Not seeing grandson is making FIL sick

[Anonymous]

My FIL is sick with a fever and not feeling well. Apparently my MIL told my husband that FIL cries every day because he misses his grandson and is now sick because he misses his grandson so much. My husband is so worried about his parents and feels guilty for not FaceTiming with his parents multiple times a week(now they FaceTime maybe twice a week, but my husband talks to them much more often). This seems so crazy to me. I think in laws are just trying to manipulate and guilt us into visiting them more often. They want us to visit twice a year and we were only planning on going once a year. My son is 5 months old. They have other grandchildren who are older, so this isn’t the only grandkid. Anyone else with in laws like this? What would you do? My parents love my son, but aren’t so needy and crazy. My in laws are Asian if it makes a difference. In laws and I dislike each other, so visiting them is definitely not enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Does he feel this way about his other grandkids?

Is this via your MIL only or have you spoken to the FIL? Does your DH speak to them frequently?

[Anonymous]

Ha. That's so manipulative it's insane.

[Anonymous]

How far away do they live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is sick with a fever and not feeling well. Apparently my MIL told my husband that FIL cries every day because he misses his grandson and is now sick because he misses his grandson so much. My husband is so worried about his parents and feels guilty for not FaceTiming with his parents multiple times a week(now they FaceTime maybe twice a week, but my husband talks to them much more often). This seems so crazy to me. I think in laws are just trying to manipulate and guilt us into visiting them more often. They want us to visit twice a year and we were only planning on going once a year. My son is 5 months old. They have other grandchildren who are older, so this isn’t the only grandkid. Anyone else with in laws like this? What would you do? My parents love my son, but aren’t so needy and crazy. My in laws are Asian if it makes a difference. In laws and I dislike each other, so visiting them is definitely not enjoyable.

Your FIL is not sick because he misses your son. That is not how illness works, full stop.

Do not engage with them. If any of you feel the need to respond, say, "I'm sorry he's not feeling well! We are looking forward to our weekly FaceTime date and are very excited to see you in June."

[Anonymous]

No, "not seeing grandson" is NOT "making FIL sick" so I would do nothing.

[Anonymous]

3 times a year is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

What you do is keep your distance a bit and be a support to your DH, while remaining as gentle as possible.

When DH reports this you say "Honey, you know that's not true right? Your dad is not sick because he isn't face timing with Junior every day."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is sick with a fever and not feeling well. Apparently my MIL told my husband that FIL cries every day because he misses his grandson and is now sick because he misses his grandson so much. My husband is so worried about his parents and feels guilty for not FaceTiming with his parents multiple times a week(now they FaceTime maybe twice a week, but my husband talks to them much more often). This seems so crazy to me. I think in laws are just trying to manipulate and guilt us into visiting them more often. They want us to visit twice a year and we were only planning on going once a year. My son is 5 months old. They have other grandchildren who are older, so this isn’t the only grandkid. Anyone else with in laws like this? What would you do? My parents love my son, but aren’t so needy and crazy. My in laws are Asian if it makes a difference. In laws and I dislike each other, so visiting them is definitely not enjoyable.

Your FIL is not sick because he misses your son. That is not how illness works, full stop.

Do not engage with them. If any of you feel the need to respond, say, "I'm sorry he's not feeling well! We are looking forward to our weekly FaceTime date and are very excited to see you in June."

Unless it's a mental illness and FIL should see a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Nice try grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 times a year is reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he feel this way about his other grandkids?

Is this via your MIL only or have you spoken to the FIL? Does your DH speak to them frequently?

I don’t think they want daily FaceTime sessions with the other grandkids(middle & high schoolers).

DH speaks to both his parents, although to MIL more often. I don’t speak to either unless I have to. I think my MIL is crazy,but don’t want my hatred of her to cloud my judgement.

To other posters, yes, I know missing a grandkid won’t make you sick. It’s a ridiculous notion. The problem is that my husband doesn’t understand this!!

[Anonymous]

If this were true there would be a lot more sick elderly folks out there.

[Anonymous]

They sound deranged. This would make me significantly less likely to want to expose my child to them.

[Anonymous]

It would be nice if in laws would just disappear to another (hospitable) planet. Who the f wants to be around these people.