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Unemployed Hubby
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Anonymous
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Hi there, i need some advice.. my hubby is unemployed - laid off over the summer and still looking for work. he is helping around the house and doing what he can to find work, even working part time.
My parents are helping out but I know that means we are taking from their retierment. I am working full time and the baby is still in daycare so she doesn't loose the slot if and when he gets back to work I am begining to feel really depressed. Tearful, sluggish and a little resentful. This is not what I signed up for. I have guilt for feeling this way and I know that it's not fair for me to be angry with him but I just can't help it. I alwasy wanted to be a SAHM but it's just not in the cards right now or anytime soon... I just need some encouragement or some validation or something.... venting |
Anonymous
| Sorry to hear, OP. There are probably many families out there in your shoes and I can't say much but your feelings are perfectly normal and that eventually this shall pass. Do what you have to do to survive and get through this period -- things WILL get better. |
Anonymous
| imagine how he feels. |
khawthorne
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| What line of work is hubby in? |
Anonymous
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What do you mean, "This is not what I signed up for?"
Did you mean to sign the marriage card that guaranteed that life would be perfect and rosy, all the time? I meant to sign that one too, but in the flurry of the day, must have signed the wrong one. The one I signed says something about for better or worse... I need to go read it again. Funny how real life has a way of intruding on our plans.... |
Anonymous
Wow, PP, someone's having a grumpy day. OP - hugs to you. We are ALL allowed to have pity parties once in a while because we are ALL human. It does help to vent, and I understand why you came here, to an anonymous forum, to do so. Do you have employer assistance programs ( or whatever they are called) who can maybe help you find a counselor that you can talk to and work through some of these feelings? |
Anonymous
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My husband was unemployed just before and after DS was born. He finally got a job after 7 months of searching (we even relocated because of the difficulty of finding local jobs) and although we had his unemployment checks to pay the mortgage, it was still a struggle. I must admit I had days where I resented being the sole wage earner during that period, but DS really benefited from having his dad around all day for such a long time after he was born. DS is thriving because of it.
I know it's hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it sounds to me like your DH is at least actively looking for work (I've heard horror stories of women who get stuck when their husbands lose their jobs and then just give up on finding anything). Keep your chin up - it won't be like this forever. |
Anonymous
OP - are you able to collect unemployment? If you're not already, you should look into it. It really helps. |
Anonymous
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I feel for you OP. My DH has been unemployed since January. Been doing the same things as your DH: helping a lot around the house, part-time consulting when he can get it, etc...
Like one of the PPs mentioned "Think how he feels". I know my DH is miserable and upset he hasn't found a job yet. He was able to collect unemployment from being laid off and that helped tremendously. I think because I know how bad he feels (I was laid off myself last year and it was hard to find another job), that I don't resent him quite so much. Although I'm stuck in a job I absolutely hate and can't leave b/c I'm the only one with steady income and benefits, I try to be optimistic and dream of the day DH gets a great job and I can walk into my boss's office and say "I"m out of here!". : ) Hang in there. Maybe seek counseling if you can't get past this. You don't want this to fester and ruin your marriage. |
Anonymous
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OP, I too have felt the anger thing. Like today, when I was confronted with the fact that we cannot afford therapy our DS needs because DH is going to be laid off 9/30/09.
I looked at my DS, who is falling farther behind his peers each month in gross motor skills, and yes, I felt anger that my DH doesn't have something lined up so that we could pay for PT and OT. |
Anonymous
| 20:44 - have you had him evaluated by the state (or District if you are in DC). I think that free therapy is available if he is diagnosed with a delay and from what I know they are good services (I have a friend with a DC that receives free services from Montgomery County). |
Anonymous
OP, you have my sympathies. My DH works, but he may as well be unemployed based on what he brings home. He owns his own business and takes any unexpected expenses out of his own check, including a raise for the so-called "irreplaceable" employee  who always has his hand out "because i have a kid." (AND WE DON'T??!?!?!)
so i'm permanently stuck in a job that i cannot stand because i happen to make decent money at it and if -- heaven forbid!! -- i went to try to do something i actually enjoy, i'd have to take a paycut that we can't absorb. Why? See above.
i definitely feel you, OP. |
Anonymous
Look at it this way, what IF you had become a SAHM, your dream might become a nightmare? How would your family be doing with no income at all? Could your parents pay all your bills? I can't imagine right now how moms and dads feel right now where the sole breadwinner is out of a job. This is precisely why both of us work. There is no bail out for our family, we either sink or swim on our own. |
Anonymous
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I think that often DCUM under-appreciates the responsibility carried by husbands. Posters here are quick to criticize a lack of contribution in the home but also dismissive of the pressure and responsibility that comes with being the sole or primary breadwinner.
This post shows the pressures well by showing what happens when the husband stumbles in that job. Wives feel resentful of a husband's job loss, threatened that they may be forced into the role of sole or primary breadwinner (the husband's job all along in many cases), and hurt that the option of quitting the workforce to stay at home has been taken from them (a right man women treat as implicit within marriage). I think it's worth acknowledging what a burden it is to be responsible for always working, never quitting even when you hate it, never expecting to be able to give it all up when it grows old, needing to pay the bills regardless of what your spouse makes. I am greatly appreciative that I have someone who does this for me. |
Anonymous
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I feel for you. I'm in the same situation. My husband has been unemployed since June, and sometimes I think he will never find another job. He even admits quite frequently that he is just out of ideas on what to do next. He does keep looking though and trying new ideas. I hope soon both of our hubbies will find work.
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