Prayer in secular daycare?

[Anonymous]

We found out this week when my husband dropped our daughter off a bit late one morning that they pray before meals at our daycare. It's something like thanking Jesus for the meal. We aren't religious, it's a secular daycare, and there's nothing about prayer in their curriculum. My husband asked about it this morning and their temporary solution is to remove our daughter from the table during the prayer, which is not a long term solution because we don't want her to be singled out or feel that she's missing out. She's 22 months and our only child, so our first experience with this. Otherwise we've been happy with this daycare and she's been there since she was an infant. My sense from Googling is that prayer before meals is pretty common (why?) and I don't want to make a big issue out of something that is just standard practice and not going to change. I'm considering asking the director to have staff change the 'prayer' to a 'poem' - they can thank the cooks who prepared the meal or something like that. Any thoughts on whether it's worth trying? I'm having a hard time navigating between standing up for our beliefs and not being "those" parents. Thanks, and Happy Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

That is super weird, and I would not be happy about it. If they hold themselves out as a secular daycare, they should not be leading the kids in a prayer relating to a specific religion every day. I would complain to the director.

[Anonymous]

Is this a home daycare or a center?

[Anonymous]

I would be unhappy with any sort of prayer or grace before meals, but a prayer specifically to Jesus would be a deal breaker. Not only do I not want my child praying to a deity that is not part of our religious heritage, it is totally tone deaf to the diversity that likely exists within the classroom.

I would complain, loudly, to the director.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could compromise. The kids could say something like - "We are thankful for our food". Gratitude is an important thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We found out this week when my husband dropped our daughter off a bit late one morning that they pray before meals at our daycare. It's something like thanking Jesus for the meal. We aren't religious, it's a secular daycare, and there's nothing about prayer in their curriculum. My husband asked about it this morning and their temporary solution is to remove our daughter from the table during the prayer, which is not a long term solution because we don't want her to be singled out or feel that she's missing out. She's 22 months and our only child, so our first experience with this. Otherwise we've been happy with this daycare and she's been there since she was an infant. My sense from Googling is that prayer before meals is pretty common (why?) and I don't want to make a big issue out of something that is just standard practice and not going to change. I'm considering asking the director to have staff change the 'prayer' to a 'poem' - they can thank the cooks who prepared the meal or something like that. Any thoughts on whether it's worth trying? I'm having a hard time navigating between standing up for our beliefs and not being "those" parents. Thanks, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, it's worth trying, why not? If they don't agree you will have the choice of letting her stay there or not. I think you veer into 'those' parents territory if you refuse to leave and insist over and over again they do what you want after they have declined. That's not ok. It's unfortunate they weren't more up-front with this, and you can also encourage more disclosure, but at some point you just have to decide whether you are willing to adhere to how they do things or if you'd rather leave, just like with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could compromise. The kids could say something like - "We are thankful for our food". Gratitude is an important thing.

+1 we are thankful for our food, for the farmers who grew it, for the people who cooked it, for having enough to eat so our bodies are strong enough to learn and play - lots of age-appropriate themes around food and gratitude

[Anonymous]

This is a center? In the DC area? Totally unacceptable and I would complain vehemently. (I would however be satisfied with a non-religious compromise like you and some PPs have suggested.)

It is not being "those parents" to object to this.

That being said it probably won't have that much of an impact on your kid or anything- my agnostic/atheist parents sent me to a religious Christian daycare/preschool where we said grace before meals and sang songs about Jesus and I still grew up unflaggingly non-religious.

[Anonymous]

I am not religious at all and if that was my only complaint about the school, then I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

If this is secular daycare and it presents itself as such, I would say something.

[Anonymous]

My son goes to a center in Alexandria. When he was about 2.5, I found out they say a little prayer before their meal when my son started saying it at home. There is no God or Jesus mentioned, but they do say Amen when it’s done.

We’re not a religious family. I guess you could say we are sort of agnostic. If he asks about churches or God, or Jesus, or why we celebrate Christmas or Easter, or something, I explain (I have a religion degree from a secular SLAC), but we don’t go to church, or pray or anything.

The women who work at his center are Hispanic, and mostly Catholic. I don’t know if the center director was the one driving this, or it’s something the teachers in his room came up with. I assume it was the latter, because they stopped saying it when he moved to the 3s class.

I just let the praying at daycare thing go. I have bigger fish to fry (like the center sending home “homework” for preschoolers).

There will be times in his life where there will be a group prayer (to any number of dieties, depending on where he is) and he can either join in, or sit respectfully. I don’t think it’s harmful to say thank you for your food, even if you don’t believe Christian God provided it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a home daycare or a center?

It's a daycare center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could compromise. The kids could say something like - "We are thankful for our food". Gratitude is an important thing.

OP. I like this idea. I may suggest this as well as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could compromise. The kids could say something like - "We are thankful for our food". Gratitude is an important thing.

+1 we are thankful for our food, for the farmers who grew it, for the people who cooked it, for having enough to eat so our bodies are strong enough to learn and play - lots of age-appropriate themes around food and gratitude

OP. Yes, I agree with this, and it's consistent with what we do at home (thanking the parent who prepared the meal/snack).

[Anonymous]

I found out rather late in the game that this happens at DS's center at lunch. We are not religious, but it does not bother me enough to complain about it. DS doesn't really understand it, except that he seems to delight in shouting AMEN! at the end.