Would you say something to your brother and sister in law?

[Anonymous]

We hosted Christmas and had about 15 people staying over (including my own). It was fun but A LOT of work needless to say.

My brothers kids (all teens) were in different rooms and one was in a lower level tv room. The day they left my husband came to me in disgust about how the rooms were left, he said absolutely filth with wrappers on the floor, toilets not flushed, towels everywhere....etc. These kids are 15, 18 and 19 and surely old enough to know better.

Even if they weren't then you think the parents would be sure the rooms were left in decent condition? I know I would. So....I have not said anything but its been on my mind as it really upset my husband. Would you say something? If so how would you approach it? I don;t want it to feel like an attack and we really did have lots of fun, but seriously this they should know better on, do you not agree?

[Anonymous]

I would not say anything now. It's not worth the fall-out with your brother.

If you host again, you want to address it in the moment.

[Anonymous]

I would not saying anything.

Why start an argument.

If it comes up naturally in a face to face conversation then maybe bring it up but do not do it via text email or telephone.

Now you know the next time they visit to give the teens a laundry basket and trash bag their last .morning and tell them "Please toss all the towels and sheets into the basket, trash in the bag and set it by the garage door and drop off any basement dishes on the kitchen counter."

But do not call the parents to co.plain. that is tacky.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't say anything. But I'd hold onto it for the next visit and be proactive.

The night before they leave, sit everyone down and say what a lovely visit it's been. Before they go, you need to make sure everything is in order. Do this with their parents present. Give them a checklist with what you need done:beds stripped, towels in this basket, toilets flushed, trash off of the floor and room checked for any left items.

Don't mention their last visit. Just be positive and proactive.

Of course they know better. But if they're going to act like slobs, set them up for success. They'll live. And your husband's blood pressure will stay low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not saying anything.

Why start an argument.

If it comes up naturally in a face to face conversation then maybe bring it up but do not do it via text email or telephone.

Now you know the next time they visit to give the teens a laundry basket and trash bag their last .morning and tell them "Please toss all the towels and sheets into the basket, trash in the bag and set it by the garage door and drop off any basement dishes on the kitchen counter."

But do not call the parents to co.plain. that is tacky.

For the record, we did tell them to please put all laundry in the wicker baskets and to strip the beds when they leave (put the sheets also in the basket) this was not done and there were wrappers, toilet paper, unflushed toilets dirty showers left and stained carpeting not to. mention food/crumbs every where.

[Anonymous]

I would say something to the teens the next time they visit, at the beginning of the visit clarifying your expectations.

[Anonymous]

I agree that I wouldn't say anything now.

[Anonymous]

I still would not say anything.

Next time wander in to their room while they are packing and chat with them as you "help them straighten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not saying anything.

Why start an argument.

If it comes up naturally in a face to face conversation then maybe bring it up but do not do it via text email or telephone.

Now you know the next time they visit to give the teens a laundry basket and trash bag their last .morning and tell them "Please toss all the towels and sheets into the basket, trash in the bag and set it by the garage door and drop off any basement dishes on the kitchen counter."

But do not call the parents to co.plain. that is tacky.

For the record, we did tell them to please put all laundry in the wicker baskets and to strip the beds when they leave (put the sheets also in the basket) this was not done and there were wrappers, toilet paper, unflushed toilets dirty showers left and stained carpeting not to. mention food/crumbs every where.

Okay, that's data. Next time they visit, sounds like you need to be right there and give prompts and reminders.
Or...
don't have them visit again.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t expect the laundry stuff, but I would expect flushed toilets and a tidy room.

[Anonymous]

Your first time hosting something like this?

Stop hosting it in the future. They are guests. Hosts clean. If you do not like it, do not host.

Or, you can set rules for next times, but whatever happens, your responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything. It is failure of parents and of their kids. Next time make sure you give them address of a hotel nearby. Once is enough. My SIL has kids like that, absolute trash everywhere, they are otherwise nice and polite teens, but I am not hosting them and I am never staying at their place, it is disgusting. DH, her own brother won't eat at her place.

[Anonymous]

To someone with young kids would not go there for someone especially a sibling with teens that age, heck yea! They come into your. home and its just downright disrespectful to leave your home in shambles like that especially if you are neat and the rest of the house is such.

I would not hesitate to speak to any of my sisters or brothers if their kids did that, that is just gross and needs to be addressed. You are doing them ALL a favor and that's parents included!

[Anonymous]

It depends on how close you and your brother are, whether you chat on a regular basis and whether he gets easily offended or not. With my sister I'd absolutely be comfortable making a passing comment that while it's no big deal, the kids left behind a super dirty room, and that it would be a good idea to check on them if they're ever invited at someone's else place whom they might not know as well and might offend. This type of comment is actually helpful but only if you're close enough to make is a "family helps out family" type of comment rather a direct complaint.

[Anonymous]

Now you know.
Use the knowledge going forward.
You - as aunt or uncle - could have addressed it when it happened
Because you either couldn't then, or didn't then, NOW is not the time.