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Reply to "DD Cutting Class"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ah, I cut class a few times. My mom never found out :) Talk to her about any time in the future she cuts class you will remove $50 from her college fund and she will have to pony up the difference [/quote] College fund? OP, don't do that. It'll mean nothing to her in the here and now, and won't make her think twice if she wants to cut class again. She would probably risk that $50 "fine." Make the consequence immediate and make it something she'll feel. I'd ground her and not let her go out with or otherwise see any friends this weekend if she has plans; if she doesn't have plans this weekend, ground her next week/weekend. Only school, home, and any committed activity she does. Nothing social for whatever period you deem appropriate. Don't wait to discipline her "any time in the future" when she next does it--you know she cut class today, so she gets a consequence that starts today. Take electronics, phone etc. if she'll feel that more than she'd feel being grounded. School is her job. Even on early release days. She's already getting out early officially so she figures it's no big deal to shave off one class period extra but that's clearly not how YOU feel, right? She thinks you have no idea; time for her to realize you can and will know where she is -- and isn't. The "let kids be kids" posters on DCUM will say to let it go, that it's no big deal, "unclench," etc. But she's lying to you about where she really is, if she's at a friend's and you believe she's at school. It's not just "benign neglect" if you pretend this didn't happen; its ignoring the fact she thinks it's OK for you to be deceived. I'd talk to her about how this damages your ability to trust her when she says she's going to X with friend Y; why should you trust that's where she'll really be? She doesn't get that you're not out to put a leash on her, you just need to be confident that she is OK and can be reached if there's trouble and she needs a pickup etc. As a parent of a HS DD I would have that talk and have a consequence, and tell DD she would need to earn back trust.[/quote]
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