Starter Marriage

[Anonymous]

Has anyone had one and is now happily married the second time around? Or is this a huge turnoff for men? I got married in my mid-20s and am now finalizing my divorce. No kids. I’m so nervous about dating again.

[Anonymous]

OP, I got married at 26, divorced at 30, met my husband at 31, who had also been married at 26 and divorced at 30, and now we have a wonderful life with our two great children (neither of us had children before) and have been together for almost a decade. I was not looking for someone who was also divorced, but I do think it made it easier for both of us to understand because some people just don't understand how you could ever truly be over someone you had been married to (and we both got that, no question!). You will be fine! If a guy has a problem with the fact that you're divorced, cut him loose and find another one. I made it clear I was divorced (because if it was going to be an issue I didn't want it to come up later) and I had tons of dates with great guys before I met my husband. Get out there, enjoy being single for a bit, and I hope you find the perfect guy for you!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry- I know plenty of people who were in your position and are now happily married. You'll find some men out there who are nervous about the same hint and will be happy to find someone to relate to who won't judge them.

[Anonymous]

Married at 24, divorced at 32, remarried at 36. Happily.

[Anonymous]

I'd avoid the term "starter marriage".

[Anonymous]

I didn't marry but I was in an 8 year relationship, lived together, etc. By Canadian law, we were actually in a common law marriage. We split up when i was 30, I met my now husband at 32, had a kid at 36, thinking about another one now at 39. No issues and my life is amazing now. My ex also married and has a kid and is happier. Worked out for everyone. Don't worry.

[Anonymous]

Kind of like a starter house. You might get stuck in it longer than you expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kind of like a starter house. You might get stuck in it longer than you expect.

Ugh. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind of like a starter house. You might get stuck in it longer than you expect.

Ugh. Yes.

Double ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd avoid the term "starter marriage".

Yes. It makes you sound superficial. The people I know who use it in jest are well into their happy, stable second marriages. It may be true, but don't categorize it as such for now op.

[Anonymous]

i know a few people in stable second marriages. I also know a few people in less than stable second marriages. It helps to not have kids in the first marriage. Blending families is tough.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on the dynamic of your first marriage. I married at 29, divorced at 34, started dating my now-husband later the same year when I was 34 and my divorce was officially finalized.

But we didn’t have kids, and I don’t speak to him so there is really no weirdness and no interaction with my ex. It’s as if I was never married. I had no trouble getting dates at all, even when I was only separated.

[Anonymous]

I didn't, but my dad did. Has now been married to my mom, his second wife, for 40 years. He didn't have kids with his first wife and sometimes I forget he had one.

I have several female friends who divorced in their 20s/early 30s, no kids from the first marriage, who are now happily remarried.

[Anonymous]

I know several Gex Xers who had starter marriages, all in their twenties, typically met in college, moved in together and just sort of drifted into marriage as the next "logical step"- my DH had a starter marriage just like this. Lasted 8 years, no kids and we met when he was late 30s. Now happily married. He said that just seems like a lifetime ago and he was so different.

[Anonymous]

I was married at 27, divorced at 31. Then I met my 2nd husband when I was 33, got married at 35 and am very happy at 37. In a weird way, I think it's actually easier to meet someone when you've already been married because you are just more realistic about a partner and clear on what you really want. I have a lot of mid-30s never been married who have very high expectations and completely over-react when the guys they are dating aren't 100% perfect.