Just celebrated 30 years of marriage: What is your marriage success story?

[Anonymous]

I didn't think of it in these terms, but I had a couple of people mention that we "make it look easy." And actually, while some years/months have been very tough, overall, it's gone quickly and we have had a lot of fun. We have had some serious strikes against us: infertility, disabled child, job layoffs, financial issues, but they didn't drive us apart. They made us more of a team. We both have a fair amount of anger over different circumstances but the anger is directed at others (special ed adminstration, bosses, for example), not each other.

Friends were asking: What's your secret? And with a milestone like 30 years, I'm still ruminating on that.

So that brings me to ask you: What is your marriage success story, and what do you attribute it to?

[Anonymous]

My husband travels a lot. I don’t mean to be flip, but 30 Years was a big deal for us. I felt like he cut and ran when the going got tough. I not only had no respect for him, I wanted to leave him. I have forgiven him for not being there. The kids have not.
Good for you OP. You sound perfect.

[Anonymous]

Only 20 yrs for us but being lucky enough to grow in the same direction and have good health helps. The older I get the more I attribute to luck.

Other than that, maintaining a sense of humour, communication being good/easy and staying philosophically aligned are the key things for us. DH calls it 'liking each other'. Just a genuine enjoyment of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband travels a lot. I don’t mean to be flip, but 30 Years was a big deal for us. I felt like he cut and ran when the going got tough. I not only had no respect for him, I wanted to leave him. I have forgiven him for not being there. The kids have not.
Good for you OP. You sound perfect.

OP here. Not understanding your message. Did you mean 30 years was not a big deal for you? Are you guys still together?

And we're aren't perfect by any stretch. But a good fit for each other (at least so far!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only 20 yrs for us but being lucky enough to grow in the same direction and have good health helps. The older I get the more I attribute to luck.

Other than that, maintaining a sense of humour, communication being good/easy and staying philosophically aligned are the key things for us. DH calls it 'liking each other'. Just a genuine enjoyment of each other.

25 years here. This sums up why our relationship is a success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband travels a lot. I don’t mean to be flip, but 30 Years was a big deal for us. I felt like he cut and ran when the going got tough. I not only had no respect for him, I wanted to leave him. I have forgiven him for not being there. The kids have not.
Good for you OP. You sound perfect.

Damn PP. Your post is dripping with anger and resentment. Sure you have every right to direct it at your ex. But OP did nothing to warrant the catty “You sound perfect” comment.

[Anonymous]

We are nearing 40 years and we are still crazy about each other. My DH has always respected my independence and choices and I've always been very supportive of his very entrepreneurial and successful career. We rarely argue and never sweat the small stuff and stay calm when discussing the big stuff. Neither of us has the need "to win" in terms of our personal life. Money has never been an issue as we both worked hard and saved a lot. Our kids have been blessed wth good health, intelligence and ambition and they are our greatest accomplishment. We are now mostly retired and we really love our time together but we still do our own things. We know we are extremely blessed and lucky but we have worked real hard to create some of that luck. Finally, we still have a healthy love life which is really nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are nearing 40 years and we are still crazy about each other. My DH has always respected my independence and choices and I've always been very supportive of his very entrepreneurial and successful career. We rarely argue and never sweat the small stuff and stay calm when discussing the big stuff. Neither of us has the need "to win" in terms of our personal life. Money has never been an issue as we both worked hard and saved a lot. Our kids have been blessed wth good health, intelligence and ambition and they are our greatest accomplishment. We are now mostly retired and we really love our time together but we still do our own things. We know we are extremely blessed and lucky but we have worked real hard to create some of that luck. Finally, we still have a healthy love life which is really nice.

Wow - it is so nice to read something like this. It gives the rest of us hope!

[Anonymous]

40 years together

best friends

partners forever

laughter, LOTS of laughter

being completely open about everything

he cooks and cleans and helps me when I need it

[Anonymous]

I get laughed at a lot on this board when I say that people should marry for true love and emphasize the marriage and partnership first—people actually suggest the whole purpose of getting married is procreation—but the success stories here seem to prove to me that I’m not crazy. A true love for each other, respect, and just enjoying being together makes love last. Thanks for the inspiring stories.

[Anonymous]

20 years for us. We may be a success story in the future.

Married, yes for love, but similar backgrounds, and yes because it was time, and yes for procreation. Because, the urge to procreate is one most women cannot escape in our mid-twenties and early-thirties. At least I couldn't. It is similar to men's urge to f*ck.

And in that respect, we are a success. As an arranged marriage (we aren't, but I kind of view us that way) we are a success. We get along. We are respectful. We are together as parents. For those people who say love is a verb, not a feeling, well, we are a brilliant shining star looking like a huge success.

Act like you love him. It might get you there in the end!

[Anonymous]

Married 30+ years. When DH has a preference for something which I wouldn't choose - - - more and more, I'm asking myself ... is it reasonable? Is it a reasonable-enough request that someone, somewhere would make the decision he wants to make. Example: DH wanted to go to a hotel to ride out the wind storm. We are here now. I didn't see the point. We aren't in a particularly nice hotel, meaning it's not a treat. True at home we have no electricity, internet, tv It's wasn't that cold in our house. I don't think 60degrees is a hardship. I didn't see the point but I also didn't need to "win" this one. Would someone, somewhere make the same decision as DH? Yes. It's not like it's such an outliner decision.

[Anonymous]

Hm. Thought I had responded earlier but can't find it.

This summer, my parents will celebrate their 61st anniversary. They are still great friends and love each other dearly. My mother taught me that you need to like you partner and share some interests with them. Over the seasons of your marriage, the love will wax and wane. If you like each other and like to spend time with each other, that will sustain you through the ebbs of your love and when the love returns, you will be the stronger for it. A month after their 61st anniversary, my wife and I will celebrate our 16th anniversary. I have tried to follow her advice and we have a loving marriage that is as strong or stronger now than when we married. I hope that my marriage will remain as strong as theirs over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 years for us. We may be a success story in the future.

Married, yes for love, but similar backgrounds, and yes because it was time, and yes for procreation. Because, the urge to procreate is one most women cannot escape in our mid-twenties and early-thirties. At least I couldn't. It is similar to men's urge to f*ck.

And in that respect, we are a success. As an arranged marriage (we aren't, but I kind of view us that way) we are a success. We get along. We are respectful. We are together as parents. For those people who say love is a verb, not a feeling, well, we are a brilliant shining star looking like a huge success.

Act like you love him. It might get you there in the end!

This doesn’t sound like a success story. Sounds like you two got married for pragmatic reasons and you’re learning to like it.

[Anonymous]

Only had one child. That’s the real secret.