did you find new dreams after infertility? What were your dreams?

I'm feeling heartbroken, depressed and lost.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. We decided to move on to adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. We decided to move on to adoption.

OP here. Were you successful?

[Anonymous]

Aw, OP, I’m so sorry. I am not quite where you are (still trucking along for the time being), but I often think about hobbies/interests I could indulge in if I didn’t have to spend so much energy and money on trying to get pregnant. In my case, I dream of travel, volunteering, music lessons, writing. Is there anything like that you have missed out on over the past four years? An instrument you used to play or an organization where you’d like to volunteer? Travel may be a good place to start because it doesn’t require a long term commitment and it can be done affordably.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your pain, OP. We went through secondary infertility and then decided to adopt. Adoption presents some challenges, but for our family it brought many blessings. I hope you find your dream, whatever it might be.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm so sorry. We went through almost 5 yrs of IF and seeing what's beyond is very challenging. I don't know if you and your partner are adventuresome.

Here are some things to think about: international travel/volunteer work, adoption, set a goal to retire early, learn a skill(s), start camping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry for your pain, OP. We went through secondary infertility and then decided to adopt. Adoption presents some challenges, but for our family it brought many blessings. I hope you find your dream, whatever it might be.

OP here. What type of adoption did you do? How did it turn out? We are considering this option but DH is not fully on board (though I am).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. We decided to move on to adoption.

OP here. Were you successful?

Just starting out.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP.

As like other posters, we moved to adoption. For us personally, it wasn't a difficult choice as I'm adopted and my husband was fully on board with it. We did international adoption and while things have changed on that front to mean longer waits and children who are toddlers when they come home, we were under a different system that moved quicker. We did get an infant (though not a newborn) and the whole process from first application to bringing her home was 14 months (including 2.5 months for a referral and 3.5 months for the governments to give emigration permission).

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

I think you mourn. It's a loss like any other. I think mourning and working at acceptance will help lead you to your next steps. It's ok to just be sad. But like any grief, you may just need time to "move on", whatever that looks like for you.

I'm so sorry this hasn't worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you mourn. It's a loss like any other. I think mourning and working at acceptance will help lead you to your next steps. It's ok to just be sad. But like any grief, you may just need time to "move on", whatever that looks like for you.

I'm so sorry this hasn't worked out.

OP here. I tried to work with a few therapists who specialized in infertility but found none of them helpful.

I have been in the grief stage for 2 years now. It doesn't feel like it's getting any better as time goes on. When does it get easier?

[Anonymous]

We adopted, too. We went through a domestic adoption agency and our DS is a year old. We adopted him at birth. He is an absolute joy. We spent about 5 years and did 9 transfers, 4 rounds were full IVF with my own eggs and 5 rounds were with donor eggs. We couldn't be more thrilled with our little guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We adopted, too. We went through a domestic adoption agency and our DS is a year old. We adopted him at birth. He is an absolute joy. We spent about 5 years and did 9 transfers, 4 rounds were full IVF with my own eggs and 5 rounds were with donor eggs. We couldn't be more thrilled with our little guy.

PP did you get a diagnosis as to why the donor eggs didn't work? Did you have implantation problems?

Congrats on your adoption! May I ask what agency you worked with and how long it took?

[Anonymous]

PP 14:02 here.

We used A Act of Love in Utah. Lots of people on here say they are shady. We didn't feel like they were anything but on the up and up. We updated our Homestudy in January 2016. We signed up with AOL in April of 2016. We finished our paperwork in Sept-Oct of 2016. AOL started sending us the "situations available" in early November. The way it works is they send the situations and then you tell them whether you want to be "introduced" to the birth mother. In January our birthmother asked for a Skype interview with us and a couple other couples. Then, on the day of the Apocalypse (01/20/2017) our birth mother told us she had chosen us as her baby's adoptive parents. (It was a bright light for us in the middle of the disaster) Our son was born in late March. Our BM wasn't due for a few more days but we found out she was in labor as we were boarding the plane to Utah. He had been born by the time we landed. We met him that day, she signed the paperwork the following day and we took him home (to our hotel) the next day. We had to stay in Utah for about a week for the interstate paperwork to be filed and we went to court while there. Six months later the adoption was finalized and we got the new birth certificates.


I don't want to get into too much of our BM's story. We had independent verification that she had not been doing any drugs during the pregnancy. We also knew that she was getting prenatal care. Our son is a healthy, happy little guy. He has been walking for about 2.5 months now and chattering up a storm. We really feel like we hit the jackpot with him.

[Anonymous]

Children didn't happen for me either and then my marriage ended so I didn't think adoption was right for me as a single parent. I love the idea of adoption. Even fostering. As for your heart, you do have to grieve the loss and it may never fully heal as you will be face reminders of what you missed out on. But I have played a role in the lives of other's children around me and as they have grown into lovely adults I have shared in the blessing of seeing them prosper and do well. Look for opportunities to be around babies, children, youth and even though you may not be able to share in every milestone, you can be part of their lives. I pray you find peace in this...