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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Out of patience - out of discipline ideas - and stressed out
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Anonymous
| I am just SO SICK of all the same discipline issues popping up and NOTHING I do or say helps. Time outs, natural consequences, reading books on this topic, setting clear limits have no effect. Yelling has no effect (other than to give myself a headache). The only thing that I think may work now is to hit my kids. They do not listen. They take ice cream out of the freezer without asking and make a huge mess and ruin their appetities. They won't stay in their rooms for bedtime. They repeatedly push and bite one another. They smear soap on the wall. My DH is working so I am going at this alone 12 hours a day. It sucks and I am so sick of it. Maybe its time to go back to work and let someone else deal with this crap. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. |
Anonymous
| How old are they? |
Anonymous
|
Girl - 2
Boy - 4 |
Anonymous
|
Don't hit them.
go to PEPparent.org Get yourself in some classes and get the support you need and deserve! You will be able to have your specific problems addressed. Nothing will change overnight, but it CAN get better. Go. Do it. |
Anonymous
I have actually already signed up. Classes start later this month. This is not the first class I've taken....maybe its me. |
Anonymous
| Don't know where you are but the classes at PEP in Kensington (and I think in a few other locatins) totally saved my sanity. The best money I ever spent and it's like a support group. They have babysitting for some classes, make DH go with you so that you are on the same page. Or hire your own sitter and grab a quick dinner or coffee on class night as a "date". Hang in there, those are tough ages. |
Anonymous
| PP, cross posted. You can also keep in touch with your class leader afterwards for followup. I think that they were going to offer a consulting service too. Good luck! |
Anonymous
|
You just have to say the same thing over and over and over and over and deal with the same misbehavior over and over and over and over with a 2 year old. There is nothing wrong with you because that is happening. The 4 year old may be feeding off of that dynamic, but it's not easy when kids are little. It's not you. Really.
But I don't think they should have unsupervised access to things they shouldn't get into. Like, where were you when they were getting ice cream out of the freezer and helping themselves? |
Anonymous
|
It sounds like in addition to classes, you need a break. Could you afford a helper every once in awhile? Or put the older one in preschool a few hours a week. I find with even one, once he starts acting up and I get exhausted, it's hard to keep calm and stick to appropriate discipline. So it becomes a rock rolling down a steep hill, until I get a few minutes to clear my head. It's possible the discipline isn't working because you are too tired to do it effectively.
Also, while finding the right discipline is essential, maybe taking the ice cream out of the house is a good move right now. Let them know there will be no ice cream or junk food in the house until they can behave. Also (and I know it's easier said then done) find some activities for them to do to release all those creative juices. Do fingerpainting (if you dare), break out the crayons, give them chalk and let them go to town on the driveway. |
Anonymous
| Can you go back to work and find a good pre-school for the kids? My 1-1/2 year old daughter is in a home daycare and is learning to follow rules, the meaning of "no", etc. there. Because I'm at work during the day, I am ready to focus lots of attention on her after work, and don't feel stressed having been with her all day long. I would not make it either if I were home with her all day long. Going out and working will give you a fresh approach, and distance and perspective that could be useful. I also figure "it takes a village" and am very glad that my daughter is learning from other adults as well. |
Anonymous
|
I completely understand where you are coming from.
My recommendation: lots and lots of outdoor time. Get them tons of exercise. Run their little legs off. |
Anonymous
| OP: These are all valid thoughts - thanks. The reason I decided to stay home with my kids was to be able to give them more than they were receiving in day care, also to have this time together. While they are thriving developmentally now (my son does speech therapy and so part of our routine is going to therapy and doing the homework), and they clearly are better off, I am not sure about me. This is the rub. It's not that its not wonderful and I'm sure I'll look back and never regret making this sacrifice, but its incredibly challenging and there are days that just suck (like today). I wish I had the answer. Working would be less stressful for me but then I'd be worried about their developmental needs not being met. |
Anonymous
It doesn't last forever. It's hard to imagine, but your oldest will go to K in one or two years and be out of the house for most of the day. By then your 2 year old DC will be 4....very soon. |
Anonymous
| OP, you have my sympathy. I find I'm a better parent when I have some time away from my children--my work is flexible and gives me an intellectual outlet, but I'm sure another sort of part-time work would work, too. I want to be sure to have plenty of time with them, but in my experience, we're all better off if they have other loving caregivers and I have a chance to have some adult time away from them. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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There is no "answer" OP. And sometimes what seems like is best for the kids is not the best for you....and if it is not the best for you, then it is the best.
I understand your concerns about developmental needs, but you can find care that deals with that, if you really want to. I would try the parenting classes and see if this relieves any of the stress. Do you have ANY childcare right now to help you? |