Why does my sister have a crisis every year on my birthday?

[Anonymous]

Ignore her, op. Just don’t even open the email until 2 days later b

[Anonymous]

I have some experience with this. Ignoring will work only until she figures out you're ignoring her. She will come up with another tactic eventually. The point with her is to spoil your birthday fun. And your Christmas fun. And any other opportunity you have to celebrate. Maybe that's where the expression "killjoy" comes from. Your sister is very unhappy. She is trying to spoil the joy you find in life. She's probably doing this to anyone she thinks she can do this to, not just you.

[Anonymous]

Make it a game. Try to guess what this year's drama will be. When you guess right, you'll feel like you won! And you might even find yourself disappointed if she doesn't spill something.

[Anonymous]

Clearly the pissy middle children are out today. Birth order stuff is very real. OF course there are people that defy the norm and all those special snowflakes must be on DCUM.

OP, your sister is being a jerk. I would tell her and then cease contact for a little while. You may even need the evidence (aka print every email with the date stamp) to really make your point clear. Tell her that you love her and want to be a supportive sister, but her insistence on ruining your birthday makes you question her intentions. No, your birthday is not a national holiday, but it is clearly not coincidental that this happens ONLY on your birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister had crises at my engagement party, wedding shower, and day before my wedding. Drama. She's matured somewhat since.

My SIL did this too. She called off her wedding 2 days before my wedding, announced she was getting engaged the day my son was born (but the wedding never happened), recently my other SIL had a baby and of course when it was born she announced again that she was getting engaged (still no ring though), etc. EVERY time there is a big family event she tries to redirect the attention to herself.

Now it's just laughable because everyone can see the pattern. She's a narcissist in so many other ways it's too hard to list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

Stop it with the middle child thing. Really. Yes, there "has" to be something in your sister--like she's a nutbag, or a narcissist, or was spoiled and coddled by your parents. Your sister is a lunatic, and you sound like a jerk, actually.

[Anonymous]

Are you married, OP?

[Anonymous]

Are you older or younger OP? You sound like the younger child.

And yes, just ignore your sister on your b'day. Point out the consistency some other time when you feel ready/prepared for a direct conversation.

[Anonymous]

Her marriage falls apart every year on your birthday (perhaps he married the wrong sister).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably say something like "wow, crazy how your life always falls apart exactly on my birthday! Anyway, I'm gonna celebrate, I'll catch up with you later".

I would be even more direct than that, because I hate that kind of attention-seeking behavior.

+1
I do too.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably venting to different people all the time. She vents to you, on your birthday, because you are on her mind then, and she’s already thinking about you.

Be amused and flattered, but the previous posters are correct, don’t engage on your birthday, if at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

I take back my sympathy for you. You are annoying and I am certain you play a part in the issues with your sister, but are too stubborn and set in your "beliefs" to see it.

And you do absolutely care about your birthday and how it's celebrated so you can stop your gaslighting.

NP. What a bizarre response. I don’t think it’s controversial that birth order does have some impact on personality.

Being middle child doesn't make you act the way OP's sister does OP can't seem to get that through her head. I have no doubt she's a know it all a royal witch to her sister too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to disparage middle children, but there are some truths to stereotypical birth order. Not always, but often. There *has* to be something in my sister that's seeking attention in doing this. I don't think it's intentional, but it's also coincidentally like clockwork!

And she does send a bday call/text, card, gift, which is lovely and unnecessary. But the unloading of her life crises every year is predictable. I don't even know if she realizes it.

I take back my sympathy for you. You are annoying and I am certain you play a part in the issues with your sister, but are too stubborn and set in your "beliefs" to see it.

And you do absolutely care about your birthday and how it's celebrated so you can stop your gaslighting.

NP. What a bizarre response. I don’t think it’s controversial that birth order does have some impact on personality.

Being middle child doesn't make you act the way OP's sister does OP can't seem to get that through her head. I have no doubt she's a know it all a royal witch to her sister too

Damn Jan, projection much?

[Anonymous]

Does she not have drama on other days of the year? Seems like she's probably a person who is never happy and just happens to reach out to you on your birthday.

FWIW, a close relative passed away on my birthday about five years ago, and my birthday hasn't been celebrated since. I get that it sucks when something tries to draw attention away, but life doesn't stop for birthdays.

[Anonymous]

She likes the drama. She knows when your birthday is and is trying to make the day about herself instead of about you.

One way to make her aware is around 6pm on your birthday, set up a vacation message on your email that says

"Hi there. Just letting you know that I'll be away from my email all day Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I won't see your email until Sunday. Have a wonderful day!"

You can take it down when you get up in the morning. But just make sure to have it up before she sends her note so that she is sure to get the auto-response and that it highlights that you are trying to enjoy your birthday. That means that she can't "forget" that she did this on your birthday. After a couple years of this, she'll have ample evidence that she rains on your birthday parade every year. If that's her intent, you can't stop her. But if she is doing this subconsciously or trying to avoid thinking about what she's doing, this will call attention to that fact for her so that she can't avoid thinking about what she's doing to you.