Death of parent etiquette

[Anonymous]

My friend lost her mom to a few-years-long illness around Thanksgiving. Funeral was Friday, and I communicated with her about setting up a Take Them a Meal page. She said she'd let me know their plans upon returning from service, but I still haven't heard from her. I'm assuming she's home by now. Do I try and get in touch again? I don't want to be pushy while she's mourning.

[Anonymous]

Call her to see how she's doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call her to see how she's doing.

This exactly. She is likely very busy and also tired from grieving. Email and text would be another chore for her to answer. Also, you need to get a feel for how things are going now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call her to see how she's doing.

Yes, call to check in, see how she’s doing and reiterate your offer.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't like this

[Anonymous]

Omg you are mad she hasn’t gotten in touch? She is grieving. Fwiw I would hate meal trains. Send a card and let her decide when to talk,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg you are mad she hasn’t gotten in touch? She is grieving. Fwiw I would hate meal trains. Send a card and let her decide when to talk,

OP didn't say anything about being mad. She was just asking advice on how to proceed, what to do next.

[Anonymous]

She may not want the meals and isn’t sure how to turn them down without seeming ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Just bring or send a meal and don't ask her to make any decisions. I send soups, roasted chickens, meat loaf, etc which are comforting and reheat well.

[Anonymous]

She probably needed the meals while her mom was alive. Just send flowers and forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call her to see how she's doing.

Yes, call to check in, see how she’s doing and reiterate your offer.

But phrase the offer in a way that is easy to turn down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg you are mad she hasn’t gotten in touch? She is grieving. Fwiw I would hate meal trains. Send a card and let her decide when to talk,

You know, when my husband was gravely ill, I lost friends over "let her decide when to talk". Lost is the wrong word. I "let go of".

When I was ready, maybe 9 months later, I didn't feel like picking up the phone and listening to reasons why someone had held back. So I only talked to the people who had helped me along the way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call her to see how she's doing.

Yes, call to check in, see how she’s doing and reiterate your offer.

But phrase the offer in a way that is easy to turn down.

Im the PP -- totally agree. Give her an easy out.

And keep checking in from time to time -- just to say hi and that you're thinking about her. That was the thing I appreciated most of all.

[Anonymous]

Please, no food! That period has passed and she wants some normalcy. If her mother was ill for a few years there will be both sadness and feeling of relief that her mother is no longer suffering.

[Anonymous]

I recently lost my dad to a long illness. Honestly food was the last thing I needed afterwards. Just reach out to your friend, call them, talk to them, try to do something fun with them, that sort of stuff.