childish reaction I just need to confess somewhere

[Anonymous]

My only sister got married a few months ago to a very wonderful man she met about 3 years ago. My sister and I are very close in age and, while we didn't always get along as kids, I've been fortunate to consider her one of my best friends for many years now. She was the maid of honor in my wedding about 5 years ago. We live near each other and get together frequently.

So here's my childish reaction...My sister is delighted to be part of her husband's family, and she has been very excitedly referring to her husband's sisters as her "new sisters," both on social media and in person. She will caption photos "my new sister [name]" or before the wedding she'd be like "only x days until we're sisters!" and....well....it bothers me that she calls them her sisters, not her sisters-in-law. As a fully grown adult, this feels like a very silly thing to have hurt feelings over. I know what our relationship and shared history is like. And her newlywed excitement isn't supposed to be about me! And I'm glad she married into a nice family that has embraced her so warmly! Maybe it's common to refer to siblings in law this way. Anyway. I would never dare make an issue of it...I just needed to confess my weird reaction so I can get over it.

[Anonymous]

Haha- I kinda get what you are saying. A lot of people may feel the same way but you have to drop the insecurity. Think about it this way: a baby always knows who their actual mother is even if they are being cared by a caretaker or whatever. A sister knows who her actual sister is as well. She won’t abandon you! She is just getting excited and probably in a year that novelty of getting married will wear off and she won’t be so enthusiastic about her sister in laws.

[Anonymous]

I would be a bit hurt too. I agree with PP that soon enough one of her SILs will piss her off, and she will likely stop with the sister nonsense.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. And you're right to not say anything to her about it. Here's the thing. It's all new right now and she is seeing everyone through rose-colored glasses. Just like any relationship, the newness will wear off and there will be things that will bother her about her "new sisters." They may be big things or little things, but inevitably she's going to get peeved about something. And she will turn to you to vent about it. You are her closest sister/best friend. You will be her confidant and you will feel that closeness again.

try to remember that her relationships with other people don't impact your relationship with her. It'll always be what it is.

[Anonymous]

She is excited to have married into her wonderful husbands family. It's a honeymoon phase and once she gets past it they will be SIL's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha- I kinda get what you are saying. A lot of people may feel the same way but you have to drop the insecurity. Think about it this way: a baby always knows who their actual mother is even if they are being cared by a caretaker or whatever. A sister knows who her actual sister is as well. She won’t abandon you! She is just getting excited and probably in a year that novelty of getting married will wear off and she won’t be so enthusiastic about her sister in laws.

Thank you so much! I tried to tell myself the same thing, but hearing it from someone else actually helps a lot more! I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

OP again--thank you all! It's kind of amazing how quickly your kind replies snapped me out of this. I appreciate the help in my moment of sisterly woe. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP I think your emotional reaction is totally understandable. Your sister is one of your best friends and you cherish that relationship. You are worried that her relationships with her soon to be SILs will diminish your relationship with her. That's not an unreasonable fear; she will probably spend more of her holidays and free time with her husband's family than she does now, and it may take more work to sustain your relationship.

I don't think it's really about her calling them "sisters," that is more just the symbol of what you are worried about.

If I were you I would talk to your sister about this. I wouldn't do it in an accusatory way and would not bring up the "calling them sisters" thing, but would say that you are so happy for her but you cherish her as your sister very much and have some fear that you two will become less close as she becomes more part of her husband's family. You could say you hope you continue talking on the phone every week or seeing each other every summer or whatever it is you do now to remain close.

This way you're not saying anything negative about her new family members, but just telling her how important she is to you and that you want to be conscious to maintain that.

[Anonymous]

I'd feel the exact same way OP, and would hope I'd act just as you are. You are human, and what she's doing is a bit over the top and definitely annoying, but, as others have said, it is at least somewhat normal for people to get carried away with newlywed excitement. You will be very thankful later when things are back to normal that you chose the path of dignity.

[Anonymous]

I'd give it 6 months before she's complaining about them to you...

[Anonymous]

I call my sorority sisters “sister”. It means nothing.
She will likely call her MIL/FIL”mom” and “dad” too. I think it’s great. So many people hate their in laws. She know them for 3 years and loves them. They are off to a great start.

[Anonymous]

Would you rather she married into a family of women that hate her? Would that make you feel better? Would you rather she fuss to you that they treat her badly and she is uncomfortable around them and it makes going to gatherings miserable?

Grow up, OP. I promise you can't be replaced.

[Anonymous]

I find it weird when people use those terms for in-laws, but maybe it's just me. I would probably be stung too, OP, if I were in your shoes. Best not to say anything about it and know that you'll always be her real sister (and no amount of time will replace the fact that you two grew up together).

[Anonymous]

It's a little too weird for me to be too offended.

It's a little 'trying too hard'ish and not enough 'wait for the other shoe to drop'ish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call my sorority sisters “sister”. It means nothing.
She will likely call her MIL/FIL”mom” and “dad” too. I think it’s great. So many people hate their in laws. She know them for 3 years and loves them. They are off to a great start.

this is what it reminded me of.