How do you feel if a male is the assistant to a care provider

[Anonymous]

I signed and left a deposit for my son to start daycare, when I signed up there were 2 ladies taking care of the kids. One of which spoke the language we wanted to be spoken to our child. Now a couple days before his start date, I'm told that the assistant no longer works there and the new assistant is the husband. How would you feel?

[Anonymous]

I'd look for another daycare and I would expect a full refund of all deposits. Call me sexist, but I hardly expect this last minute male substitution to be te type of caregiver I want for my child.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you go and talk with the husband? Get to know him a little first before you decide. I mean, my husband takes great care of my children, don't know about you. Just because it's someone else's husband doesn't mean he shouldn't have a chance.
I do understand you being uncomfortable. I think it would give me pause as well. Just saying give it a chance, maybe take him to coffee or lunch.

[Anonymous]

OP, Unfortunately she wont give us our deposit back, so my child will be there to use up our deposit and we've decided to look for another daycare. It sucks because I really liked the place and the 2 ladies. Now I have to start the search all over again.

[Anonymous]

Did you even talk to the husband? Meet him? Make an assessment of any kind? Or did you just decide to "use up your deposit" and bail out?
How awful for your child to be switching around like that for the sake of using up a deposit.

[Anonymous]

The bigger red flag would be the fact that the new person is a family member of someone. A daycare should be carefully screening and selectively chosing assistants with a thorough background check. Its a bad sign that they are hiring staff family members (if they are a center this shows very poor management) if it is home daycare then this is just as bad. They are either being very unprofessional or just trying to find a warm body to keep the minimum staffing. Drop out.

[Anonymous]

I think this is ridiculous. I can't imagine why a male would be less qualified in any way then a female to care for children. Perhaps the last minutes substitution is making you uneasy, or the fact that the new person doesn't speak the language that you were interested in, or the fact that its a family member. Those things perhaps are reasonable. But the fact that its a male? What is this, 1909?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger red flag would be the fact that the new person is a family member of someone. A daycare should be carefully screening and selectively chosing assistants with a thorough background check. Its a bad sign that they are hiring staff family members (if they are a center this shows very poor management) if it is home daycare then this is just as bad. They are either being very unprofessional or just trying to find a warm body to keep the minimum staffing. Drop out.

This. I would be very uncomfortable and would probably withdraw.

[Anonymous]

OP - I did talk to the husband and he seems like a nice guy but its just something that we hadn't signed up for and dont think its fair that I'm told about this change a day before i drop him off. Our main thing was looking for a center where my child would get the spanish and now we dont have that anymore. And we cant afford to lose out on 600 dollars. So we figure we would try it out these few weeks.

[Anonymous]

If you are willing to "try it out" then that is ridiculous. You either have a big problem with it enough to withdraw or you don't.

[Anonymous]

If you are willing to "try it out" then that is ridiculous. You either have a big problem with it enough to withdraw or you don't.

Oh please. First, $600 is a lot of money to toss away. Second, it sounds like the OP is going to give the daycare a fair shot and not make a knee jerk reaction that men can't be caregivers.

OP, I would certainly have more concerns if you're in a home day care with only two staffers because of the management issues other PPs have brought up. If you're at a center, there's plenty of supervision (and presumably screening). Staff movement happens and you just have to accept it, so long as it's not excessive. And, FWIW, there is one man teaching at my kids' daycare center and he is BELOVED by all the children because he's such a darn good teacher and nice human being. Give the guy a chance.

[Anonymous]

13:40 here. I clearly need a remedial lesson in using the quotes feature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger red flag would be the fact that the new person is a family member of someone. A daycare should be carefully screening and selectively chosing assistants with a thorough background check. Its a bad sign that they are hiring staff family members (if they are a center this shows very poor management) if it is home daycare then this is just as bad. They are either being very unprofessional or just trying to find a warm body to keep the minimum staffing. Drop out.

Following your logic that temporary help or family members shouldn't be hired, the only thing a care provider could do when someone quits unexpectedly is to send kids home until a replacement is hired. If that's what my care provider did, I'd be pissed if that wasn't disclosed up front and if it had been, I wouldn't send my kid there.

I have no problem with a family member being a substitute or a regular provider. I think OPs care provider showed good management skills in having someone available. Our kids are at an in-home family provider and the retired husband, son and daughter-in-law of our provider were all substitute providers. If our provider had an appointment, rather than closing the daycare for the day or half day, one of the substitutes was there along with the two assistants. Substitute/back up providers are required to have the same background checks and continuing education credits regular providers have. Seriously, how many care providers never have staff turnover?

I also find it ridiculous there's such concern about male care providers. Do you think female engineers are more likely to build unsound bridges they're women? Do you suspect male pediatricians of being pedophiles? It would be one thing if you got a bad vibe from the husband. In that case, I would encourage you to follow your gut just as if you got a bad vibe about a female provider. This doesn't seem to be the case and I think you're doing a disservice not only to your careprovider and her husband but also to your kids. Kids need positive role models of both sexes and there are getting to be fewer and fewer positive models for the younger kids. There are extraordinarily few male care providers and not many more male early educators. I'm sorry for that but glad that my kids have the experience they do with their care provider. The kids interact a little differently with men but are just as responsive, especially the kids who don't have a consistent male present in their families.

[Anonymous]

OP if you want your money back call your state. A licenced provider can't just switch staff so easily,and Im more than sure her husband does not meet the requirements(training,certifications) I think its sad you paid for specific services, the person can't accomodate you anymore but refuses to refund your money! You seem like you're getting jerked around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you want your money back call your state. A licenced provider can't just switch staff so easily,and Im more than sure her husband does not meet the requirements(training,certifications) I think its sad you paid for specific services, the person can't accomodate you anymore but refuses to refund your money! You seem like you're getting jerked around.

In Virginia, a state licensed provider can change staff like that and I would be very surprised if it were different in MD or DC. As long as the paperwork for the background check has been filed and training requirements met within one year of starting employment, staff are allowed to work.

OP isn't entitled to a refund because the provider is still willing to provide the services specified in the contract - unless the contract included a language requirement or that there would be no staff turnover. OP's demand for a refund based on the fact that a man will now be providing care is discriminatory and I doubt you would find a judge anywhere willing to support a refund on that basis. Would OP be demanding a refund if the replacement were a woman?