WWYD: 7th Grade DS refusing to do any HW

[Anonymous]

Organization and HW completion have been on ongoing battle with him since 5th grade. Now he just isn't doing any homework and getting Ds and Es as a result. He is a smart kid who would otherwise be capable of much better grades!

I feel like I have tried everything over the years from talking to yelling to positive reinforcement to discipline/loss of privileges, but nothing is working.

any advice appreciated, I am at a loss.

[Anonymous]

I know this doesn't answer your question, but if your son is getting Ds and Es and you are in MCPS, it is not due to failure to do or turn in homework. That would only account for one letter grade reduction. So, it is not your son's only problem.

You are going to receive all of the standard answers - take away the phone or screens, find his currency and either reward or punish with it. But, you might also want to consider whether there are some learning issues, whether there is something about school that is causing him anxiety or stress, whether he is starting to suffer from depression.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, I'd get an evaluation or a tutor or both. I would have him earn privileges with homework and good grades. I'd contact the teachers to see what is going on in class as homework alone isn't going to fail a kid.

[Anonymous]

“How to raise kids you want to keep” book

[Anonymous]

Most privileges are tied to grades in our family. If the kids can somehow get straight A grades while ignoring all their homework, I wouldn't really mind. Since they can't, this policy tends to keep such nonsense from being an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP - Think hard about why your son is using homework to piss you off, and also about why he has decided to fail rather than try.

Therein lies your answer. I think your problem may be more serious than "take away his phone."

When my son was younger and executive function was a challenge, I monitored like a hawk. Never yelled about results, but insisted on full cooperation with all discussions about due dates and the electronic grade book. We forced him to be organized through daily checkins with us re his electronic planner.

It was intense and unpleasant at first but less so as time went on. At least with our child, we found that finding ways for him to experience success was a better strategy than punishing failure.

[Anonymous]

We were in this exact same situation last year with our DS in 7th grade. He also became defiant.
We finally had a neuropsych eval completed and he was diagnosed with ADHD. We started med (Vyvanse) at the end of last school year. This year has been a complete 180, work gets done (occasional slip) and grades improved dramatically in the 1st quarter (All A's and 1 B).
He was also placed in a resource class, which he fought against, but now likes. They help him stay on track and he gets most of his homework done in the class.

[Anonymous]

My 7th grade son has issues with HW. He also has ADHD and takes Vyvanse. It has worn off by 5pm so he just had his dose increased. It has been a bit better but now he has to do all HW in front of me (if it is online HW). I know he was wasting time before online and then would end up having to stay up late. He knows if he wants a phone and XBox, he needs all As and Bs. He used to go to public school and he got straight As even though he did next to no work. Now that he is in private school, he actually has to work hard and he isn't used to it at all. I wish I didn't have to micromanage him at this point but he obviously needs it. He also knows that he can't use any electronics on the weekend unless he has all As and Bs. He is hard headed and stubborn but a weekend w/o any electronics helps remind him that I am not kidding.

[Anonymous]

I would quit fighting entirely. Let him just deal w/ consequences at school.

[Anonymous]

You can't quit and you can't punish. Your son obviously has a learning issue. Talk to his pediatrician and see if he/she can recommend someone to do testing.

For what it's worth, difficulty with organization and reluctance to do homework are classic signs of ADHD. So is emotional lability, impulsiveness, anxiety and a few other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade son has issues with HW. He also has ADHD and takes Vyvanse. It has worn off by 5pm so he just had his dose increased. It has been a bit better but now he has to do all HW in front of me (if it is online HW). I know he was wasting time before online and then would end up having to stay up late. He knows if he wants a phone and XBox, he needs all As and Bs. He used to go to public school and he got straight As even though he did next to no work. Now that he is in private school, he actually has to work hard and he isn't used to it at all. I wish I didn't have to micromanage him at this point but he obviously needs it. He also knows that he can't use any electronics on the weekend unless he has all As and Bs. He is hard headed and stubborn but a weekend w/o any electronics helps remind him that I am not kidding.

I can assure you of this. If you continue to micromanage your son this way he will utterly fail when he leaves for college. it would be far better to insist on seeing the finished product but not make him sit with you. Stop insisting on As and Bs, stop hovering over him.

Or don't. But you will see what you get when he leaves, he will be incapable of self discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade son has issues with HW. He also has ADHD and takes Vyvanse. It has worn off by 5pm so he just had his dose increased. It has been a bit better but now he has to do all HW in front of me (if it is online HW). I know he was wasting time before online and then would end up having to stay up late. He knows if he wants a phone and XBox, he needs all As and Bs. He used to go to public school and he got straight As even though he did next to no work. Now that he is in private school, he actually has to work hard and he isn't used to it at all. I wish I didn't have to micromanage him at this point but he obviously needs it. He also knows that he can't use any electronics on the weekend unless he has all As and Bs. He is hard headed and stubborn but a weekend w/o any electronics helps remind him that I am not kidding.

I can assure you of this. If you continue to micromanage your son this way he will utterly fail when he leaves for college. it would be far better to insist on seeing the finished product but not make him sit with you. Stop insisting on As and Bs, stop hovering over him.

Or don't. But you will see what you get when he leaves, he will be incapable of self discipline.

DP. Don't at least some kids need to learn how to complete complex processes such as independently managing all schoolwork specifically by having it modeled & scaffolded for them?

[Anonymous]

Our 8th grader has similar tendencies. (And to the PP, you're entirely wrong if you think kids can't screw up your grades in MCPS by missing homework - our son consistently does well on tests but homework just destroys his overall average.)

We wind up doing a lot of spot checking of grades, but we also rely on a weekly tutoring session to help him prioritize what needs to get done. It's just less of a power struggle with the tutor. He's progressively gotten better about keeping track of things, and fixing problems when they arise. It's not a instant or perfect fix, but having another point of accountability seems to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade son has issues with HW. He also has ADHD and takes Vyvanse. It has worn off by 5pm so he just had his dose increased. It has been a bit better but now he has to do all HW in front of me (if it is online HW). I know he was wasting time before online and then would end up having to stay up late. He knows if he wants a phone and XBox, he needs all As and Bs. He used to go to public school and he got straight As even though he did next to no work. Now that he is in private school, he actually has to work hard and he isn't used to it at all. I wish I didn't have to micromanage him at this point but he obviously needs it. He also knows that he can't use any electronics on the weekend unless he has all As and Bs. He is hard headed and stubborn but a weekend w/o any electronics helps remind him that I am not kidding.

I can assure you of this. If you continue to micromanage your son this way he will utterly fail when he leaves for college. it would be far better to insist on seeing the finished product but not make him sit with you. Stop insisting on As and Bs, stop hovering over him.

Or don't. But you will see what you get when he leaves, he will be incapable of self discipline.

DP. Don't at least some kids need to learn how to complete complex processes such as independently managing all schoolwork specifically by having it modeled & scaffolded for them?

The parent in this case is insisting on a specific outcome because that is what is important to her. She is then trying to mold her child into someone who is capable of doing that. So far it is not working because she literally has to sit on top of him. You have to work with the child's capabilities or else they will complefall apart when they need to do it on their own.

[Anonymous]

OP - consider having your DS evaluated for possible learning disabilities, including ADHD.

Before you panic, many kids with LD's are "smart".