Donating my embryo

[Anonymous]

We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

but you seem very invested in this embryo. I would transfer it, it probably won't take.

[Anonymous]

I take it you are not interested in destroying it?

[Anonymous]

I couldn't donate my embryos for many of these reasons. I couldn't handle not knowing what became of them and I also couldn't handle knowing.

[Anonymous]

This article hit home for me: http://www.elle.com/culture/a12445676/the-leftover-embryo-crisis/

What to do with the frozen embryos is a tough part of IVF that seems rarely discussed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you can find a family willing to do an open adoption if that would work for you. Especially with Asian genetics, which I understand is hard to find in a donor scenario. Check out some donor boards and you may get a referral to an agency to help you.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize.

We have 3 embryos left after our twins (who are now 6). I've done the research, know where I'll be donating and just haven't pulled the trigger. And we are still paying every year to cryo-preserve those embryos. We were already old (40s) when we had the kids. Now, in our 50s we are definitely not having more kids, and we have no objections to donating, but life just keeps getting in the way. I started working on the donation this summer and then two family disasters that required a lot of time and traveling to resolve dropped in our laps. We'll see if I can get back on track after the new year. So, no help, just sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't donate my embryos for many of these reasons. I couldn't handle not knowing what became of them and I also couldn't handle knowing.

I feel the same way. Unfortunately for me- I find myself in a situation where I have 6 extra embryos. We have two wonderful children already from this batch and I go back and forth about having another child. They were created when I was 32 years old. But I don’t know what to do with them. I would rather transfer than donate- but right now they just sit on ice I guess...I know one day I need to confront this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’ve posted before - some time ago - about donating our embryos. We are extremely happy with the way everything turned out. Our family is complete, and the embryos went to a family we chose (they chose us too, so maybe “matched” is a better word). We used miracleswaiting.com to locate a recipient family.

We are pretty private people, and I respect the privacy of the recipients, so I can’t offer to do an AMA. If you have questions, I’ll be happy to answer what I can.

[Anonymous]

Does your contract with your egg donor allow you to donate the embryos?

What about donating them to science? for research?

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to offer my perspective here as I have nieces who came from adopted donated embryos-- one open and one not. By all accounts both adoptions went remarkably well and they are treasured members of our family, which is of a different race than them. happy to answer more questions from that perspective if helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

but you seem very invested in this embryo. I would transfer it, it probably won't take.

Of the 3 embryos created, 2 pregnancies happened (one is my child, the other a stillbirth for other reasons). There is no reason to believe that this embryo isn't viable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take it you are not interested in destroying it?

I'm pro-choice and always saw embryos as a collection of cells. Still do. And thought I would donate any extras to science. But now that it's time to do it, it's so hard.