Am I right to be upset by how little my parents visit wife and I?
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Anonymous
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My parents currently live 7 hours away in the medium sized town where I grew up. In the 6 years that I've lived in DC post-college, they've visited me (and later my wife, since we got married) at most twice a year, and the older I get, the more it bothers me. They are comfortably middle class, so money isn't really the issue. Their health is fine. My dad is retired, but does consulting work part-time, remotely, and on a flexible schedule. My mom is a higher up at a small non-profit, but it's a work situation where she doesn't have set hours, and as long as she gets everything done, she's not tied to specific hours. My mom also does alot of volunteer work in the community and for our church. It should also be mentioned that they don't visit my two brothers, who live 4 and 5 hours from them, respectively, in major cities, very often either (probably two times each in the past year or so).
The kicker as of late is that they've really been guilt tripping me about us visiting them, and how they never see us. Wife and I both have busy schedules both in and out of work. I have a pretty limited PTO situation, and wife sometimes works off hours, so it's considerably harder for us to get away to see them than vice versa. Anyways, the older that I'm getting, the more this bothers me. Whenever I ask about my parents visiting, they always hit me with the "oh, we're just crazy busy!" Am I right to be upset about this? |
Anonymous
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It doesn't sound like you have kids. 1-2x a year and no grandkids? That sounds like above average, actually.
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Anonymous
| Twice a year is a lot! That's plenty. No one should be bothered by the frequency of visits by the other. |
Anonymous
| I think you are within your rights to feel this way. The biggest problem I see is that your parents are trying to make you feel bad about visiting while refusing to be mildly inconvenienced to visit you. I think you should just be straight up with them and tell them being this way makes you feel bad. Additionally, maybe you can ask them what amount of time together they think is appropriate and then if you agree offer to split the visits between you. That said perhaps part of the issue is that they have to travel to visit three separate families (you and your brothers) which might make the total visits feel like a lot to them. |
Anonymous
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No kids, no visit.
"Anyway" sounds a lot more refined than "Anyways." I'll bet if you used "anyway" they'd visit you more. |
Anonymous
| If they've visited you and and your two siblings twice a year, that's 6 trips for them. Sounds like a lot to me. |
Anonymous
| You're wrong. So they visit each of three children twice a year. That means every other month they're taking a trip. Old people get tired easier. They get flustered when out of their routine more than younger people. You want them to drop their busy lives to work around you? Their lives are important to them just like your life is important to you. |
Anonymous
this. im surprised op is one of three kids. im guessing op is the oldest. |
Anonymous
| They visit you twice per year and you visit them how many times per year? Go see your parents. |
Anonymous
| 2 x a year should be more than enough. and why should they visit you? Shouldn't you be visiting your elderly parents? |
Anonymous
| My wife and me. Maybe they're upset by your poor grammar. |
Anonymous
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They go visit you twice a year and they are visiting your siblings so that's 6 trips. They have the right to have free time of their own to do their own thing.
If you want to see them more go see them. Being upset and whining about it i a waste of time and energy. |
Anonymous
| It’s all about the grandkids in my opinion. If there aren’t any grandkids yet- then I wouldn’t expect very many visits. |
Anonymous
| I’m 45 and can count on one hand the number of times my mom and stepdad visited me, even when they were 3-4 hrs away. Twice a year is a lot. It’s your turn to visit them, especially if you don’t have kids. |
Anonymous
| No, I don't think you're right to be upset. |