Divorcing with kids and last name change.

[Anonymous]

For those who have divorced while you still have minor children at home, did you revert back to your birth name (if you changed it to begin with)? I'm separated and longing for divorce from an asshole. My kids have his last name. I am SHOCKED to find myself wanting to revert anyway. I changed mine in the first place because we knew we wanted a family and it seemed important to me to all have the same name, but now I realize how ridiculous that is (for me). I'm their mom, I'm going to remain their primary caregiver, and I want no part of me to bear his name for another second.

Thoughts or experiences? Thanks much.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t keep it if he is an asshole.

[Anonymous]

I never changed mine-and I am so glad now to not have it. It doesn’t cause any problems having a different last name than the kids.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want. What is the big deal? My husband's ex kept his name for many years and one day decided to change it (it was after we had kids, we never thought anything about it but she kept asking why I didn't change my name so I wonder if she worried she was taking it from me but I had no interest in changing mine).

[Anonymous]

You are a family, no matter what your last name says. Do as you wish.

[Anonymous]

I kept my ex's married name because my kids were young and it would have been confusing. I also had a well established career under that name. My ex was an ass too, but it had nothing to do with his name. If my kids were much older (high school?) I might have reverted back.

[Anonymous]

My mom kept her last name until I was out of law school. It was a PITA for her to go back to her maiden name because it was never "given" back to her in the divorce.

[Anonymous]

I was in your exact situation 3 years ago. I ended up changing back to my maiden name. There was no way I wanted to be tied to him. I am so glad I changed my name. It’s fine that my kids have a different last name. It’s been no problem at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation 3 years ago. I ended up changing back to my maiden name. There was no way I wanted to be tied to him. I am so glad I changed my name. It’s fine that my kids have a different last name. It’s been no problem at all.

Given the way my marriage ended I’m glad exDW reverted. She wasn’t worthy of keeping my family name.

[Anonymous]

Yes change it, also use your last name for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I took my maiden name back, it was much easier to do it in the divorce, I am so glad that I did. When I got remarried I did not take my new husband’s last name. So now we have three last names in the family, but it’s 2018, who cares?

[Anonymous]

I am going back to my maiden name, and never changing it again.

[Anonymous]

One of the many reasons why I kept my name and our kids have my name too.

I think you should change your name back. It's a symbol of your independence. And then give your kids the choice about whether they'd like to do the same (with NO pressure from you, more just say that if they ever wanted to do that in the future then it's totally fine with you and they should just let you know).

[Anonymous]

I divorced when my DD was an infant and DS was a toddler. I kept my married name as my professional license is in that name. I would say there’s no harm in reverting back. There are plenty of parents, teachers and coaches who assume we are still married even though our school paperwork and contacts show two different addresses. It’s annoying and I hardly correct them because it’s not worth getting into. I found most people assumed I was married even without a ring because my kids were so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes change it, also use your last name for your kids.

Thanks for the person who mentioned putting it in the divorce agreement- I did that figuring whatever I decide I would at least have easy options that way. What do you mean about changin the kids names too? I’d assume he will object to that. Thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate hearing that others have done this.