DD Cutting Class

[Anonymous]

Today was an early release day in MCPS. I was on my phone so I tracked DD and it showed she was at a friends house 45 minutes before she was supposed to be out of last period.

I checked the attendance records and just noticed that every time there is an early release day DD has been marked absent from last period. It looks like lunch is before last period so it appears she has been skipping out a couple hours early.

I'm so pissed at her right now.

[Anonymous]

Ah, I cut class a few times. My mom never found out

Talk to her about any time in the future she cuts class you will remove $50 from her college fund and she will have to pony up the difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, I cut class a few times. My mom never found out

Talk to her about any time in the future she cuts class you will remove $50 from her college fund and she will have to pony up the difference

College fund? OP, don't do that. It'll mean nothing to her in the here and now, and won't make her think twice if she wants to cut class again. She would probably risk that $50 "fine."

Make the consequence immediate and make it something she'll feel. I'd ground her and not let her go out with or otherwise see any friends this weekend if she has plans; if she doesn't have plans this weekend, ground her next week/weekend. Only school, home, and any committed activity she does. Nothing social for whatever period you deem appropriate. Don't wait to discipline her "any time in the future" when she next does it--you know she cut class today, so she gets a consequence that starts today. Take electronics, phone etc. if she'll feel that more than she'd feel being grounded.

School is her job. Even on early release days. She's already getting out early officially so she figures it's no big deal to shave off one class period extra but that's clearly not how YOU feel, right? She thinks you have no idea; time for her to realize you can and will know where she is -- and isn't.

The "let kids be kids" posters on DCUM will say to let it go, that it's no big deal, "unclench," etc. But she's lying to you about where she really is, if she's at a friend's and you believe she's at school. It's not just "benign neglect" if you pretend this didn't happen; its ignoring the fact she thinks it's OK for you to be deceived. I'd talk to her about how this damages your ability to trust her when she says she's going to X with friend Y; why should you trust that's where she'll really be? She doesn't get that you're not out to put a leash on her, you just need to be confident that she is OK and can be reached if there's trouble and she needs a pickup etc. As a parent of a HS DD I would have that talk and have a consequence, and tell DD she would need to earn back trust.

[Anonymous]

My DH wants to ground her until the end of the next quarter in school, which is late January.
Bit extreme but I'm considering it based on this and some other minor issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH wants to ground her until the end of the next quarter in school, which is late January.
Bit extreme but I'm considering it based on this and some other minor issues.

I would ground her one week for each skipped school day.

[Anonymous]

How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

You'd let skipping school and lying to you pass... no.

[Anonymous]

its the last day before break, its okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

So, its ok your child skips school but not misses an family obligation... wow. If it is their job, is it ok just not to show up at work one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

So, its ok your child skips school but not misses an family obligation... wow. If it is their job, is it ok just not to show up at work one day?

Most people have personal days, so I'm going to go out on a whim and say yes. If my child misses enough days or classes to get themselves in trouble, then obviously it is not okay and the school will impose consequences which my child will be stuck with. ~PP

[Anonymous]

My parents covered for my friend skipping school when I was growing up, as they were okay if I didn't want to go to class, I could just tell them and they would excuse me. My friend is much more successful career wise than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

So, its ok your child skips school but not misses an family obligation... wow. If it is their job, is it ok just not to show up at work one day?

Most people have personal days, so I'm going to go out on a whim and say yes. If my child misses enough days or classes to get themselves in trouble, then obviously it is not okay and the school will impose consequences which my child will be stuck with. ~PP

Most jobs don't have personal days. And, not all jobs allow you to take it without being sick last minute. Child did not tell parents where she was and made it sound like they were going to school. So, what job do you know that you can just choose not to show up and not call or email and still have a job the next day. Its not the school's job to parent your child, its yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

So, its ok your child skips school but not misses an family obligation... wow. If it is their job, is it ok just not to show up at work one day?

It actually okay to not show up at work multiple days.

Where do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her grades? If she's a straight A student otherwise, I'd let it pass.

+1. School is my kids' job. Provided they're doing well on all measurable objectives and are not getting into serious trouble at school, I don't get involved much at the high school stage. If my kids got into trouble at school for cutting class, I would expect them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it a big deal unless there were significant other factors at play (missing curfew by more than our family's grace period, missing a family obligation, etc.)

So, its ok your child skips school but not misses an family obligation... wow. If it is their job, is it ok just not to show up at work one day?

Most people have personal days, so I'm going to go out on a whim and say yes. If my child misses enough days or classes to get themselves in trouble, then obviously it is not okay and the school will impose consequences which my child will be stuck with. ~PP

Most jobs don't have personal days. And, not all jobs allow you to take it without being sick last minute. Child did not tell parents where she was and made it sound like they were going to school. So, what job do you know that you can just choose not to show up and not call or email and still have a job the next day. Its not the school's job to parent your child, its yours.

There are a gazillion jobs that don't require you to be there every single moment.

How old are you?

I would explain the complications of lying and being somewhere you should not be, but missing the last period of short meaningless days,I would reward her for good time management skills.