Mom Feeds Child Junk Food.

[Anonymous]

Toddler is 18 months old. My MIL is his main caregiver, but recently my mom has wanted to care for him 1- 2 days a week. We have differences but I agreed to it in order to let them bind and give MIL a break. For the last two weeks, the food I have prepared for him has not been eaten. I asked my mom about it and she said he wanted fast food or a treat. She has been taking him to places like McDonalds and bringing him snacks like twinkies from her home. She even has let him drink some Pepsi. DH and I are upset about this. We eat healthy and try to limit junk food. We do have treats 1-2 times a week that includes family going out for ice cream or some home baked goods, but this to us is excessive. We don’t feel an 18 month old needs any of this junk. My mom said she fed me that and I am fine. I am “ ruining” his childhood by not allowing those foods. We view it as when he is older ( teenager), he can eat what he wants, but as a child, we decide what to feed him. Am I being too overbearing?

[Anonymous]

Your allegiance is now to your toddler, not your mother. Your mother should not be feeding him this junk food for many reasons, but chief among them is that it goes against your parenting wishes. Her explanation is basically that she doesn't agree with your parenting, and her way is fine. Sorry, mom, you just lost your right to look after your grandson.

[Anonymous]

Are you paying her to watch your child? If she is essentially your employee, then you have every right to say what she can and can't do during that time.

If you don't pay her, then she is doing you a HUGE favor by providing you with childcare 2 days a week! Don't accept the favor, pay someone else to do it.

Very easy.

[Anonymous]

Nope. This would not fly with me. Luckily mom's on board with healthy eating. (My dad, OTOH...)

If it were me, I'd reconsider this arrangement, since it will be tough to reorient/teach your mom the value of healthy eating choices at this stage in her life. I'd limit to 1 day a week at most, and insist she feed the child the foods you've prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your allegiance is now to your toddler, not your mother. Your mother should not be feeding him this junk food for many reasons, but chief among them is that it goes against your parenting wishes. Her explanation is basically that she doesn't agree with your parenting, and her way is fine. Sorry, mom, you just lost your right to look after your grandson.

+1. I'm generally of the opinion that when you're getting free childcare from family, you get what you pay for and are much likely to have to just take it or leave it when it comes to their decisions (within reason, obviously).

However, in this case, she is the one that was pushing for the time with your son, she's not doing you a favor, this is for her. So she needs to respect your parenting decisions and stop with the junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your allegiance is now to your toddler, not your mother. Your mother should not be feeding him this junk food for many reasons, but chief among them is that it goes against your parenting wishes. Her explanation is basically that she doesn't agree with your parenting, and her way is fine. Sorry, mom, you just lost your right to look after your grandson.

+1. I'm generally of the opinion that when you're getting free childcare from family, you get what you pay for and are much likely to have to just take it or leave it when it comes to their decisions (within reason, obviously).

However, in this case, she is the one that was pushing for the time with your son, she's not doing you a favor, this is for her. So she needs to respect your parenting decisions and stop with the junk food.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your allegiance is now to your toddler, not your mother. Your mother should not be feeding him this junk food for many reasons, but chief among them is that it goes against your parenting wishes. Her explanation is basically that she doesn't agree with your parenting, and her way is fine. Sorry, mom, you just lost your right to look after your grandson.

+1. I'm generally of the opinion that when you're getting free childcare from family, you get what you pay for and are much likely to have to just take it or leave it when it comes to their decisions (within reason, obviously).

However, in this case, she is the one that was pushing for the time with your son, she's not doing you a favor, this is for her. So she needs to respect your parenting decisions and stop with the junk food.

+1

+2. If she was sneaking him a cookie or ice cream after a healthy meal, I'd say let grandma indulge a little. But hell to the no would I be okay with my toddler eating McDonalds, twinkies, and Pepsi multiple times a week. Your mother is way overstepping and not respecting boundaries, especially with the "ruining his childhood" comment. It's junk food today, and will be discipline, screen time, and whatever else tomorrow. I would probably not let her look after him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her to watch your child? If she is essentially your employee, then you have every right to say what she can and can't do during that time.

If you don't pay her, then she is doing you a HUGE favor by providing you with childcare 2 days a week! Don't accept the favor, pay someone else to do it.

Very easy.

Op here. Yes, we are paying her, and she we pay MIL even though she rarely accepts payment. We often provide MIL with a spa day or a nice dinner when she refuses to take the pay or just uses it on DS. MIL is more understanding and agrees with our form of parenting. We are thinking of hiring a sitter ( DS will go into daycare in 2 months). We had to end this babysitting before when my mom thought it was okay to let him watch hours of tv at only 2 months old.

[Anonymous]

Let her know it's non-negotiable and she follows your rules or you'll find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her to watch your child? If she is essentially your employee, then you have every right to say what she can and can't do during that time.

If you don't pay her, then she is doing you a HUGE favor by providing you with childcare 2 days a week! Don't accept the favor, pay someone else to do it.

Very easy.

Op here. Yes, we are paying her, and she we pay MIL even though she rarely accepts payment. We often provide MIL with a spa day or a nice dinner when she refuses to take the pay or just uses it on DS. MIL is more understanding and agrees with our form of parenting. We are thinking of hiring a sitter ( DS will go into daycare in 2 months). We had to end this babysitting before when my mom thought it was okay to let him watch hours of tv at only 2 months old.

This is a pattern of behavior? Easy case, she can spend time with DS when you are there. She can take him to the playground and/or watch him for an hour or two, but not for long periods where she has the chance to exercise her judgment.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my diet and I grew up to be slim, perfectly healthy (just had complete blood work done!) and a Division 1 athlete. I’m actually getting McNuggets for lunch. Live a little.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs above that she needs to have the reigns pulled in. Restrict time, restate parenting choices and how they need to be respected, and don’t discuss it further. Try again with small opportunities after grandma realizes relationship with baby is bigger than her desire to completely avoid your wishes, and when your mom is willing to actually respect your and DHs parenting choices. Do this now or the problem will grow from McDonalds at 18mo to (fill in the blank) at 18 years. Nip this early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like my diet and I grew up to be slim, perfectly healthy (just had complete blood work done!) and a Division 1 athlete. I’m actually getting McNuggets for lunch. Live a little.

I love you common sense. I really do.

Just want to add, Grandma does what Grandma wants. We have no rules. Don't like it, find another crunchy to sit for you. Kids need pampering. You all sound like mean mothers denying your kids of life's greatest moments.

[Anonymous]

Okay I am not an anti junk food person. The McDonalds as a treat does not really bother me.

Bu5 twinkies and pepsi for a toddler? Nope. Nope. Nope.

You have to draw the line somewhere and it is way before twinkies.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being overbearing. If I were in your shoes I would "fire" your mother and not give her opportunities to feed him at all anymore. My oldest daughter is 12 and she literally is allowed soda once a year, at her birthday party.