If I ignore me my toddlers tantrums will they stop?

[Anonymous]

My newly 2 year old throws the worst tantrums and it’s gotten out of control. We are talking 30+ min of screaming and thrashing and following me around demanding I do what she says. I’ll admit I’ve given in to a lot of the tantrums because they are severe i just don’t want to deal with it. Well now she has started doing it at school(not as bad) and it’s effecting my older sons life as well. When she gets like that there is no reasoning she just wants her way and screams until she gets it. She is verbal so I don’t think communication is the problem as much as it is stubbornness and me giving in. How do I ignore them? If I walk away she will chase me and scream and pull on my legs. She isnt the type to just scream in the floor. Should I put her in her room until she calms down. Should I try and calm down area? She will stay in timeout but she continues to the throw the fit, so that doesn’t seem to work. Any tips on stoping these extreme tantrums?!

[Anonymous]

Have you read Happiest Toddler on the Block? I found it very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Ignore ignore ignore. Maybe put up a baby gate to a safe area where she can tantrum and cant physically get to you.

[Anonymous]

No way to know. People on here with NT kids will tell you yes—ignore. My son was dx with ASD/ADHD at 4. Tantrums at 2 were epic. Hours long. At 2, no one is dx your kid with anything. So try ignoring and see what happens. You’ll know
If it’s it’s not really working. I eventually gave into the tantrums contrary to DCUM advice because it was just too painful to watch.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely cannot give in. For my sensitive, spitfire 2 y/o, she needs help calming herself down. So I wait for a small break (like a breath if that's all there is), then I offer a hug and snuggle. That works for her currently. Previously she would want nothing, definitely not snuggles, and I just had to wait it out, then offer something distracting when it was finally ramping down.

Never give in though. Unless you want to be dealing with this for another two years...

[Anonymous]

Ignore.

Also read up on extinction burst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore ignore ignore. Maybe put up a baby gate to a safe area where she can tantrum and cant physically get to you.

Exactly. Never give in. I did sometimes find a way to break the spell and let them save face without giving in to the tantrum. Like once my neighbor rang the doorbell to ask if everything was ok, and that snapped DD out of it. But mostly you have to ignore them.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Keep in mind that once you start ignoring the tantrums the behavior will get worse while the kiddo tests your resolve. Maintain the resolve, and keep going.

Also, ignore actively. Which means, don't roll your eyes, don't sigh, don't look annoyed - it works better for me when I DO something. I read the paper or do dishes, or get the vacuum cleaner. Do something though, don't stand there watching them tantrum and call it ignoring.

[Anonymous]

I soothe (if my kid will accept it, sometimes he will sometimes he won’t) and try to distract but never give in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I soothe (if my kid will accept it, sometimes he will sometimes he won’t) and try to distract but never give in.

I used to do that but it didn’t really help much. And I don’t want her thinking that she gets soothing attention when having a fit. Has it helped you lessen the frequency of tantrums? That’s my main goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. Keep in mind that once you start ignoring the tantrums the behavior will get worse while the kiddo tests your resolve. Maintain the resolve, and keep going.

Also, ignore actively. Which means, don't roll your eyes, don't sigh, don't look annoyed - it works better for me when I DO something. I read the paper or do dishes, or get the vacuum cleaner. Do something though, don't stand there watching them tantrum and call it ignoring.

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. Keep in mind that once you start ignoring the tantrums the behavior will get worse while the kiddo tests your resolve. Maintain the resolve, and keep going.

Also, ignore actively. Which means, don't roll your eyes, don't sigh, don't look annoyed - it works better for me when I DO something. I read the paper or do dishes, or get the vacuum cleaner. Do something though, don't stand there watching them tantrum and call it ignoring.

+1 to all of this.

+2. Great advice all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I soothe (if my kid will accept it, sometimes he will sometimes he won’t) and try to distract but never give in.

I used to do that but it didn’t really help much. And I don’t want her thinking that she gets soothing attention when having a fit. Has it helped you lessen the frequency of tantrums? That’s my main goal.

Yes. I acknowledge the feeling and/or empathize, maybe just with a simple, “it’s so hard to be 2 years old” or “it’s so disappointing when Mommy won’t let you play with her scissors”. Just to let him know I’m on his side and there for him. I work with young children with behavioral and emotional issues, and it works with them as well, eventually.

[Anonymous]

In the beginning I give voice to his feelings. “Larlo wants the balloon. Larlo is frustrated he can’t have the balloon. Larlo’s mad”

Then I ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore. Keep in mind that once you start ignoring the tantrums the behavior will get worse while the kiddo tests your resolve. Maintain the resolve, and keep going.

Also, ignore actively. Which means, don't roll your eyes, don't sigh, don't look annoyed - it works better for me when I DO something. I read the paper or do dishes, or get the vacuum cleaner. Do something though, don't stand there watching them tantrum and call it ignoring.

+1 to all of this.

+2 DH and I used to hum "Just Walk Away Rene" and continued talking as if it weren't happening. The tantrum stage passed quickly with all my kids.

The experts all agree on one thing and one thing only - tantrums cannot work. You cannot give in.