Why does my sister have a crisis every year on my birthday?

[Anonymous]

I get that as an adult, the world doesn't stop on your birthday. I'm not big on birthdays, but every single year for the past 9-10 years or so, my sister has a crisis. Sometime she waits until 12:05 to send a long, ranting e-mail about her marriage falling apart (for the 9th time) or some other major life complain-y email, but usually it's in the evening sometime, exactly on my birthday. I know to expect it now.

I realize you don't know my family dynamics and at this point I know it's coming, and sympathetically respond the next day. But I seriously don't get it. Every year, the Debbie Downer in her gets unleashed on exactly my birthday. Why?! Is this a middle child thing?!

[Anonymous]

No, this is not a "middle child" thing; stop with that. I'm a middle child, and I send my siblings gifts on their birhdays, and call. Like a normal person.

Don't check your emails or texts on your birthday. It is one day.

This year, instead of "sympathetically responding," don't respond. And if she asks why, tell her, "I was busy enjoying my birthday. I hope you and Steve get to a better place soon (or another very generic platitude)."

[Anonymous]

Yup. Ignore her email. Respond the day after or better yet two days later. Give the reply that 21:07 gave you. Don't engage in her nonsense.

- a middle child.

[Anonymous]

Ha! That is messed up. You should print them out with the date stamp and then share them with her.

[Anonymous]

Can you tolerate her maybe throw he off her game and inviter her out for dinner on your bday or something. Happy early birthday!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, my sister used to act like a jerk on my birthday in her case she resented my birth, she's grown up some since having children.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably say something like "wow, crazy how your life always falls apart exactly on my birthday! Anyway, I'm gonna celebrate, I'll catch up with you later".

[Anonymous]

My sister had crises at my engagement party, wedding shower, and day before my wedding. Drama. She's matured somewhat since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably say something like "wow, crazy how your life always falls apart exactly on my birthday! Anyway, I'm gonna celebrate, I'll catch up with you later".

I would be even more direct than that, because I hate that kind of attention-seeking behavior.

[Anonymous]

My sister does this, also every Christmas. She is bipolar and has a personality disorder.
I have cut off contact.

[Anonymous]

Don’t respond at all.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Do you have my sister?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

I take back my sympathy for you. You are annoying and I am certain you play a part in the issues with your sister, but are too stubborn and set in your "beliefs" to see it.

And you do absolutely care about your birthday and how it's celebrated so you can stop your gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

I take back my sympathy for you. You are annoying and I am certain you play a part in the issues with your sister, but are too stubborn and set in your "beliefs" to see it.

And you do absolutely care about your birthday and how it's celebrated so you can stop your gaslighting.

NP. What a bizarre response. I don’t think it’s controversial that birth order does have some impact on personality.

[Anonymous]

1. It is only your birthday, and you are a grown up. You shouldn't expect anything from anyone who doesn't live with you.

2. Clearly your sister is in crisis, or just loves drama. It isn't about you or your birthday.

Grow up and don't worry about it.

And why digs at middle kids? Perhaps growing up in a home with a sister assuming she would screw up has contributed to why she falls short in your eyes.