Feel underwhelmed by new marriage

[Anonymous]

I’m aghast. I don’t want to feel this way and desperately need to bring heart back into my young marriage.

It’s been only 2 years but I feel checked out.

There’s no one particular reason. My husband is faithful and loving. He is a good man.

I don’t particularly feel accepted or loved by my in laws. We also disagree on...everything.

I think Trump is evil they think he’s saving America.

I feel bad about social justice issues they think social activism is being whiny.

I am worried ahout sustainable practices and the environment they think climate change is fake news.

I think Meghan Markle s gorgeous they are racist.

I want to learn and grow they laugh at higher education.

There are many things I love about my husband but he...agrees with his family on most of the above.

I don’t want to be a snob but I hate being the smartest person in the room. I feel suffocated.

How can I recover?

[Anonymous]

Well, didn't you know his political stance before marrying him? Yet you married him anyway. So what are the qualities in him that made you want to marry him? Maybe focusing on those will help you.

[Anonymous]

You married him, not the in-laws. Disengage from them.

[Anonymous]

What attracted you to your husband at first? You sound like
Complete opposites. Honestly, I'd cut my losses now before you have kids. I did and I'm sooo much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Why did you get married to him? I don’t think I know anyone married to their polar opposite as far as values/beliefs. For the few that are really close friends with a guy that has opposite beliefs the glue seems to be that they go wayyyyy back in the friendship and have been through difficult times where the person was really there for them or vice versa. There is some generousity they’ve seen or experienced with how that person has treated other people why the other stuff is just noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What attracted you to your husband at first? You sound like
Complete opposites. Honestly, I'd cut my losses now before you have kids. I did and I'm sooo much happier now.

+1. This is why people should live together before marriage. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

Being a liberal doesn't make you the smartest person in the room. Aren't y'all supposed to be so open minded and accepting of other viewpoints....oh yeah only if they agree with yours. Get a grip lady.

[Anonymous]

If you've got no kids, quick, divorce and do a better job next time.

[Anonymous]

We're supposed to like our in-laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m aghast. I don’t want to feel this way and desperately need to bring heart back into my young marriage.

It’s been only 2 years but I feel checked out.

There’s no one particular reason. My husband is faithful and loving. He is a good man.

I don’t particularly feel accepted or loved by my in laws. We also disagree on...everything.

I think Trump is evil they think he’s saving America.

I feel bad about social justice issues they think social activism is being whiny.

I am worried ahout sustainable practices and the environment they think climate change is fake news.

I think Meghan Markle s gorgeous they are racist.

I want to learn and grow they laugh at higher education.

There are many things I love about my husband but he...agrees with his family on most of the above.

I don’t want to be a snob but I hate being the smartest person in the room. I feel suffocated.

How can I recover?

your husband drew a dud. let him find someone better.

[Anonymous]

Do not have kids. Get Free. Find another guy who f$&ks you good.

[Anonymous]

When I was in your shoes, I convinced my husband to move with me several states away from his family. It helped, particularly in minimizing the kids' exposure to the in-laws. They weren't bad people or even that different from me in their values; they were just not very bright, and it pained me to spend a lot of time with them. Can you do that? A woman of character should not divorce a decent man simply because she realizes too late she wanted something different.

[Anonymous]

Op why do you phrase this as a differ nice between you and your ILs, if it is actually a difference between you and your DH? Do you think your DH doesn’t really have his own opinions and is just going along with his family or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a liberal doesn't make you the smartest person in the room. Aren't y'all supposed to be so open minded and accepting of other viewpoints....oh yeah only if they agree with yours. Get a grip lady.

people who mock learning usually aren't the brightest bulbs.

[Anonymous]

I feel ya, OP. My husband and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum and my in-laws are in a different universe from me. This past year has been very difficult on our marriage due to the political difference. I can't stand to be in the same room with my in-laws based on their positive feelings about Trump. It's gotten so bad that I make plans when I know they are coming over so I only spend a very limited time with them. My husband and I decided that was best for our relationship after extensive conversations about how miserable I was for days after spending time with them. The political divide was poisoning our relationship. Things are much better now.

We just celebrated nine years and we are completely devoted and in-love. Your marriage is young and I can tell you that the first three years can be hard. But, you have to protect what you love and that means not letting other people's negatively (or what you perceive to be negativity) affect your relationship. You have to set boundaries with your in-laws and talk to your husband about how you feel. If he dismisses you, be honest. Say that you are very concerned about your future. Say that you love him, but need to put a moratorium on politics in all forms - even if it means not spending time with people in his family.

It's best to be honest. You should talk, talk, talk. This can be fixed, but you have to be willing to fight for it. I'm sure he will fight for you if he knows that it's this bad.