when/how do you make time for sex?

[Anonymous]

Real talk here.

I'm willing, I really am, but at the end of the day I am tiiiired. I have a 3 yo and a 6 yo who go to sleep around 8. After basic household chores and a bit of work (I'm self-employed and work from home), I'm ready to sleep.

Tips? Advice?

[Anonymous]

I often feel the way you do. But sex doesn't have to take long -- it often takes just 15 minutes sometimes. No matter how tired I am, I make sure we have sex every 2-3 days at the least -- even if it feels like an obligation at the beginning, I almost always end up enjoying it, and it's important to the health of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

skip the basic household cores and a bit of work ... do the sex, THEN go back and do the chores and work.

or mornings.

Get your spouse to do more of the household chores while you do your work.

[Anonymous]

Same here. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old. We kind of schedule it in....like yesterday was crazy busy so last night we penciled in tonight. It's nice to be prepared - also makes DH super motivated to clean up, get things done so we have time.

I also agree with PP - it really doesn't take long at all and you'll never regret it!!! We aim for twice a week. Also it's nice to look forward to it on the day of. We don't have a strict schedule but we just see how the week is going and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Seriously - mornings. Get it taken care of before the rest of the world has time to screw it up for you.

At the end of the day, if it's important to you, you'll get it done. If it's not important to you, you'll let everything else push to a lower priority.

What's more important: clean dishes or a healthy marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often feel the way you do. But sex doesn't have to take long -- it often takes just 15 minutes sometimes. No matter how tired I am, I make sure we have sex every 2-3 days at the least -- even if it feels like an obligation at the beginning, I almost always end up enjoying it, and it's important to the health of our relationship.

YOU sound awesome!!

[Anonymous]

You make time for the things that you really enjoy. If sleep is more important (as it often is for parents of little kids), then you will make the time for sleep. I know couples that complain the next day about how tired they are because they had sex the night before. That's their priorities and I like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that complain the next day about how tired they are because they had sex the night before.

They're just bragging. I get "too tired to have sex," but "too tired because you had sex?" That's just showing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that complain the next day about how tired they are because they had sex the night before.

They're just bragging. I get "too tired to have sex," but "too tired because you had sex?" That's just showing off.

No. Showing off is when you can do something that others cannot do. The point is that they'd rather have sex and be tired then next day than go to bed early. You can always catch up on sleep...once a relationship becomes sexless, it's hard to recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often feel the way you do. But sex doesn't have to take long -- it often takes just 15 minutes sometimes. No matter how tired I am, I make sure we have sex every 2-3 days at the least -- even if it feels like an obligation at the beginning, I almost always end up enjoying it, and it's important to the health of our relationship.

I agree. I won’t say we get three times a week but we basically get twice a week with this mentality. Even if I don’t want to I know it’s improved for the relationship. I end up enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

You work from home. Can he telework?

[Anonymous]

When we feel like it, which is quite often. I can sleep when I'm dead. I've always got a few minutes to play. And yes, I have kids. Sex is a priority and always has been for me, because without it I would go insane.

[Anonymous]

Getting the kid ready for bed now, and then obligatory sex. I feel you, OP. I just want to fold the laundry and go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real talk here.

I'm willing, I really am, but at the end of the day I am tiiiired. I have a 3 yo and a 6 yo who go to sleep around 8. After basic household chores and a bit of work (I'm self-employed and work from home), I'm ready to sleep.

Tips? Advice?

If you are doing work at night, then it can usually be completed in the morning. Skip the night work a few times a week or work really hard at night and schedule sex for the morning. It's really not that hard and everyone (who prioritizes) sex gets it done. It just takes 2 willing partners. The only sexless marriages are the ones where 1 or both partners aren't willing.

If you both are truly willing, there's nothing to keep you from having sex on a normal basis (except physical location).

[Anonymous]

Monday and Friday at 10pm are scheduled. Yes, that sounds horribly unromantic. And yes, I'm unbelievably tired, and it feels like just another chore I have to do......until we start doing it.....and then everything is great.

Is this ideal? No. But it is what it is, and we get regular sex.