Am I right to be upset by how little my parents visit wife and I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and me. Maybe they're upset by your poor grammar.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

My parents live 10 minute a way and I rarely see them.

[Anonymous]

My parents used to live 4 hours away and we always made the trip to see them.

You really don't seem to have a healthy perspective on this. 3 siblings, 2x a year is a lot of out of town visits for them. It's a good fortune to you all that they're healthy and fully engaged in their social and professional lives in their older age.

[Anonymous]

How many times a year do you visit them?

If they visit you twice a year and you visit them twice a year, then that's every three months - that's not bad for 7 hours away (that's far, by the way).

My parents live a 3 hour plane ride away, in the same town as my siblings, and they visit us once a year and we visit them once a year. It's not a big deal, we FaceTime 2-3 times a week.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm in the same situation except my parents live a 2-hour plane ride away and are constantly hastling me to visit them.

I just turn the conversation around and say 'well you could come see me'. They mumble and fawn and drop the query. Then I visit them when I have time or when I want to, which is about 2x a year now. I don't mind if they drop in the see me in D.C. but you're not getting me to come back on your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents currently live 7 hours away in the medium sized town where I grew up. In the 6 years that I've lived in DC post-college, they've visited me (and later my wife, since we got married) at most twice a year, and the older I get, the more it bothers me. They are comfortably middle class, so money isn't really the issue. Their health is fine. My dad is retired, but does consulting work part-time, remotely, and on a flexible schedule. My mom is a higher up at a small non-profit, but it's a work situation where she doesn't have set hours, and as long as she gets everything done, she's not tied to specific hours. My mom also does alot of volunteer work in the community and for our church. It should also be mentioned that they don't visit my two brothers, who live 4 and 5 hours from them, respectively, in major cities, very often either (probably two times each in the past year or so).

The kicker as of late is that they've really been guilt tripping me about us visiting them, and how they never see us. Wife and I both have busy schedules both in and out of work. I have a pretty limited PTO situation, and wife sometimes works off hours, so it's considerably harder for us to get away to see them than vice versa.

Anyways, the older that I'm getting, the more this bothers me. Whenever I ask about my parents visiting, they always hit me with the "oh, we're just crazy busy!" Am I right to be upset about this?

So, you don't go to visit them, but they come to see you twice a year? And they also see your brothers twice a year? So, they are travelling six times a year to see their kids, and you guys are travelling to see them...how often?

I think you are unreasonable. They have their own lives: work, friends, church, volunteer work. They have other obligations. They ARE busy. It is not unreasonable for them not to want to travel every month.

[Anonymous]

If they visit you twice a year and you visit them twice a year, that seems completely reasonable. I don't think you should expect them to come more than twice a year if that is what they are comfortable with in terms of time away from their lives.

Just so you know, this issue is going to get worse if you ever have kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids, no visit.

"Anyway" sounds a lot more refined than "Anyways." I'll bet if you used "anyway" they'd visit you more.

+1 when I hear "anyways' it's like chalk on a blackboard.

[Anonymous]

If you visit them less than they visit you, you have to explain that you are actually busier than they are, and cannot do so as often.

The number of visits is actually completely fine.

[Anonymous]

They sound like busy people and 7 hours is a long way. If they visit you twice a year and you visit them twice a year that's pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

I'm annoyed by this too. My MIL took on a low wage service job "for fun" and now works every single weekend. She complains nonstop about her lack of annual leave and expects us to travel to her. She wants us to travel on week days. I think it's insane because we have zero annual leave either (due to maternity leaves) and my SIL just got her first job and has no leave saved yet.

During maternity leave she expected us to travel to them. it's annoying because I really, really enjoy my weekends and that's when i unwind and friends were able to visit the baby and I. Sleeping on a blow up mattress postpartum sucks.

[Anonymous]

Assuming that you moved away from home, and they stayed put, you are under some obligation to return for visits. Agree with others, also, that six visits per year to see the three kids is already plenty of travel for them.

[Anonymous]

Op, my parents visited me twice in 20 years, after I moved away, which is what I expected to read on this thread. So twice a year sounds great!

[Anonymous]

My parents are a 3-hour plane ride away and they've visited 3 times in 10 years. We drive 2 days to see them every summer, then 2 days back again (because we won't put our dog on a plane). Meanwhile, they fly to FL for 2 months every winter, and they travel to Europe every year for another few weeks. Old people are assholes.

[Anonymous]

It could be worse. My ILs refuse to visit because...church.