Advice on using a name that's already "taken"?

[Anonymous]

Hello all! I am expecting a baby girl in January. I have always loved the name Margaret, and it goes nicely with our last name. I would really like to name our daughter Margaret.

The only problem is that the name is already "taken" in our family. My husband's sister has an 8-year-old daughter named Margaret (with a different last name than ours). They live 2,000 miles away, and we them for 2 weeks each year.

My husband likes the name Margaret. But understandably, my husband is worried about how his sister might feel, and he also thinks it would be funny for his parents to have two granddaughters named Margaret, even though they live miles apart and would have different last names.

We had actually wanted to use this name when I was pregnant last year, but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Before the miscarriage, I asked my sister-in-law if she would be OK if I used one of her daughter's names (not specifying which one). At that time, she said "sure" or perhaps she said "OK" or "that's fine." This summer though, when I asked if I could use one of her daughter's names, she said "which one." I didn't pursue it any further, figuring that perhaps she did not like the idea.

I also recall that my sister-in-law once told me that, when naming her daughters, she could not use certain names because her husband's sister had already taken them. And I certainly know many friends who have felt constrained in naming their babies because they did not want to take a name that their sister or brother had already taken.

I don't want to create any tension with my husband's sister. I am very close to her and would not want to encroach on her daughter's name. At the same time, isn't immitation the most sincere form of flattery? I really like the name.

Thanks for any words of wisdom!

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't be pleased. There are so many names out there to pick from - maybe you could use it as a middle name?

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you want to call her Margaret, or would you name her Margaret and call her Maggie or Meg or something? That might make it a little more palatable.

[Anonymous]

Is it a family name aside from your niece? If so, I think that gives you a little more reason to want to use it too.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't use it.

[Anonymous]

If you are very close with her, I might just bring it up with her and see what she says. I would take her thoughts into consideration when choosing the name. Maybe you could use it as a middle name?

[Anonymous]

use it as a middle name?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't use it. It will cause problems between your DH and his sister.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would do it. However, my mom comes from a family of 7 kids and I have the same first name as her older sister's daughter and it never was a problem (my Mom and her older sister were many years apart in age and my cousin is about 20 years older than me, so I'm not sure if that makes a difference or not.)

[Anonymous]

It baffles me that people are so territorial about names. Margaret has so many good ones, I bet they won't both be Margarets in two years. If you love the name, go ahead and use it.

[Anonymous]

I tend to agree that immediate family (which to me includes our siblings and their kids) names shouldn't used unless it's in honor of that person or with their permission. One of the names we're considering for our baby is the name of a colleague's son. To me, that's enough "distance" (i.e. not close family, not a good friend) that the overlap isn't a big deal. But I would never give our child the same name as my brother's baby.

[Anonymous]

You know, I had three people at my wedding with the same name. [Generic first name here] [same last name here]

The only problem was distinguishing gifts for thank yous between the two who married women whose names are alike.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it, unless you are going to call her Maggie or Meg. It puts your SIL into an awkward situation (what is she going to say, no?) and is kind of not cool. I would not like it if my brother's wife used one of our girls' names. I don't know why, but I just wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

My mom's maiden name is Connor, and I always wanted to honor her by naming a baby boy Connor. When I married my husband, he already had a 17yo nephew named Connor. For me, that immediately took the name off my list of potentials. There were lots of other names that I loved that wouldn't be a duplicate of a close family member.

[Anonymous]

It is not only about what your s-i-l thinks, but also how the cousins would feel about having the same name.

My cousin named his child the name we wanted for a girl and he and his wife were totally gracious about it and said that since it was my grandmother's name we should feel free to use it as well.

In the end I thought my daughter and their daughter would appreciate not having to sit around at the Thanksgiving table wondering which one we were addressing.