Uncle doesn't want to know me

[Anonymous]

You need to give it a rest. He lost his job because of your mother. Sounds like he may have had to leave the country as a result. Presumably you've never met him. There is really no reason for him to have or want a relationship with you. And I am not sure what you want out of it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

Then apologize in written form. Truth is, he may be living a straight life and doesn’t want ANY of this crap coming up again. So I’d just apologize but be cryptic in case others read this. “ Mum told me what she did. She has felt terribly all her life and I want to apologize for her. I want nothing from you other than closure for you and to know that you have family in America-I know it’s a good feeling knowing I have family here as well.” And let him ignore you and leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. [b]I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

Then apologize in written form. Truth is, he may be living a straight life and doesn’t want ANY of this crap coming up again. So I’d just apologize but be cryptic in case others read this. “ Mum told me what she did. She has felt terribly all her life and I want to apologize for her. I want nothing from you other than closure for you and to know that you have family in America-I know it’s a good feeling knowing I have family here as well.” And let him ignore you and leave him alone.

So he immigrated to free country to live straight life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. [b]I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

Then apologize in written form. Truth is, he may be living a straight life and doesn’t want ANY of this crap coming up again. So I’d just apologize but be cryptic in case others read this. “ Mum told me what she did. She has felt terribly all her life and I want to apologize for her. I want nothing from you other than closure for you and to know that you have family in America-I know it’s a good feeling knowing I have family here as well.” And let him ignore you and leave him alone.

So he immigrated to free country to live straight life?

I didn’t mean to insinuate he was “reformed” or that it was a phase. But you simply don’t know what effects her mother’s actions had on him, including staying closeted or reinforcing the need to hide it, America or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. [b]I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

Then apologize in written form. Truth is, he may be living a straight life and doesn’t want ANY of this crap coming up again. So I’d just apologize but be cryptic in case others read this. “ Mum told me what she did. She has felt terribly all her life and I want to apologize for her. I want nothing from you other than closure for you and to know that you have family in America-I know it’s a good feeling knowing I have family here as well.” And let him ignore you and leave him alone.

So he immigrated to free country to live straight life?

I didn’t mean to insinuate he was “reformed” or that it was a phase. But you simply don’t know what effects her mother’s actions had on him, including staying closeted or reinforcing the need to hide it, America or not.

I am OP. He is happily married to another man. I must add that he didn't stop taking to my mom after that incident. My mom visited him in USA in 1995 and everything seemed fine. The kind of stop talking to each other after ( different times no internet).

[Anonymous]

I have an update. His husband called me and my uncle died less then a year ago from cancer. I am extremely sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is the outcome you got, but I think it was really great of his husband to contact you. I'm glad you got closure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

OP, I don't know how old you are. I am almost 45 and also from the old county. Being gay was a criminal offence. There could have been criminal charges against your uncle based on your mother's testimony. he could have ended up in jail. Also, being gay was a huge taboo in the society. There is absolutely zero chance, less than zero, in fact, that anyone would say something like that unintentionally about anybody, much less a sibling, at his place of work. It's complete absolute BS that your mother fed you that she had no bad intentions. Unless she was 5 at the time and saw him with another man or something. She put him in grave danger intentionally. If there was a case pursued against him, he would never be able to work again any job except menial manual labor. This is why he wants nothing to do with her or you. And there is probably more to the story.

[Anonymous]

I ignore all and any attempts of my cousins or other relatives to contact me. There is no bad blood or anything negative in the family. I simply don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an update. His husband called me and my uncle died less then a year ago from cancer. I am extremely sad.

I'm very sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

OP, I don't know how old you are. I am almost 45 and also from the old county. Being gay was a criminal offence. There could have been criminal charges against your uncle based on your mother's testimony. he could have ended up in jail. Also, being gay was a huge taboo in the society. There is absolutely zero chance, less than zero, in fact, that anyone would say something like that unintentionally about anybody, much less a sibling, at his place of work. It's complete absolute BS that your mother fed you that she had no bad intentions. Unless she was 5 at the time and saw him with another man or something. She put him in grave danger intentionally. If there was a case pursued against him, he would never be able to work again any job except menial manual labor. This is why he wants nothing to do with her or you. And there is probably more to the story.

That's horrifying. Aren't gay people still targeted in Russia today? I'm pretty sure I've come across articles to that effect in the last couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

OP, I don't know how old you are. I am almost 45 and also from the old county. Being gay was a criminal offence. There could have been criminal charges against your uncle based on your mother's testimony. he could have ended up in jail. Also, being gay was a huge taboo in the society. There is absolutely zero chance, less than zero, in fact, that anyone would say something like that unintentionally about anybody, much less a sibling, at his place of work. It's complete absolute BS that your mother fed you that she had no bad intentions. Unless she was 5 at the time and saw him with another man or something. She put him in grave danger intentionally. If there was a case pursued against him, he would never be able to work again any job except menial manual labor. This is why he wants nothing to do with her or you. And there is probably more to the story.

That's horrifying. Aren't gay people still targeted in Russia today? I'm pretty sure I've come across articles to that effect in the last couple of years.

No it's not the same as it used to be. Only in parts of Russia like Chechnya.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he does not want more drama in his new life from his dysfunctional family. Your family (mom) not only harmed him but betrayed his and all he stands for in a worse way than a sworn enemy would.

Why do you want to cause more disruption in his life just to assuage your curiosity? You seem to be like a busybody yourself - much like your mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant. Moved to this country 18 years ago, happy, married, have a great job, nice home. My parents still live overseas, mom comes to visit often. Mom has a brother who immigrated to US over 25 years ago, they are not talking. In the beggining of 2000s I tried to find him and found his contacts, sent message that I would like to learn about him. He didn't respond. I thought maybe the reasoning behind It that he thinks I need something.

So last week after many many years I decided to try again. I found his contacts, he has a store online. So I wrote him a message,wrote him about myself, where I live, that I would like to meet maybe. It's pretty much my only blood relative in this country. No response.
Do I just give up now? Why you think he doesn't want any contact.

It has something to do with the reason that your mother and he don't speak. What's that about?

He is gay and mom once said something unintentional at work that made him fired. They lived in USSR and worked together.

Also from the former USSR here, and something like this would've put your uncle in physical danger, not just damaged his career prospects. And remember you're only getting your mom's side of the story here. Maybe it was unintentional, like she says, and maybe she was mad and deliberately outed him. You really don't actually know what happened.

I know that. I don't believe mom could be mad at him and do something to hurt him. The story was that he was high up in the facility they worked together. Mom was called to give a testimony and unintentionally( she doesn't know how to lie) she told them something about him being gay. She was pressured and very very young back then. I would love to apologize for mom as well if I was given a chance.

OP, I don't know how old you are. I am almost 45 and also from the old county. Being gay was a criminal offence. There could have been criminal charges against your uncle based on your mother's testimony. he could have ended up in jail. Also, being gay was a huge taboo in the society. There is absolutely zero chance, less than zero, in fact, that anyone would say something like that unintentionally about anybody, much less a sibling, at his place of work. It's complete absolute BS that your mother fed you that she had no bad intentions. Unless she was 5 at the time and saw him with another man or something. She put him in grave danger intentionally. If there was a case pursued against him, he would never be able to work again any job except menial manual labor. This is why he wants nothing to do with her or you. And there is probably more to the story.

That's horrifying. Aren't gay people still targeted in Russia today? I'm pretty sure I've come across articles to that effect in the last couple of years.

Only if they are poor. The Russian beau monde and demimonde is full of rich flashy gays.