Donating my embryo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ve posted before - some time ago - about donating our embryos. We are extremely happy with the way everything turned out. Our family is complete, and the embryos went to a family we chose (they chose us too, so maybe “matched” is a better word). We used miracleswaiting.com to locate a recipient family.

We are pretty private people, and I respect the privacy of the recipients, so I can’t offer to do an AMA. If you have questions, I’ll be happy to answer what I can.

Thanks for this site. I had looked at a one other site, but they seemed to have restrictions on male-female couples only. I didn't like that.

How did you handle the legal aspects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your contract with your egg donor allow you to donate the embryos?

What about donating them to science? for research?

The eggs (now embryos) belong to us now. She has no say in what is done with them.

I always thought I would donate to science or reseach. But finding that I just can't...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

but you seem very invested in this embryo. I would transfer it, it probably won't take.

Of the 3 embryos created, 2 pregnancies happened (one is my child, the other a stillbirth for other reasons). There is no reason to believe that this embryo isn't viable.

People in situations like this sometimes have the embryos transferred at unlikely times. Say, right before your period. The theory is: if it is meant to be, it happens. If it isn't, it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

We’re in the same boat, OP. Can’t destroy it... but can’t bring myself to donate it. We had a ‘surprise’ after our last IVF baby and really can’t afford 4. But, maybe we’ll feel differently in a couple years (we’re both 36 now, embryo was frozen at 29). One of our children has a lot of special needs and part of me is afraid that the embryo could as well. So, here we are just paying the yearly fee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

but you seem very invested in this embryo. I would transfer it, it probably won't take.

Of the 3 embryos created, 2 pregnancies happened (one is my child, the other a stillbirth for other reasons). There is no reason to believe that this embryo isn't viable.

so you have on living child out of 3 embryos. you don't even know that it will survive thawing.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. We have one IVF baby, one surprise baby and now we’re done. I have one PGS tested embryo left and I can’t get myself to destroy it. We aren’t interested in donating or giving to research for personal reasons. I just continue to pay the storage fee every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one amazing DS and are done. We have one embryo left. I know I need to let go and donate it. What's weird is that it's not even my genetics (we used donor eggs) but it's related to my DS. And I'm having a hard, hard time donating it. The easiest path would be donate it back to our clinic. But they have an anonymous donation policy. It makes me sad that I'd never know what happened to my child's sibling. So I could find another way to do a semi-open or open donation. But do I want to go through the time and energy to find the right family? Would it be right if I say no to a family because they aren't the right nationality? (The embryo is part Asian and I want it to go to a someone from that country) Or want it to be in a liberal family like us?

I don't even know what my question is. Just needed to get out my profound sadness...

you seem conflicted. don't donate it.

But it seems silly to keep paying $600 a year for an embryo I know we aren't going to use. For every logical reason (time, effort, money, etc), we are a perfect family of 3.

but you seem very invested in this embryo. I would transfer it, it probably won't take.

Of the 3 embryos created, 2 pregnancies happened (one is my child, the other a stillbirth for other reasons). There is no reason to believe that this embryo isn't viable

so you have on living child out of 3 embryos. you don't even know that it will survive thawing.

I’m pretty sure it’s viable. The one baby we lost was due to a freak accident. (Although 10% of stillbirths are for this reason). So the pregnancy was viable and baby was healthy. My current child survived the thaw. So no reason not to believe that this won’t also survive the thaw.

And I’m not willing to change the course of my life by taking a “let’s roll the dice and if it was meant to be it would be” attitude. I know I would be miserable with another child.

[Anonymous]

It seems like a lot of people are in the OP’s situation. I remember my doctor saying they could transfer the embryo during a time in the cycle where it’s not likely to implant- sort of a way to discard it in your own body I suppose. The thing is why pay to have this procedure done- seems kind of a waste. But so does the storage fee I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a lot of people are in the OP’s situation. I remember my doctor saying they could transfer the embryo during a time in the cycle where it’s not likely to implant- sort of a way to discard it in your own body I suppose. The thing is why pay to have this procedure done- seems kind of a waste. But so does the storage fee I suppose.

But if I was going to throw away this embryo (which is essentially what I’d be doing), I’d rather donate to science. But I keep looking at DS and wonder what his (frozen embryo) sibling would be like. And compounded by grief about his still born brother and wondering what he’d be like.

I think I’m going to pay the fee this year. Advertise on the site listed above. And in 9-10 months, if no takers, do anonymous donation.

[Anonymous]

I would love to adopt an embryo and would be open to knowing the donor and the donor knowing me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to adopt an embryo and would be open to knowing the donor and the donor knowing me.

same.

[Anonymous]

Please don't.

[Anonymous]

I know so many people who would be such loving parents to a donated embryo. What a beautiful gift for people who have struggled for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. We have one IVF baby, one surprise baby and now we’re done. I have one PGS tested embryo left and I can’t get myself to destroy it. We aren’t interested in donating or giving to research for personal reasons. I just continue to pay the storage fee every year.

PP - I'm assuming you believe in life beginning at conception because you seem to love the embryo, right? May I suggest that you need to let it go and set the spirit inside free? If it is never going to be born, send it off with lots of prayer, but for heaven's sake, send it off!

)I was loathe to post because I realize some of you will think I am crazy, but others of you will know I am right and needed to hear this today.)


~IVF mom with nothing frozen (unfortunately) and getting ready to stim again

[Anonymous]

We have 2 left and one beautiful 6 month old girl. I’m pretty sure that I am done. Babies are hard. I’m open to trying to help another infertile couple with mine though. I’m not conservative AT ALL but I still feel this sense of obligation to them.