Uncle doesn't want to know me

[Anonymous]

I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

[Anonymous]

Whatever resulted in him and your mom not speaking is spilling over to you. Not necessarily fair, but nothing you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

I'd give up. It doesn't matter why he doesn't want contact... unfortunately you can't force an explanation out of him.

[Anonymous]

Well, why doesn't he have a relationship with your mother? That would probably explain why he doesn't want a relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

The ball is in his court if he wants to reply. Sometimes lack of contact is a blessing.

DH's uncle called him a snowflake millennial libtard, and said he wanted nothing to do with us.

DH is 40 years old and not a liberal, his uncle is just a kook.

[Anonymous]

You need to let it go. You've tried twice. He's made his position clear. It's a shame, but you can't control other people.

I don't think blood relatives mean that much. I'm much closer to my friends than my blood relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

[Anonymous]

You should stop trying to communicate online, and approach him in person. Otherwise, there is no way to really know he's getting your message. Someone could have intercepted the message and not pass it along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should stop trying to communicate online, and approach him in person. Otherwise, there is no way to really know he's getting your message. Someone could have intercepted the message and not pass it along.

He lives in different state. Plus I think it's not very appropriate just to walk in to his store/home?

[Anonymous]

Depending on when she said it, your mom's comment may not just have threatened his job--it may have threatened his life. That is a pretty powerful reason not to want contact or relationships.

[Anonymous]

If he has a store, I think it’s fine to walk in and ask if John is there and then introduce yourself. Totally fine. Make it clear you want to know him as family and you don’t know what the rift was between him and your mom (even if she gave you a reason it’s better to act like you don’t know because you only know one side) but you’d like to have him in your life if he’s open to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on when she said it, your mom's comment may not just have threatened his job--it may have threatened his life. That is a pretty powerful reason not to want contact or relationships.

x1000 Wow, oh, wow. I don't think young people these days realize what it was like back during the Cold War (if that is when this work incident happened). Even today things are not all rosy in the former states.

OP, I'm sorry your uncle isn't responding. Did you mention in your emails that you are appalled by what happened and that you don't share your mother's outlook? Your uncle may think that you are just like your mother and he may be having a hard time differentiating you from her. He may also believe that now that he is successful (presuming that he is) that you are trying to get in touch so that you can share in his bounty.

I think you need to let it go. He knows you are here and how to reach you if he chooses to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.