Just celebrated 30 years of marriage: What is your marriage success story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years for us. We may be a success story in the future.

Married, yes for love, but similar backgrounds, and yes because it was time, and yes for procreation. Because, the urge to procreate is one most women cannot escape in our mid-twenties and early-thirties. At least I couldn't. It is similar to men's urge to f*ck.

And in that respect, we are a success. As an arranged marriage (we aren't, but I kind of view us that way) we are a success. We get along. We are respectful. We are together as parents. For those people who say love is a verb, not a feeling, well, we are a brilliant shining star looking like a huge success.

Act like you love him. It might get you there in the end!

This doesn’t sound like a success story. Sounds like you two got married for pragmatic reasons and you’re learning to like it.

OK. It's a 20 year marriage fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years for us. We may be a success story in the future.

Married, yes for love, but similar backgrounds, and yes because it was time, and yes for procreation. Because, the urge to procreate is one most women cannot escape in our mid-twenties and early-thirties. At least I couldn't. It is similar to men's urge to f*ck.

And in that respect, we are a success. As an arranged marriage (we aren't, but I kind of view us that way) we are a success. We get along. We are respectful. We are together as parents. For those people who say love is a verb, not a feeling, well, we are a brilliant shining star looking like a huge success.

Act like you love him. It might get you there in the end!

This doesn’t sound like a success story. Sounds like you two got married for pragmatic reasons and you’re learning to like it.

OK. It's a 20 year marriage fail.

Relationships that start out like this are fundamentally different than some of the other, and much longer term, relationships described in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years for us. We may be a success story in the future.

Married, yes for love, but similar backgrounds, and yes because it was time, and yes for procreation. Because, the urge to procreate is one most women cannot escape in our mid-twenties and early-thirties. At least I couldn't. It is similar to men's urge to f*ck.

And in that respect, we are a success. As an arranged marriage (we aren't, but I kind of view us that way) we are a success. We get along. We are respectful. We are together as parents. For those people who say love is a verb, not a feeling, well, we are a brilliant shining star looking like a huge success.

Act like you love him. It might get you there in the end!

This doesn’t sound like a success story. Sounds like you two got married for pragmatic reasons and you’re learning to like it.

The why they got married doesn't matter. How they did/are doing does. I overheard the parents of the bride and groom at our friends wedding chatting about 'I hope our kids make it.... you never know....' One set had married for love. The other set married because their first marriages failed and they had kids to raise, and they liked each other enough, had things in common and it was easier to wrangle the kids. That has grown into a deep love. Neither is more valid than the other.

[Anonymous]

Married for 21 years but don't even like him anymore. Bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for 21 years but don't even like him anymore. Bummer.

Have you considered leaving?

[Anonymous]

NP, married 20 years this September. There is that saying, "Choose Wisely, Treat Kindly" and that's a big part of it.

I think the other thing is just to remember to still have fun so you still *like* each other. If you're always talking about scheduling the kids or how to improve the marriage etc, sure that's important but that isn't the glue. The glue is just being silly together.

And as I mentioned in another post, when a problem arises, run toward each other, not away from each other. Handling problems together makes you feel closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband travels a lot. I don’t mean to be flip, but 30 Years was a big deal for us. I felt like he cut and ran when the going got tough. I not only had no respect for him, I wanted to leave him. I have forgiven him for not being there. The kids have not.
Good for you OP. You sound perfect.

but OP never says how. what was different about your relationship that it lasted?

i expected that hard times would drive us together but it drove us apart. the worst experiences brought out the worst in us. and DW ended up addicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are nearing 40 years and we are still crazy about each other. My DH has always respected my independence and choices and I've always been very supportive of his very entrepreneurial and successful career. We rarely argue and never sweat the small stuff and stay calm when discussing the big stuff. Neither of us has the need "to win" in terms of our personal life. Money has never been an issue as we both worked hard and saved a lot. Our kids have been blessed wth good health, intelligence and ambition and they are our greatest accomplishment. We are now mostly retired and we really love our time together but we still do our own things. We know we are extremely blessed and lucky but we have worked real hard to create some of that luck. Finally, we still have a healthy love life which is really nice.

k

Congratulations, and may the next 40 be equally blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are nearing 40 years and we are still crazy about each other. My DH has always respected my independence and choices and I've always been very supportive of his very entrepreneurial and successful career. We rarely argue and never sweat the small stuff and stay calm when discussing the big stuff. Neither of us has the need "to win" in terms of our personal life. Money has never been an issue as we both worked hard and saved a lot. Our kids have been blessed wth good health, intelligence and ambition and they are our greatest accomplishment. We are now mostly retired and we really love our time together but we still do our own things. We know we are extremely blessed and lucky but we have worked real hard to create some of that luck. Finally, we still have a healthy love life which is really nice.

k

Congratulations, and may the next 40 be equally blessed.

They have money, health, and sex. Their marriage could last 100 years.

[Anonymous]

Only 7 years in and one kid here, but liking, loving, and respecting each other have been the constants. It helps that he's very patient, and I'm very flexible, and that we share lots of interests.

[Anonymous]

Been together 25 years (living together for nearly 25, married for 20).

I think certain people crave monogamy while others crave independence. Two people who crave and value monogamy are simply better equipped for a long and happy marriage. They enjoy intimacy with their partner. They function like a team. They cling to eachother when times are hard.

[Anonymous]

My marriage success story? I made it 5 years in my 3rd marriage before I got bored, found an AP and left DH. 5 years is a record for me in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage success story? I made it 5 years in my 3rd marriage before I got bored, found an AP and left DH. 5 years is a record for me in a marriage.

I hope you are not proud of that

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are almost to our 8 yr anniversary, but we have found something that both of us had given up on. I already had kids, he didn't want any of his own, so he has helped raise mine like they're his, and the love and respect I see between him and the kids is a wonderful thing. We laugh all the time, we talk all the time, and we truly enjoy each other. We're both older, he's almost 51 and retired from law enforcement, and I'm almost 46. He's driving a school bus because he always wanted to work with kids, but he also enjoys being able to come home during the day and spend time with me. We've been through deaths, financial hardships, serious health issues (for me and for two of my children), but they have brought us closer together, and our love grows stronger every day. I can see 30 years together. I can see longer if my health lasts. True love does exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are almost to our 8 yr anniversary, but we have found something that both of us had given up on. I already had kids, he didn't want any of his own, so he has helped raise mine like they're his, and the love and respect I see between him and the kids is a wonderful thing. We laugh all the time, we talk all the time, and we truly enjoy each other. We're both older, he's almost 51 and retired from law enforcement, and I'm almost 46. He's driving a school bus because he always wanted to work with kids, but he also enjoys being able to come home during the day and spend time with me. We've been through deaths, financial hardships, serious health issues (for me and for two of my children), but they have brought us closer together, and our love grows stronger every day. I can see 30 years together. I can see longer if my health lasts. True love does exist.

This is a wonderful story, thanks for sharing, PP.