15 year old had a tantrum

[Anonymous]

15yr old DD broke a rule we have regarding her phone. She loses the phone for 24hrs. She is having a literal tantrum. It’s as if the world has ended. She is screaming about missing group texts regarding a tv show and something about snap chat that she was going to miss. I have never seen her like this. You would have thought we beat her. I don’t even know how to manage this.

[Anonymous]

I would try ignoring her and allow her time to calm herself down. If she starts arguing with you, just remind her of the rule and you’re not going to discuss it any further. As long as she isn’t breaking things or harming you or herself, give her time to calm down on her own. She not only has to abide by your rules but needs to learn to regulate her emotions.

[Anonymous]

She is likely overtired and sleep deprived, too. It isn't about you. Let her calm down and sleep. Eat well in the morning. Teens have crazy brains.

[Anonymous]

Good for you for having consequences and sticking with it. After a good night's sleep, if she is still having a tantrum, I would let her know that the phone ban will continue another 24 hours if she can't calm down about it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she spends too much time on her phone. When she is calm, remind her that your actions were absolutely fair in that you set a rule and a clear consequence and she is responsible for choosing to break the rule, not you. Then have a conversation with her about what was really underlying this. I'd suspect that she has some insecurities about her status in her group of friends and that this was fueling her actions. Try to get her to identify what was going on. Then i would tell her that you see she is clearly developing an unhealthy dependence on her phone, as evidenced by the fact she can't be without it for a day, and that you will be instituting additional phone free hours until she proves she can better self regulate.

[Anonymous]

On Snapchat, she is likely upset that she will break all her streaks of replying to friends. (I had to roll my eyes when I learned about this from my DC, who at the time had ~20 streaks longer than 6 months with various friends.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is likely overtired and sleep deprived, too. It isn't about you. Let her calm down and sleep. Eat well in the morning. Teens have crazy brains.

+1. Just ignore her and give her time to calm down. She’ll get over it.

[Anonymous]

I just googled snapstreak. Wow.

Adolescence in 2018 is weird.

[Anonymous]

Ignore and don't engage. 15 is too old to have such a tantrum. In fact, if mine did, we would probably all stand around staring at her until she realized how weird she looked and she finally skulked off to her room in embarrassed silence.

[Anonymous]

The teens today are sort of the first group of kids to have been raised with smartphones. It's scary to realize how addicted the kids are, my teen included!

[Anonymous]

Expect more. Our DD is a very good student and pretty much a functioning adult in many ways (job, school, drives, cares for herself) but woo - these teen years have been something. She has tantrums too. She never had them when she was two - nothing to get upset about them I guess- but she has them now.
Just steer clear and give her space. They should subside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is likely overtired and sleep deprived, too. It isn't about you. Let her calm down and sleep. Eat well in the morning. Teens have crazy brains.

Yeah - I don’t think it’s a smart phone issue, I think I’ve got a lot going on I’ve just lost control of myself issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It sounds like she spends too much time on her phone. When she is calm, remind her that your actions were absolutely fair in that you set a rule and a clear consequence and she is responsible for choosing to break the rule, not you. Then have a conversation with her about what was really underlying this. I'd suspect that she has some insecurities about her status in her group of friends and that this was fueling her actions. Try to get her to identify what was going on. Then i would tell her that you see she is clearly developing an unhealthy dependence on her phone, as evidenced by the fact she can't be without it for a day, and that you will be instituting additional phone free hours until she proves she can better self regulate.

All of this interference will just cause her to really want to punch you in the face. Rightly so.
Read all of this again and then imagine that someone is speaking to you this way and treating you this way.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t think we adults understand the level to which these phones have become central to teens’ lives. It’s truly scary and I think your DD’s uncharacteristic outburst is witness to it. Absolutely these streaks and ongoing group chats have taken on far too much importance. They simply cant imagine being out of the proverbial loop for more time than necessary and certainly they tie their social status to the messaging they do.

I think you need to let her calm down, stick to your guns about the rule and consequence, acknowledge that you understand her feelings but remind her that her reaction to being denied her phone shows you how much she uses it and underscores why you have to have rules about its use.

[Anonymous]

Was the offense directly related to the phone? If not, not sure why you would confiscate the phone.