Teen with new job eating out too much

[Anonymous]

My teen has their first job and has started eating out too much. DC works in a shopping complex that has many fast food options and is relying on those instead of taking food from home or just eating a sensible snack.

Husband says we have no say in how DC spends their money after they've paid their required things (gas, part of insurance, & put 15% away in savings).

I say DC is being irresponsible and should have to hand over their check to be given a weekly/daily allowance to use while working.

Obesity, diabetes, and heart disease are very big issues on my side of the family. Both parents and 2/4 siblings are obese. My dad had triple bypass 2 years ago. He's borderline diabetic. All of my cousins are diabetic and obese & most of their kids are obese. All of my uncles and two aunts have had bypass surgeries or stents put in. None of them are over the age of 65.

We don't keep a junk free house, but I've also not allowed tons of fast food and junk food. We eat out once per week, for example, but I never allowed my kids to have fruit juice boxes or sodas growing up.

An example from this past Saturday: DC woke at 7 to be at work to open the store at 9. Refused my offer to make eggs & grabbed a banana instead. Since DC is under 18, I have access to their bank account and saw that DC spent $8.10 at Starbucks, $9 at Chick-fil-a, and another $3.67 at Starbucks before arriving home at 3. DC informed us that a coworker came in sick and was going to try to power through, but DC offered to go back in. I told DC to take a container of leftovers from the night before for dinner. Said they would but didn't. I later see a charge for $7 from Wendy's. Then DC texted me that they were leaving work and going to Coldstone with friends. Literally every meal for an entire day except for a banana was junk food.

And through the week isn't much better. DC will get out of school, go to work to work on homework in the backroom, and grab fast food for dinner to eat while doing homework.

Is my husband right? Do we have no say? Anyone think I can put a rule in place where I only give DC x dollars per week and the rest must go into savings instead of just the 15% we were making DC save?

[Anonymous]

Are they a healthy weight? Have they gained weight?

[Anonymous]

I think taking the check is way over the top. Your child has to learn how to spend the money they have earned.

I also fear your response just seems way over the top in terms of food, too, and your child is rebelling and exerting their independence a bit. The teen needs to learn how o navigate in the real world, but right now is so clearly rebelling against a too strict mother.

I'd back way off, let them make some choices, and see where things are in a month. And then I'd let DH talk to the teen, as I think you're too over the top and will make anything worse.

[Anonymous]

Have you had a conversation with him about his/your health history? How does he feel about his health (not weight)? Does he know what makes food healthy/unhealthy?

[Anonymous]

If my parents took my check as a teen I would have quit working. He should be allowed to keep his money.
You can talk to him about making good choices but once you have said something let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my parents took my check as a teen I would have quit working. He should be allowed to keep his money.
You can talk to him about making good choices but once you have said something let it go.

This. Taking the check is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the check is way over the top. Your child has to learn how to spend the money they have earned.

I also fear your response just seems way over the top in terms of food, too, and your child is rebelling and exerting their independence a bit. The teen needs to learn how o navigate in the real world, but right now is so clearly rebelling against a too strict mother.

I'd back way off, let them make some choices, and see where things are in a month. And then I'd let DH talk to the teen, as I think you're too over the top and will make anything worse.

Yup. The hourly monitoring of the bank activity is crazy OP. I can only imagine how strict your home has been prior. Your kid has not really had a chance to learn moderation. Give them some time to figure it out (e.g., on their own they may start to notice that they feel crappy, are gaining weight, don't have much money saved, etc.) And leave the conversations to your husband.

[Anonymous]

If my mother tried to control everything I ate as a 16 or 17 year old, there would have been a lot of misery in our house. I think you are way over the top. You can suggest that she eat more sensibly, but I assume she is doing this because you keep such a tight lid on the food. If she didn't do it now, she was bound to do it when she is in college. Lots of kids whose parents have food issues and deprive them gain a lot of weight in college.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid? You cannot take his check. That's way over the top. What's the point of a teen having a job if they don't get the freedom and responsibility that comes with it? I wouldn't work if I didn't get to spend my money the way I wanted to. I also think you should back off the monitoring.

I think you could stipulate that the amount put into savings be increased. 15% isn't that much and that would leave less for discretionary junk food spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my parents took my check as a teen I would have quit working. He should be allowed to keep his money.
You can talk to him about making good choices but once you have said something let it go.

This. Taking the check is ridiculous.

Agreed.

My BF's son did the same thing! He went hog-wild with the freedom of choices of being able to eat anything he wanted and without permission. But some of the thrill has started to fade as he's figuring out if he spends it all on food, he has less for other things he wants. We don't spoil him either - no gifts, aside from small gestures, outside of Christmas and his birthday. It's been a good lesson for him.

[Anonymous]

A kid who is old enough to have a job in the mall is old enough to feed themselves.

You can make suggestions, as you have been, but that is it.

What will happen in a year or two when child goes off to college? They need to learn to make their own choices.

Loosen those reins a little. You have an adult-in-the-making in the house--don't act like you still have a toddler.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like there's several issues here and part of it is that you have some food issues of your own and are overly restrictive about food.

[Anonymous]

Working in the mall and eating at the food court was my existence in the early 1990s. I went wild for one year and then it faded and would either pack or split chinese food with a friend and started to save my TCBY yogurt days to once in awhile. Its just the initial rush of freedom thats exciting. I can tell you are a control freak though and you pushing him will only make him binge on Chipotle more.

[Anonymous]

OP, I personally think that you are the one who created this monster. It sounds like you are very concerned about your family's history with obesity and food issues; so much that you have gone overboard the other direction. You are so controlling that your child is rebelling from your over-controlling nature and relishing the freedom that the job gives him/her to get those things that you have restricting them from before the job. So, you have essentially banned fast food and they are rebelling by eating as much of it as they can.

I would recommend that you adopt a compromise to discuss with your child. Reiterate your concern about eating out too much, but rather than a ban, suggest that your child should not eat more than half of the meals from fast food. So 1 out of 3 or 2 out of 4 meals eaten out of the house/fast food should be suggested. Ask that (s)he start to plan at least one meal from home per work day. Talk to DC about helping him/her with making lunches to bring to make it easier.

But in the end, that's all you can do is suggest. The paycheck and money belong to your child and once earned, they get to decide what to do with it. You as a parent are responsible for teaching responsibility to your child, but at this point, you can't enforce it, you can only teach and hope the lessons, especially given the reasons, stick.

[Anonymous]

Yeah getting a job at the mall and hanging out with friends who also worked there was a huge rite of passage. Sometimes it meant getting fast food or cookies at Mrs. Fields or frozen yogurt. I was otherwise active (on my feet at work plus gym class plus sports) so it was fine health-wise, didn't gain weight. Over time, you realize it isn't as exciting as it once was and get bored of the food at the mall.